more intelligence testing

Categories: intelligence, opinion, games

Last night, after the whole Vince Young Wonderlic test entry, I looked in to joining MENSA, Intertel and a bunch of other intellectual societies. It's not that I think I am crazy smart or anything, its just that ever since I saw that stupid John Travolta movie Phenomenon and Good Will Hunting I think I have secretly hoped that one day I might randomly come across some brain puzzle or math problem that is ridiculously hard to everyone else but just makes sense to me. Following my awesome discovery, it would become clear to me what exactly I should be doing as a career and I could ride that effortless knowledge to fabulous wealth. Anyhow, MENSA and the other "societies" want to charge me $18 in exchange for mailing and evaluating my entry exam. I am certainly not going to pay money for that, which either proves (a) how dumb I am, in letting $18 stand between me and my secret dream, or (b) how smart I am to realize MENSA is probably just a business trying to make money, same as any other.

Long story short, I found another challenging brain puzzle that suggests I am a genius...barely (I scored a 19). Here it is. There is no telling who put this together or if the grading scale is valid. I only know the questions are challenging. There is no time limit, but FYI I spent about 30 minutes doing it and ignoring work. Spelling is crucial, as it is the only way for the automated script to verify answers. You can attempt multiple guesses at any question. Here is an example of question (regular font) and answer (bold font).

24 H in a D - 24 Hours in a Day

** remember to double check your spelling**


These are the numbers I was unable to think of an answer for:

• #3, #6, #7, #10, #14, #17, #19, #20, #24, #28, #29, #30, #31 & #33.

• #3 and #28 were the two where I felt was off by a word or two. I think I got the gist of the phrases right, but specifically it was one of the W's and the P that tripped me up I think.

If you get some of the ones right that I got wrong, let me know in the comments. Or, if you want to know some of the ones I got right that you got wrong, let me know and I will post answers in the comments.

** Added 12:52pm: Upon further review, I may just possess mere mortal intelligence. Just before lunch I saw that there is a second part to the intelligence test, featuring 24 different phrases to decipher. It is certainly a bit more difficult and has a harsher grading scale. I used my lunch time on test #2, and scored only a 12, good enough for "Intelligent". All the same rules apply for this one. I would be interested to know what other people scored.

Here are the ones I got wrong: #1, #3, #4, #5, #8, #15, #18, #19, #20, #21, #23, #24.

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Wonderlic scores in the NFL

Categories: sports, news, intelligence

I spent a portion of yesterday watching the NFL draft combine, courtesy of the live coverage on the NFL Network. It was pretty interesting to watch the drills they go through, mostly because I always wonder how results of some of the non-football drills can be translated into a prediction for success. One of those things is the Wonderlic Personnel Test (WPT), which is an aptitude measurement that can be given by any sort of educational institution or employer seeking to filter applicants. Because the Wonderlic company is trying to make money, you need to pay a fee to take the full 50 question test given to prospective NFL draft picks. Anyways, sports radio is going nuts today because Vince Young, former Texas QB and likely NFL top-5 draft pick, reportedly got a 6 out of 50 on his first Wonderlic test at the combine. I say first because there was some sort of dispute over the scoring of the test and he took the test a second time and scored a 16. Either way that is not exactly a score to write home about. The standard test is 50 problem solving questions in 12 minutes. There are no specific knowledge requirements, but a child would probably not do well on it given the time constraints. I took a sample test of 9 questions (with a 2 minute time limit) that appear on one version of the Wonderlic Personnel Test, and scored an 8 which roughly projects that I would recieve a score of 44 on the full version. I have no idea what an employer might expect from a typical job applicant, but I would imagine a number between 30 and 50 would be reasonable. Nine questions is probably too small of a sample to project accurate results, since I was one unnecessarily rushed answer away from getting a perfect sample test score. Also, given the fact that I have nothing to lose in taking it, my result is probably unfairly skewed to the positive. If I had a $10 million signing bonus (like Vince Young) waiting for me at the finish, or even a $50,000 a year job I might have had a few nervous brain cramps along the way. Here is the link to the sample test, complete with a built-in timer and here is a second link to an ESPN article with an almost identical (but longer) sample test for verification. After the jump I will post some Wonderlic results I found on Wikipedia and elsewhere:

NFL

• Kevin Curis, WR - 48
• Brian Griese, QB - 39
• Akili Smith, QB - 37 (suspected of cheating; scored 15 on first attempt)
• Drew Bledsoe, QB - 37
  
• Tom Brady, QB - 33
• Steve Young, QB - 33
• John Elway, QB - 30
• Brett Favre, QB - 22
• Michael Vick, QB - 20
• Dan Marino, QB - 16
• Jeff George, QB - 10

Other professions:

• Chemist: 31
• Programmer: 29
• Newswriter: 26
• Sales: 24
• Bank teller: 22
• Clerical Worker: 21
• Security Guard: 17
• Warehouse: 15

According to the page preceding the sample test, a score of 21 is average, with it being the equivalent of 100 IQ score. NFL Quarterbacks and offensive linemen average a score around 25, while other positions average approximately 20. The NFL never releases official Wonderlic score results, so the numbers listed above are from anonymous inside sources and are therefore unofficial. See more on Vince Young's Wonderlic story/rumor: Fox Sports, Indianapolis Star, Fort Worth Star Telegram.

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Family Guy: Pinocchio's honesty

Categories: humor, youtube, video

In this Family Guy clip, Gepetto is somewhat disappointed that Pinocchio decides to tell the truth. I have no idea what episode this clip is from, but this is why I love the show.

