"Lost" is losing me

Categories: television, opinion

If you are still living in the unconditional love fantasy world for the show "Lost", I think you might want to skip this entry. I wouldn't want to be responsible for spreading my pessimitic outlook on the show's progression to any innocent bystanders.

Lately I have been wondering if ABC really knows where they are headed in terms of the immediate and long term future of their television lineup. About a month ago I couldn't think of a bad word to say about "Lost", but lately I have bee a little dismayed at the development of the central storyline of the show. I can't quite figure out who is to blame for the recent lapse in progression of the show. Part of that is my fault for believing what writer/producer Damon Lindelof had to say about the show in an interview you can find on About.com:

Damon Lindelof on Lost's Indefinite Schedule:
“If J.J. and I and Carlton decided we’re done, they would say, ‘Okay, we’re just going to bring somebody else in to run the show.’ That’s what happened to Chris Carter. People look at that show and say, ‘I’m disappointed with the way The X-Files ended’ but Chris Carter wanted to do four seasons and a movie. The movie would have answered everything definitively but Fox said, ‘Great, you can leave the show but we own the show and we’re going to keep doing the show.’He said, ‘I would rather run my own show into the ground than let somebody else do it.’ I respect that. Hopefully they (ABC) will not make the same mistake with Lost and hopefully we will be able to dig our heels in because we have an ending of the show, we know when it is, we know how many episodes it is, but we have to talk to the powers that be, the people who paid for the show in order to execute that. I think it would be very hard if we did our ending for anybody to come into the show after.”

So if you were an "X-Files" fan like I was, I hope you feel a sense of closure knowing that the way those last few seasons were strung together was not the original intent of the series' creator. You can read right in that statement, that the "Lost" team has a set number of episodes in mind for the arc of the show, and presumably we should believe that number of episodes is well beyond what we are at now (41 episodes). I still want to believe Damon Lindelof is telling the truth, but lately quite a few things have made me wonder if they aren't already mixing in storylines in preparation for the show outlasting their original story arc. First, there was Sun's baby which didn't really make sense to me. What is the significance of bringing that development into the show? I saw it only as a way to help mend the relationship with her husband but now that that seems to be complete, in the future they will have to work the development of the pregnancy into storylines. Not only that but we have already covered most of the child related angles with Walt and Aaron, so if we make it to the point where Sun and Jin are freaking out about insignificant crap like fevers and baby stealers and Jack has to calm them down, I am going to quit watching the show...

It also seems as though the relevant aspects of the main characters pasts have been very few and far between. There was a period in the first season and the beginning of the second season where almost everytime there was a flashback, we were able to draw a connection between at least two of the characters on the island. For example, Jack's decision to operate on his future wife's back introduced us to Desmond (from the hatch) and also probably ended up killing Shannon and Boone's dad. Likewise, in the episode where we found out what Kate did she visits her real father at his Army recruitment office only to see Sayid on television in the background being taken into custody during the Gulf War. I almost forgot about Jack's dad and Sawyer actually meeting each other in Australia. It seems as though the show has sort of dumbed itself down to the level of an updated Blue Lagoon or Cast Away. I think part of that is because of the computer. I am still really curious to know what happens if they don't execute the code, but seriously how many times can the writers think of ways to create drama centered around the pressing of the button? How dumb does everyone on the island have to be not to have at least 4 people in the hatch at all times?

I want to make this statement right now, even though I know full well it will change nothing. I just want it on the record so that when it happens and I get mad, I can prove that I saw it coming. At whatever point another group of people are stranded on the island, there ought to be a quick explanation that ties together the overall similarities of either their crash or their pasts with the people already on the island. We get the point that Ana Lucia is a foil for Sayid, Sawyer for Jack and Mr. Eko for Locke. There is no need to go through that again.