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when animals attack

Categories: science, psa, future
I came across an article today on the urban cougar and as I was trying to figure out how to bait them into attacking me, I stumbled across the Wikipedia page on actual cougars and how to defend yourself in a confrontation. Then I realized it would be fun to put together a list of all of these theoretical behaviors you are supposed to use when engaged in a potential wild animal attack. I say theoretical because I doubt any scientists volunteered to give these ideas a test run. Needless to say in the heat of the moment you are bound to get these mixed up and hasten your own death. But just in case here is what you need to do:

Pumas

• If confronted by a puma, do not run; that might stimulate its instinct to chase. Instead, stand and face the animal, making eye contact.

• Pick up young children without bending or turning from the puma (if possible).

• Do everything possible to appear larger or intimidating, including raising arms wildly, opening up jacket, and throwing stones and branches.

• Do not crouch down or bend over; this may create the appearance of an ordinary quadruped prey rather than a typically non-prey biped.

• Fight back if attacked. Pumas have been repelled with rocks, sticks, garden tools, kicks, and bare hands; a well placed kick to the face has been known to work.

• The best place to hit a puma is on the nose.

• Do not climb a tree as pumas can climb just as well as (if not much better than) humans.

Bears

• If a Brown Bear attacks and it is not possible to get away, the person should lie down in a fetal position and put his/her hands around the head to protect from bites. Do not panic.

• If you encounter a brown bear it is important to remain calm and to slowly walk in the opposite direction. A running human may trigger the bear's chasing instinct and typically a running bear can outrun a human adult. It is important not to make threatening moves, not to make eye contact nor to shout.

• For black bears, you are better off trying to scare them off rather than playing dead. To do this, huddle together if in a group, raise your hands or backpack in the air to make yourself appear larger, and make plenty of noise.

• Do not look black bears dead in the eye. If it rears up, it does not necessarily mean aggression: a black bear's range of view is three feet off the ground whereas a human's is between five and six. It is trying to get a look at what you are and if you are a threat. You can assess its mood by seeing if it makes a popping sound with its jaw. If it does, it is a warning that it is uncomfortable. That is a sign to slowly back away (if possible) and leave.

• If a black bear does charge, unlike grizzly bears, you should fight back! If you are prudent, and in bear country, you will have a firearm of sufficient caliber to kill large animals. Avail yourself of this and shoot the bear until it dies. If you weren't prudent and are walking around in bear country unarmed, you will need to be more resourceful...In particular, aim for the nose as it is a sensitive part of the bear. Its thick skull makes blows to the top and side of the head nearly useless.

• If you play dead, black bears, unlike grizzlies who may leave you alone, will eat you or drag you away. You cannot outrun a black bear. Also, if you climb a tree, you will soon see the bear coming up after you as black bears also climb trees.

Dogs

• When under an attack by a dog, experts recommend NOT picking up a child; because that act may be interpreted as you attacking. And that would encourage the dog(s) to join in the supposed attack. Instead place yourself between the animal and the child.

• Do not look a dog directly in the eyes. In dog communication, this is an act of dominance or aggression. This is more dangerous when on the same visual level as the dog (such as small children), or when the human is unfamiliar to the dog.

• Running away from a dog: the atavistic chase-and-catch instinct is not fully lost, and most dogs can outrun and overtake the average human.

• The natural instinct to jerk one's hands upwards away from an inquisitive dog often elicits in the dog a strong impulse to grab and hold, or at least to investigate, resulting in the dog jumping on the person and thrusting its head towards the raised hands.

Lions/Tigers

• Make peace with your God because you will soon be dead if they want you to be. Or, if you came prepared wear a masks of a human face on the back of your head. This effectively makes both sides of the wearer appear to be the front, deterring attacks which normally occur from behind.

Sharks

• Always stay in groups since sharks are more likely to attack a solitary individual.

• Do not wander too far from shore --- this isolates an individual and additionally places one far away from assistance.

• Avoid being in the water during darkness or twilight hours when sharks are most active and have a competitive sensory advantage.

• Do not enter the water if bleeding from an open wound or if menstruating --- a shark's olfactory ability is acute.

• Wearing shiny jewelry is discouraged because the reflected light resembles the sheen of fish scales.

• Avoid waters with known effluents or sewage and those being used by sport or commercial fisherman, especially if there are signs of bait fishes or feeding activity. Diving seabirds are good indicators of such action.

• Sightings of porpoises do not indicate the absence of sharks --- both often eat the same food items.

• Use extra caution when waters are murky and avoid uneven tanning and bright colored clothing --- sharks see contrast particularly well.

• Refrain from excess splashing and do not allow pets in the water because of their erratic movements.

• Exercise caution when occupying the area between sandbars or near steep dropoffs --- these are favorite hangouts for sharks.

• Do not enter the water if sharks are known to be present and evacuate the water if sharks are seen while there. And, of course, do not harass a shark if you see one!

Bison

• Nearly all attacks result from provocation, often when someone comes too close in hopes of getting a better picture. When provoked, bison can charge in a fast burst of about 20 mph. People have been butted, thrown into the air, gored, and trampled.

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Requiem for a Toy

Categories: youtube, film, humor, video

First off, before you even consider playing this you need to understand this is Not Safe for Work (NSFW) because of language. A couple, three or four, 4-letter words get dropped. Anyways, this one is for you Kathy. Hopefully you will get a laugh out of it and this will give you one good reason you watched Requiem for A Dream. Either that or it will bring back a flood of unpleasant memories. I thought it was pretty funny. For anyone that hasn't seen the movie, this probably won't make sense.

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a college education

Categories: youtube, awesome, games, stupid

Basically, when you are in college this kid is your worst nightmare on a Friday or Saturday night. I have no doubt that he spent upwards of 50 hours practicing all the tricks that are in this clip. At $17,000 a year tuition (my guess) I am certainly glad not to be his parents. His only saving grace would be if he is a physics major.

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Lisa Loeb on TV

Categories: awesome, video, music, television

A few weeks back when I made that list of The Chloes, I mentioned Lisa Loeb but neglected to actually give her her own picture and explanation. Since then I have been watching her reality show called "#1 Single" on the E! channel. I don't know her whole story, but it appears she was married once but isn't now, and she would like to get back into the dating scene. Her skills are a little rusty, so she sees a person who helps her re-learn how flirt and such. It annoys me though, because they give her all the "here are my thoughts" one-on-one camera time (a la The Real World) when it is really the guys who show up to these presumably blind dates that I want to hear from. That last sentence doesn't quite read back the way I meant it to sound in my head, but I am leaving it in. It would be interesting if they allowed the guys to confess to the camera what they thought when they showed up for the first date and saw that it was Lisa Loeb, a relatively famous person, that was going to be their blind date, and then also asked them to explain how different their behavior was as a result. That is what she is really up against in her dating life. Lisa turns 38 on March 11, 2006...hot!

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Guitar Hero

Categories: awesome, games, music, youtube

I have been dying to play Guitar Hero for about a month now, and last night I got my chance. Let me explain this from the beginning, so you can fully understand why I am excited about a game that has been out for quite a while now: I really don't care for Playstation 2, the dual shock controller really doesn't flow with my hand structure or something. It is unnatural and annoying, so I skipped PS2 altogether. I went with Xbox and Gamecube instead, but I keep tabs on what is out there for PS2 and the video game trends in general. So when I started seeing clips of Guitar Hero I knew I had to play it. For a while I was big into DDR on Xbox, so I knew instantly this game could hook me for a couple months if I just had a way to get my hands on it (because it is only made for PS2). The guitar in the picture acts as a big ass controller, with five colored buttons along the neck, an up/down selector bar in the middle, a fender (I think thats the guitar term for it) and two white buttons that help for menu selection. You watch the sequence of buttons on screen and press the corresponding buttons on the guitar in rhythm with the song. Better rhythm equals better score. Back to last night; I was at Best Buy and the place was a like a ghost town. I should have assumed that 6:30pm on a Wednesday night in the middle of February might not be peak shopping hours. Normally I will stop by to look at new release and on-sale DVDs after Saturday afternoon soccer practice. Of course at that time, the store is packed and there is five deep line of 12 year-olds waiting to take a shot at Guitar Hero. I am sure you can understand how much I would prefer to avoid playing what amounts to a tangible, electronic air guitar in my warm-ups, surrounded by a bunch of 12 year-olds. The only way it could look any worse to a female passerby would be if I were offering reach around instruction on how to hold the guitar to those kids while informing the entire group that I had popsicles for them in my car if they wanted to come outside with me. Time for a new paragraph.

Anyways when I walked through the front door at Best Buy on Wednesday, there was nobody on Guitar Hero and no reasonably attractive females within my line of vision, so I threw on the shoulder strap and selected a little Joan Jett & The Blackhearts "I Love Rock & Roll". I got my ass kicked, and I was playing on beginner difficulty. But to be fair, I was keeping only one eye on the screen and one on the store, looking for people staring at me in disbelief. Plus, its kind of hard to rock out to a chick song. So here is a video clip of my eventual goal for this game, should I ever get the chance to play it at length: Blue Oyster Cult's "Godzilla" on expert difficulty. ** The Blue Oyster Cult clip was removed from YouTube by the idiot user who posted it, so I have replaced it with this pretty good split-screen look at SArmstr0ng playing "Ace of Spades" by Motorhead, a song I only know from Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3.

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my new alarm clock

Categories: awesome, youtube, video,

If someone could take and adapt the lyrics and animation of this to my morning routine and make it the audio/video alarm clock that wakes me up every morning, I think I might actually believe that everyday was going to be the best day of my life. The way the horns blow in before that insanely upbeat first verse would probably have me bounding down the stairs at 5:30am looking for a pot of gold coins, and raring to get the day started. This is probably the reason why getting up at 7am on saturday mornings didnt bother me when I was 9 years old. That and the not falling asleep drunk at 3am Friday night.

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Great. More crappy TV shows

Categories: news, television, opinion, stupid

Every year between January and the end of March, some of our favorite shows go on hiatus in favor of some ridiculous new upstart the networks are trying to promote. By "our favorite shows" I mean shows that have crappy ratings, even though I am convinced that with a little patience their numbers would come around. I say "we" because I know I can't be the only person who thinks like this. Already this year (literally just in 2006) "Love Monkey", "Emily's Reasons Why Not", "Book of Daniel" and "In Justice" have come and gone, while other shows like "The Apprentice: Martha Stewart", "Alias", "The West Wing" and "Will & Grace" have already announced late winter series finales. There will soon be a gaping hole somewhere in the television lineup of every major network. So I took the time to look through a list of the pilots already signed or being considered to fill those voids for 2006-2007. Some of these ideas sound so bad that you had better not blink, or you might miss them. By the way, the list includes comedies, dramas, and dramedies. You tell me which is which.