The next issue I have is with the scheduling of the show. I know there are 36 weeks in the television season and most shows only shoot 24 episodes, which creates necessary gaps in the weekly schedule. "24" has handled this by taking all of their lumps up front and beginning their season about 12 weeks in, missing the November sweeps but locking down their entire viewer demographic every Monday from January to May. "Lost" chooses to draw out the season over the entire 36 weeks, leaving us with months like this March where out of five Wednesdays, "Lost" showed two new episodes. I think this is a fairly stupid approach and will end up hurting the show once the story really begins to seem drawn out. If you look at the ratings that might already have started. I like to compare it to "Desperate Housewives", the other formerly hot ABC mystery. Last season at this same point, "Lost" had a 10.1/17 rating, meaning that 10% of US households were tuned in to the show and about 17% of all televisions in use (accounting for multiple sets in a houselhold) were tuned in. Likewise Desperate Housewives got a 15.3/23 rating. This season, "Lost" has a 6.1/9 rating and Desperate Housewives 13.3/20. Those are weekly numbers, but I made sure to use weeks when new episodes aired. From those numbers, it looks like interest in both shows is already waning. I gave up on DH a long time ago, and for me "Lost" is really starting to lose its luster.

At this point what I am looking for is a real flury of developments on the show over these last 6 weeks before the season finale. I think this week's episode made some strides in that direction, but I also think it took at least one step backward. I can't even say there is necessarily anything specific I need to see happen, I just want the creators to prove to me they still have their master plan and are in fact using it.

**Updated 4/1/2006. I found a list of the upcoming air schedule for "Lost" this spring. You will see that my patience will be tested during yet another two week span of reruns later this month. You will need to highlight just beyond the - (because I put white text on white background) to see the episode names. I don't think they spoil anything, but I will let you be the judge of that.**

LOST Season 2 Episode 18 - "Dave" (Hurley-centric)
Airing April 5, 2006

LOST Season 2 Episode 19 - "S.O.S." (Rose/Bernard-centric)
Airing April 12, 2006

LOST Season 2 Episode 20 - "Two For The Road"
Airing May 3, 2006

LOST Season 2 Episode 21 - "?"
Airing May 10, 2006

LOST Season 2 Episode 22 - "Three Minutes"
Airing May 17, 2006

LOST Season 2 Episode 23 - Title unknown
Airing May 24, 2006 (Season finale)

See also:
The Journey of Lost
The Lost Master Plan

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Joga Bonita

Categories: sports, awesome, video, opinion, youtube

From time to time I get in the argument with my friends about why soccer isn't more popular as a televised sport in the United States. Part of my answer is that good soccer is pretty hard to watch in the US without some pretty expensive cable TV packages. Occasionally Fox Sports will run a game of the week, but it is usually in the middle of the day during the week, when everyone is at work. This is the new ad campaign Nike is going to be running through the 2006 World Cup. During the 2002 World Cup you might remember they had a pretty phenomenal ad campaign centered around a fictional Scorpion Tournament featuring eighteen of the best players in the world. Nike is currently developing a soccer networking website with Google called Joga. The details of what exactly it is going to be are a little sketchy, though I got the impression it was possibly going to be like a soccer themed MySpace type of site. 'Joga Bonita' (play beautiful) has a theme for each ad. Ronaldhino (the first ad) represents joy, Thierry Henry (second) represents honor and Wayne Rooney (third) represents heart. This is all a part of the reason I believe the sport is not as popular here in the states. Not because our players lack those characteristics, but because we just don't have even one of the 30 best players in the world, except for maybe one of our goalkeepers. When you watch the US National team, 99% of the time a goal is scored it is because of great teamwork and combination play that leads to a wide open player with 15 yards of the goal or a nice cross that is played one-touch past the keeper. Don't get me wrong, it is a good way to go about things, and it shows that players are intelligent and well coached, but it lacks imagination and flare. If we were talking American football, it is the equivalent of watching a team run the ball 40 times a game in the old "3 yards and a cloud of dust" offense. Or in baseball, watching a team come to the plate, score 3 runs on 10 singles and then playing good defense. The US just needs a creative, dynamic goal scorer to really make things take off. That argument has been made before and a lot of people expect that from Freddy Adu. I am not sure what I think of that possibility, so I have this video of Thierry Henry. It's a compilation from the 2005 season and the 2006 season in progress, so I think it is a pretty accurate representation of what you to expect over the course of a season from one of the world's best and one of the many non-Americans you will want to keep an eye out for when the World Cup starts in June:

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this is weird. Britney's statue

Categories: weird, women, news, music

I am assuming you want to know what the hell this picture is. Well it is a artistic sculpture that will soon be on display at the Capla Kesting Fine Art gallery inn Brooklyn, New York. The title is Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston. If that name sounds familiar it is because that is the name of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline's child. As you can see the statue features a naked, pregnant Britney on all fours atop a bearskin rug. If thats not enough, the rear view of the statue features the crowning head of Sean Preston, as she is apparently attempting to give birth in a very awkward and unorthodox manner. Hot. Gross. The artist, Daniel Edwards, said he created the sculpture as a pro-life tribute to child birth (Yahoo! News). If the baby is crowning, and she is nude, that means there has to be some rather intimate anatomical features on display with her in that unflattering position. It seems to be a little inappropriate. How can you do anything but stare? The statue is a litte more Larry Flynt's Hustler than it is Michaelangelo's David. Anyhow, it debuts April 7th and to this point there have been no comments about it from Britney or Kevin.