CBS

• The Way - Powerful New England crime family uses witchcraft to further its business enterprises
• Under Pressure - Centers on a modern-day Indiana Jones who solves past and present mysteries
• Orpheus - Young man's girlfriend is involved in a sophisticated, modern-day cult
• Jericho - Chaos ensues in a small town isolated from the world after a nuclear disaster
• Company Town - Revolves around government agents who live in the same Washington neighborhood
• Ultra - Based on the comic book series about a single city-girl superhero
• Welcome to the Jungle - Teri Polo (Meet the Parents/Fockers) stars in a comedy about women juggling work and family.

Fox

• 13 Graves - Man's search for his missing brother leads him on a treasure hunt across the U.S.
• Beyond - Thriller set in NASA's jet propulsion lab about the ongoing race to space
• Julie Reno, Bounty Hunter - a single mother down on her luck turns to bounty hunting.

NBC

• Heroes - Group of seemingly everyday people discover that they have superpowers
  
• Seeing Red - Eccentric, brilliant cop talks to dead victims that help him solve his cases

ABC

• A House Divided - An escalating conflict between a Midwest farming community and the US government sows the seeds of what will be the next civil war in present-day America.

And yet somehow I know that a year from now, CBS is going to claim to be "America's most watched network". And yes, I am still pissed that Fox is cancelling "Arrested Development".

If you click on any of the links above you will see that I left some shows off this list. I did that primarily because they had bland, but reasonable premises.

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Avian flu scare tactics

Categories: news, psa, science, opinion

Time for another conspiracy theory, this time courtesy of the avian flu. Actually this is more opinion than conspiracy. First we had the anthrax scares in the wake of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. That was followed up in 2003 by SARS, a disease that kills almost 10% of the people it infects. Once the focus began shifting away from an "epidemic" that has a 90% survival rate, we were informed of the presence of the rapidly spreading "bird flu" by the fear-mongers. Since 2003, the disease has killed 92 of the 170 humans that have contracted it (54.1%). What is not widely reported is that of all the human cases ever known to exist, not a single one has ever involved a professional health worker. So far, the only humans who have contracted the avian flu are those that spend generous amounts of time physically handling sick birds. Media outlets generally tend to speak about the potential risk of an avian flu pandemic, meaning a large scale outbreak of the influenza virus with few viable means for containment. At this point the avian flu can only be considered an endemic, a disease outbreak localized to one region with a very abnormal (relative to the average global citizen's lifestyle) method for spreading. Any significant movement towards this becoming an epidemic would require the flu to mutate into a form more easily contracted and passed from human to human. The threat of mutation is real, but the outcome is not at all predictable. The fact is that any mutant variations of the avian flu have an equal probability of an increased or decreased risk to humans.

Vietnam, the country hit hardest by initial outbreaks of the virus has recently entered its fourth consecutive month without any new cases. Although they have had by far the worst time dealing with avian flu, having suffered 93 human cases and 42 deaths (45.2%), Vietnam has proved that in its current form the avian flu can be contained and prevented. That is a powerful statement being made by a country with a vastly inferior health care system to that of the United States. Not surprisingly I could not find any mention of this in the online editions of major American news outlets. The articles I found were either based in foreign countries (The Independent(UK), The Hamilton Spectator (UK) ) or smaller American publications (Agriculture Online, Des Moines IA). I believe that while this potentially a serious health risk, globally we are probably in good shape handling the avian flu with steady communication of the risks and symptoms and the current bird vaccinations. I can't help but believe much of this fear-mongering in the media is in some way being driven by people with an agenda to sell newspapers, advertising slots on television or the Tamiflu based human vaccinations currently in development.

** Added 2/22/06, 12:20pm** Check out this headline from today's Yahoo! News: 'Anti bird-flu' water goes on sale in Czech Republic.

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classical music

Categories: music, film, psa

I enjoy classical music, but one of my problems is that I have no idea who wrote what. I probably couldn't name one composer outside of Mozart, Bach, Beethoven and Aaron Copeland (Hoedown from Rodeo aka the "Beef its whats for dinner" song), if that even counts. But I always find myself watching movies and thinking "hey I kinda like that, I wouldn't mind having it in my iTunes." The only problem is that movies have the annoying habit of featuring only snippets of movements or operas or whatever, so even if you try to find the music online there is at least a 50% that the clip you find may be a different movement from the same concerto. There is also about a 90% chance (unless you are using iTunes) that someone has incorrectly given credit to Bach, Mozart, Beethoven, John Williams or Danny Elfman for something they did not write or conduct, which totally screws up searches. So I found a site called Bohemian Opera that has indexed the classical pieces used in hundreds of different movies. The easiest way to navigate the site is to go straight to the movie index and search by movie. I think most people will find that to be the easier choice, since there would be no need to use the site if you already know the music. From there it is just a matter of remembering what you movie had some music that peaked your interest. Here is a list of the music a few memorable scenes in some bigger movies just to give you an idea of the accuracy of the site:

• Shawshank Redemption - Mozart - Sull'aria from the opera 'Le Nozze di Figaro - (Andy locks himself in the office and blares music of the loudspeaker.)

• Seven (Se7En) - Bach - Orchestral Suite No.3, 'Air on G String' - BWV 1068 (Morgan Freeman in the library looking up Dante' for reference to the seven deadly sins while the guards play poker.)

• Needful Things -
  
• Grieg - In The Hall of the Mountain King from Peer Gynt Suite (montage of everyone doing their favor for the devil after getting the gift they wanted)
• Schubert - Ave Maria, Op.52/6 (Ellens Gesang III) -- D.839 (those two crazy chicks have a knife fight to the death because one thinks she killed her dog and the other thinks she threw those green apples through all her windows.)

• Ocean's Eleven - Debussy - Clair de lune de la 'Suite Bergamasque' (final scene, watching the water fountains outside the Bellagio, then slowly going their separate ways)

• Casino - Bach - No 68: 'Wir setzen uns mit Tränen nieder' from St. Matthew Passion - BWV 244 (opening and closing scenes, when Robert DeNiro is almost killed by a car bomb).

• 2001: A Space Odyssey - R. Strauss - Also Sprach Zarathustra (Ode to the Sun)

• Apocalypse Now - Wagner - Ride of the Valkyries from the opera 'Die Walküre'

It really sort of works best if you look at it immediately after watching a movie that features music you like. It does not really work well if you are looking for original score music from movies. For example if you are looking for the theme from Last of the Mohicans, it does not work very well because Trevor Jones and Randy Edelman are not necessarily considered classical composers.

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Family Guy: Wonder Twins

Categories: youtube, humor, video,

I just need to throw this one out there so that I am not left looking like an ass the next time I make reference to "playing the waiting game" with friends.

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NBC's gain is also NBC's loss

Categories: youtube, television, stupid, humor

I just read that NBC has asked YouTube to pull the "Lazy Sunday" (Chronicles of Narnia rap) from their website. Personally I did not think the clip was that great, but it was probably one of the most popular clips floating around the Internet during the last month. In addition to that clip, NBC has asked that at least 500 other entertainment and Olympic related clips be removed from the site. Not surprisingly, "Lazy Sunday" is still available for purchase ($2) from iTunes, although it was previously available for free. So if you notice some broken links to the Conan O'Brien and SNL posts I have made previously, this is why. The question I have is this: Is this just an example of NBC being ridiculously short sited? Or will this have the domino effect on the other major networks and the content they allow to be shared for free on the Internet? I think NBC is making a huge mistake, because "Lazy Sunday" almost certainly was seen by more people as an Internet clip than it was live on December 17th. Charging $2 for the clip is going to stunt the growth in popularity that would convince many people to pay $2 in the first place. It's quite the conundrum. This all took place on Friday and already today, I noticed a severe lack of Conan O'Brien clips and a rapidly disappearing stock of SNL material from the YouTube servers. It is their copyrighted material and there is no question they should be allowed to set the rules for its usage. I just question whether or not that is a smart move. So before NBC completely bottlenecks the supply of decent SNL material floating around the Internet, I wanted to post one last clip: More Cowbell.

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cellular phone tracking

Categories: news, psa, law, opinion

There is a hot new consumer privacy controversy beginning to surface in American courts, and it has to do with your cellular phone. In 1994, the Communications Assistance for Law Enforcement Act (CALEA) featured a section of law regarding the use of tracking information gathered by cellular phone service providers. Tracking works like this: any time you are within range of a cellular tower, your phone sends intermittent signals to the tower with its general location, even if your phone is off (unless the battery is out). We see it on the phone as service bars or signal strength. Every 60-90 seconds, your phone evaluates it's signal strength by pinging the nearest tower. That ping creates a record of the location of your phone with your service provider, who is required by the FCC to keep a log of this information for 911 emergency response situations. When you make an actual call, that location information can identify your location within a couple hundred feet. In your terms of service agreement (TOS) a phone call is considered voluntary transmission, which gives your service provider implied consent to turn over any location information to law enforcement agencies. Worse yet, if you have a GPS service on your phone, your service provider has your exact location at all times your phone is on. Back to 1994. When CALEA was still being passed through Congress, FBI Director Louis Freeh promised to Congress that this tracking information would never be subpoenaed from cellular service companies without evidence of a crime being committed, even though they are technically entitled to that information at anytime thanks to the wording of CALEA. Just recently, there have been a rash of cases that have violated that promise. Since August 2005 that US Department of Justice (USDOJ) has filed six requests for cellular phone tracking warrants without providing probable cause. Three times, in the courts of New York, Texas and Maryland those requests were denied, as the presiding judges properly (my opinion) held the request to the standards set by traditional wiretapping laws. The fourth request, also in New York, was granted based on the judge's interpretation of the USA Patriot Act. In January a federal court in Wisconsin denied a USDOJ request, while a Louisiana court granted a warrant. So across the nation we have a 4-2 split on the legality of these requests based simply on the opinions of six judges. What that leaves us with is less than a law. We essentially now have a theory creating the rules in our courtrooms, and depending on which judge the USDOJ shops it to they might or might not be able to circumvent actual laws.

In the event of an actual emergency, I would lean towards approving cellular phone tracking without abundant probable cause. For example, if a car with a child in the backseat were stolen and it was known that a cell phone (from the owner) was in the car, then it would be in everyone's best interest to track that phone in an attempt to protect the safety of the child. But consider the details of the denied request in Wisconsin: The state Narcotics Bureau was attempting to track the cellular phone of a known drug user in order to get a location on that user's drug supplier. So the USDOJ intervened on their behalf and made this request in federal court. Remember this was a request to do so without any probable cause. Drugs are bad, but that does not mean we get to trample on drug user's rights. The ends cannot always justify the means. Already social service departments in Virginia and Iowa are using cellular phone records to track down parents in efforts to recover delinquent child support payments. Pennsylvania is now also trying to get approval to use cellular phone records in the same manner. The state estimates that there are nearly 6.5 million cell phone users out of their 12.4 million residents.

Once again, bad laws are being built on the backs of good causes. The USDOJ has taken one great cause, the FCC's emergency call tracking requirements, and twisted it into a disgusting abuse of power and invasion of privacy. Hopefully the efforts to prevent unjust cellular tracking by consumer advocacy groups like The Federal Defenders of New York will prevail. They believe that ultimately this matter will be decided at trial, when someone convicted of a crime by evidence gathered through cellular phone tracking can challenge the legality of the initial tracking warrant. A defeat for the USDOJ in that situation could set the legal precedence to effectively overturn the wording of the CALEA that allows this issue to exist at all.

If this sounds familiar, it might be because the USDOJ is making promises similar to those of Louis Freeh in 1994 in response to the cyber stalking provisions of the Violence Against Women Reauthorization Act. Click here to see that entry. It might come in handy a decade from now when I am posting about how the USDOJ has broken that promise and is looking to prosecute bloggers for "annoying" people. If you want a laugh, see how these jackass CIA officers participating in the covert Rendition program (featured on 60 minutes, January 2006) potentially exposed activities by leaving their cell phone batteries in.

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I think we all can relate

Categories: humor, youtube, stewie, video

I think everyone can relate to Brian on this one. My novel is actually a combination of folding and hanging my clean laundry, vacuuming my car and learning advanced web languages. What is yours?

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why I slept in today

Categories: awesome, television

I finished the majority of the previous post while watching an episode of "Quantum Leap" which to my surprise featured Teri Hatcher. It was awesome. Not surprisingly Sam was trying to interfere with people from his own life while at the same time accomplishing his mission in the body he travelled back through time to. Al tried to help and Ziggy was unhappy with their deviation from the original plan. As I finished up and planned to shut my computer down, the hour ended (1am-2am EST) and a new episode (2am-3am EST) began. When I checked the on-screen info I saw that it just so happened to be the pilot episode for the series, completely lacking the opening theme song I came to know from reruns. So I am watching it now, just to see if any of the questions I used to have about the show happened to be answered in this first episode. Currently Sam cannot believe he has made the leap, as it is the first time their experiment has been tested. He also is astonished by his appearance (remember he looks like the body he has inhabited to everyone except Al) and is unaware that he will not be able to go home to the present anytime soon. It appears as though the pilot was a two part episode which means I have many minutes ahead of me tonight. If by some miracle the pilot is followed by the series finale, I will be sure to post a summary for anyone like myself who never had a chance to catch the show during its regularly scheduled time slot, and was forced to piece together the final season based on the random rerun schedule put together by the USA Network on weekday mornings during the summer. One of my biggest questions was this: Why at the end of the episode when Sam leaps, doesnt the following episode ever begin from that same point? Is that just a result of the haphazard programming of USA reruns? That always confused me.

One last note, in addition to Ziggy (the supercomputer that helps them figure out the missions) there is another scientist named Douchey. Ha Ha.

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pimp my company car

Categories: news, law, stupid, finance

This is the Hummer H2. The suggested retail price on the base model of this vehicle is between $53,000 and $59,000. The H2 weighs 8,000 pounds. General Motors does not have an official fuel economy rating, though it is believed to have a best case scenario of 14-17 miles per gallon (city/highway) and a worst case scenario 8-11 mpg. So why would anyone want one of these highly impractical, beautiful monstrosities? Well because the US Government allows a massive tax deduction to people who own them. To be fair, the deduction in question applies to business owners purchasing vehicles weighing over 6,000 lbs for company use. Originally the deduction was created with small business owners in mind to help offset some of the cost of purchasing of commercial transport trucks, when the average price of commercial vehicles was enormous compared to the average consumer vehicle. Typically the actual dollar figure for the amount of taxable income deducted is about 30% of the vehicle's price with a varied ceiling from year to year. After the downturn of the economy in 2001, credited in part to the terrorist attacks of 9/11, the deduction cap was set at $75,000 and was further increased to $102,000 in 2004, all in an effort to generate luxury auto sales which in turn strengthens the economy. For 2005 the cap has been lowered to $25,000 but there have been few politicians suggesting our federal tax codes be revised to prevent the subsidized purchase of high-end sport utility vehicles. As far as the business aspect of purchasing one of these vehicles, there are no restrictions except that it must be used exclusively for work. If you are wondering, an IRS business audit can include vehicle mileage, but personal trips around town running errands are not likely to raise red flags. Currently doctors, lawyers and many small business owners with the income to afford the increased costs associated with owning poor fuel economy vehicles are taking advantage of this tax loophole. All of this is being done in the name of economic growth. Anyone choosing to do our environment (or our Middle East petroleum dependency - to quote our President) a favor and purchase an eco-friendly hybrid vehicle will be granted a generous $3,150 tax credit, regardless of your income tax bracket or price of the vehicle. Likewise, small business owners that purchase vehicles weighing less than 6,000 lbs continue to get the finger from the government. In the years after the initial purchase of a sub-three ton vehicle small business owners are allowed to deduct a maximum of $15,535 of depreciation over six years, while an SUV purchase allows the owner to deduct the full vehicle depreciation over that same period, a difference of thousands of dollars per year.

Senator Rick Grassley of Iowa, the chairman of the Senate Finance Committee is currently working to create a bill that would even things up between purchasers of hybrid vehicles and SUVs. Amazingly enough, though members of our Congress claim that the tax credit helps stir economic growth, the IRS has never bothered to keep statistics detailing exactly how many Americans take advantage of it.

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Michael Jordan

Categories: sports, psa, awesome, video

Another birthday wish, this time to Michael Jordan. He turns 43 today, February 17th. I used to have a wall full of posters, pictures, Sports Illustrated covers. Pretty much anything I could find that had to do with Jordan. Then I went to college and my parents destroyed it all. When you live in Michigan and have to put up with the dumbass "Bad Boys" Pistons fans and the current bandwagon riders it can drive you crazy. So here is a little reminder of how Jordan owned the ass of every NBA fan in every city for the better part of 15 years. If in 40 years, I have kids and grandkids and somehow basketball and the media have grown to the point that I have to even argue that Jordan was the best basketball player ever, I am going to be furious.

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I know this feeling

Categories: humor, video, youtube, stupid

Fridays can be a little slow at work sometimes. So I am extending my lunch break and making this my third post of the day. Anyways, I found this video through Gorilla Mask, but since they don't tolerate external links to their site I was forced to find it elsewhere which makes it look as though this was my own idea. I try not to be an unoriginal bastard. This same thing happened to me not too long ago, only the helicopter was me trying to take off my shoes after a night of drinking, the aircraft carrier was my bed and the ocean was the floor. Not good times.

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the duel nature of me

Categories: news, psa, law, opinion

Duels have not been legal in the United States in quite some time. From what I can tell dueling is technically still legal in a few states, but would probably not hold water as a homicide defense in a courtroom. That being said I think we should institute some sort of standardized, legal fist fighting in the United States. Not boxing, just some sort of raw, physical method of resolving conflicts. Sort of like what you see in movies, like The Warriors or The Outsiders. One person challenges another to a fist fight, they agree on terms and then they fight, but not to the death. Theoretically it could help alleviate some of the issues with our legal system and help deter gun violence. In my hypothetical fist fight society, if you had a legitimate reason for a dispute with someone, failed to challenge them to a fist fight and then comitted a violent crime against them, you would bypass your legal rights to a trial and be sentenced to a proportionate prison term by a judge. Otherwise, you schedule your fist fight and when it concludes, so does your dispute with the other party for all of eternity. It would be like our current double jeopardy rules. If you challenge someone and they choose not to defend their position, then you win. A 1-800 call center would determine the legitimacy of fist-fight-worthy disputes, not unlike the TBS "very funny" commercials. The following is an open invitation, challenging the people listed to a fist fight at a time of their choosing at a mutually agreed upon location. For some of the names I will provide an explanation, the others should be obvious:

• Scott Stapp (Creed)
  
• Chad Kroeger (Nickelback)
  
• Troy Polamalu
  
• Ozzie Guillen
• Bode Miller
• Dick Vitale
• Chuck Norris - just to put this whole Chuck Norris nostalgia to rest.
• Texas (the whole eff'ing state)
  
• Matthew McConaughey - for liking Texas
  
• Harrison Ford - for attempting to pull of Indian Jones 4 at age 63.
• James Cameron - for not sacking up and making the real Terminator 3.
• Chris Tucker - what the hell have you been up to lately? I like your movies.
  
• Edward Norton - ditto
• Rush Limbaugh
• A-Rod
• Derek Jeter
• Bobby Knight
• Dan Patrick - for pretending it is everyone else that makes mountains out of molehills in sports media.
  
• Brett Favre
• Stephen Jackson - for running all over the Lions in a MNF pre-season game days before my fantasy draft, only to suck during the regular season.
• Teddy Bruschi
• Al Maguire, Joe Theismann & Mike Patrick - for flip flopping on Sunday night football.
• Paul Walker - Cuz. Bro. Have you watched 2 Fast 2 Furious? His acting is horrendous.
• Robert Rodriguez - For not at least delivering side boob from Jessica Alba's Nancy Callahan in Sin City.
• Coach K
• Andy Samberg
• Seth Myers
• Johnny Damon
  
• Kobe Bryant
• Phil Jackson
• France

If I lose, then I will bury the hatchet and forever sing their praises. No hard feelings. If I win, then I demand that the opposing party cease and desist with any activities I find annoying. This includes but is not limited to: talking, showing up on TV, practicing your profession, continuing membership as a state in the Union.

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The F-word

Categories: film, opinion, weird

I think I am immune to the word f--k. In the event that anyone is looking at this from somewhere that might employ the use of a filter, I am not going to spell out the entire word. Anyhow, I was looking through Wikipedia and came across a list of movies ranked in order by the number of times they use the word. The list shows 71 movies ranked by the total uses of the word, length of the film and F-words per minute. What makes me think I am immune to it is the sheer number of times the word is used in movies. Of the films I own on this list, I would say the average number of uses per movie is well over 100. So when you consider that a typical movie is between 90-120 minutes, you are looking at about one F-bomb per minute. Of course there are the obvious titles like Scarface but there are also not so obvious titles like Good Will Hunting:

Name ,Total Uses, Length (min), F---'s/per minute
3. Casino - 422 , 178, 2.37
11. The Big Lebowski - 281, 98, 2.4
15. Pulp Fiction - 271, 154, 1.76
17. Resevoir Dogs - 252, 99, 2.55
21. The Boondock Saints - 246, 110, 2.24
28. Scarface - 218, 170, 1.28
29. Training Day - 211, 120, 1.76
31. American History X - 205, 119, 1.72
33. Magnolia - 190, 188, 1.01
35. Donnie Brasco - 187, 127 , 1.47
42. Snatch - 153, 102, 1.50
46. South Park: The Movie - 146, 81, 1.80
56. Good Will Hunting - 129, 126, 1.02
61. Phone Booth - 122, 81, 1.50

First of all, the total number of of uses of the F word in any of these movies is staggering. I just watched Good Will Hunting and I can't believe that there were 129 F-words in it. I would have guessed about 40. That is a movie I would have previously recommended to just about anyone who has not seen it, but now I am not so sure. Obviously context is a big part of language, but when you think about 129 times in 126 minutes, context will only carry you so far. I think I just simply block it out.

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Ads I hate

Categories: television, stupid, opinion

Does anyone understand this Jimmy Fallon Pepsi commercial? I really don't get it, and I am not the sort of person who is averse to offbeat humor in advertising. What I don't understand is why Jimmy Fallon? The girl is not famous, and he does not really bring any Jimmy Fallon "signature" comedy to the ad, so why even have him in it? I could understand two famous people or no famous people, but not one. Is this a sign that people have figured him out? That Taxi and Fever Pitch were pretty much the standard for what he can bring to a movie? Or maybe it is just Pepsi that sucks. Now that I think about it, the Jackie Chan and P. Diddy ads are just as unbearable. I really wish there was a hotline or something you could use to call and voice displeasure with advertising because occassionally I see an ad that totally sucks, but it is for an established product so I know it is sticking around. The ad does not necessarily feature anything new, it is just a reminder to check that product out. It probably does not increase or decrease sales, yet the ad remains on tv. I am completely drawing a blank on a decent example, but I am pretty sure there used to be one featuring McDonald's not too long ago within their annoying "I'm loving it" campaign. I think it may have had something to do with poetry or some kind of lyrical verse. I have an odd smirk on my face as I type this from the fact that I have managed to abort it from my memory, because I clearly remember maybe 6-12 months ago being insanely furious everytime it came on the radio. To summarize I want to be able to complain directly to someone when I hate a commercial, so that they understand that everytime I see or hear that ad it tacks on another two weeks of me actively abstaining from purchasing their product. I don't think that is too much to ask.

** Thank to the anonymous tipster who let me know that the girl in this ad is Parker Posey, from such movies as Scream 3, You've Got Mail, and Dazed and Confused. The name is totally familiar, but I think in my mind her face was pushed aside to make room for Piper Perabo. But once I looked up her IMDB page, I remembered seeing her in other things. It is like a lesser degree of the whole Bill Paxton/Bill Pullman thing. Damn their alliterative first names. Somehow I think this only reinforces my point. **

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Happy Birthday Kim Jong-il

Categories: news, politics, humor, video


It is Kim Jong-il's birthday today. He is 65 according to Wikipedia. Now from CNN and various sources on the Internet, a list of his greatest achievements (originally printed in his official North Korean bio):

"Kim pilots jet fighters, pens operas, produces movies and accomplished a feat unmatched in the annals of professional golf by shooting 11 holes-in-one on the first round he ever played...Kim Jong-il is blessed with a photographic memory. Kim goes through intensive memory training every day and can remember the phone numbers of workers, lines of computer code and the personal biographies of cadres...After building a strong North Korean film industry, Kim created a new revolutionary opera and adapted some of his films into operas. Then he developed a new type of literature."

It must be hard to be so well rounded.

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Conspiracy Theory 9/11

Categories: news, politics, opinion,

**Updated 3/26/2006. The Pentagon portion of this conspiracy theory, including the flash movie (Pentagon Strike) by Darren Williams, is what I believe Charlie Sheen is referring to as his "research" for the basis of his conspiracy claims. Read Charlie Sheen doubts 9/11 reports.**

Last week I was listening to a radio interview of Dr. James H. Fetzer, Distinguished McKnight University professor at the University of Minnesota-Duluth. Fetzer, Dr. David Ray Griffin and many other collegiate professors and PhD's have formed a group called Scholars for 9/11 Truth. What he had to say was very interesting, but working only from my memory of 9/11, I had no idea if any of his suggestions were reasonable. So over the last week or so, I have been reading and bookmarking some of the findings and theories of the events of September 11, 2001 in order to make this entry. As you can probably imagine, the evidence from that day consists of thousands of pages of interviews, reports, video tapes and theoretical analyses. In short, I would assume that the terrorist attack on 9/11 was probably the most well documented historical event of all time. So I will focus on two major apects of the 9/11 attack, their explanations and the corresponding conspiracy theories. The Scholars for 9/11 Truth was my starting point for the conspiracy theory, which quickly led me to Wikipedia. I have not yet seen Fahrenheit 9/11, so I am not sure how much of this would be new information to anyone who has seen it. My guess is that if Michael Moore had thrown some of these ideas into that film, he would have been drawn and quartered by American citizens.

1. The collapse of WTC 1, WTC 2, and WTC 7: Before and After.
According to the National Institute for Standards and Technology (NIST), WTC 1 and WTC 2, suffered structural damage from the impact the planes and subsequent fires that ultimately caused the collapse of the buildings. The video we have seen of all of this seems to support this relatively common sense explanation. Conspiracy theorists have a similar, yet different view of the collapse of the buildings. The argument here is a matter of energy. Industrial steel has a melting point of 2800F, while jet fuel has a maximum burning energy of about 800F. Theoretical analysis says that temperatures on the hottest floor after impact would have been near 2000F, a temperature that would have significantly weakened the steel beam infrastructure of a WTC floor. Video shows the towers fell in roughly 10 seconds from start to finish. From the top of the highest floor, an object dropped to the ground would take approximately 10 seconds to hit the ground, provided it only enountered wind resistance. To a conspiracy theorist this suggests that the floors that were damaged enough to collapse were aided by "something else" that allowed the entire structure (including less damaged floors above and below the point of impact) to collapse in 10 seconds. Skeptics believe there had to be a secondary source of energy to create the additonal heat needed to increase steel and concrete support beam damage to the point of the collapse of the towers. That something else is controlled demolition.