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The Ticket Reserve & Yabbage

Categories: awesome, tech, sports, psa,

How much faith do you have in your favorite sports team? It is important to know, because there is a website out that there that is willing to give you a bargain on good tickets for a price, but in order for it to truly succeed, it requires a tremendous leap of faith. It is called The Ticket Reserve and they sell rights to tickets at a low cost, well in advance of the actual event. That is a pretty unclear explanation of what they actually do so here is an example of how I would use it: The 2007 (next February) Super Bowl is being played in Miami, and right now nobody has a clue who will be playing in it. I am a Detroit Lions fan, so through The Ticket Reserve I could pay about $50 per ticket for the rights to buy a face value ticket to the 2007 Super Bowl, called a Fan Forward (FF). As the NFL season progresses and it appears the Lions will make the playoffs, the price for those rights will rise in value. I have the option at any point prior to the mathematical or actual elimination (if they lose in the playoffs) to sell my FF for whatever the market will bear. I can set my asking price however I would like but there is no guarantee anyone will buy it. In the event the Lions make the Super Bowl, I am guaranteed the option to purchase one ticket at face value for every FF I own. So if the average face value for a Super Bowl ticket is $400 and I get my reserve in at $50 right now, I will have only paid $450 for my Super Bowl ticket, while people who take the traditional approach of waiting until after the matchup is decided risk paying more than $2,000 (on average) per ticket from scalpers and auctions.

The Fan Forward is non-refundable, so the ability to sell your investment during the season becomes a game of musical chairs so to speak. If you are stuck with your FF when your team is eliminated, you are SOL with the money you have paid. From what I can understand, the site is in control of a limited number of tickets they either have already or believe they can get, and since only two teams can make it to the Super Bowl, they can afford to basically provide X number of guaranteed tickets for users shopping the NFL market, regardless of demand. The whole thing is kind of like Las Vegas, where Super Bowl odds are available before the season even begins. If you think you can pick a sleeper, you can wind up with a low risk/high reward proposition. As I mentioned above, the Lions are currently trading for around $50-$60 per FF. The defending champion Steelers on the other hand are trading right around $300 per FF. So for a Steelers fan it is a high risk proposition that I would think is far less enticing. Either way you are guaranteed to be out $300, and even after all the mitigating factors that you might believe improve your chances (like making the playoffs), there is still only have a 1/6 chance to save you about $1,300, assuming they make the Super Bowl and you pay a total of $700 (face value + FF cost) for your ticket instead of $2,000. Seat choice is only listed by general section (i.e. upper deck, lower deck, endzone). The actual section, seat and row numbers are in no way guaranteed. It is easy to see where The Ticket Reserve makes their money: the non-refundable Fan Forwards that don't pan out and a small brokerage fee on transactions. Either way it is an interesting propostion for anyone interested in attending high-priced sporting events. Thanks for the tip on the Ticket Reserve Lindsay. Like I said last night, it reminded me of another site I had seen that had a different approach to online auctions. I found the name, its called Yabbage:

I had heard about it last fall while I was frantically searching for an Xbox 360. What they offer is the chance to purchase popular, name-brand electronics for a fraction of their actual cost. This is how it works, the site purchases a hot item like an iPod, PSP or Xbox 360 and puts it up for bid. They create a set amount of bids that each auction will allow. You are allowed to bid between $0.01 and whatever they determine the maximum bid to be. The auction winner is the lowest unique bid. So lets say for example that I am bidding on a new 30GB iPod Video. In a normal auction I am going to try to bid somewhere between $250 and $300, between 75%-90% of the retail price. On Yabbage, what they will do is award to the lowest unique bidder, so it is up to me to guess what I think is the lowest price nobody has likely submitted as a bid. So if I guess $0.10 for the iPod and multiple bids come in penny increments from $0.01 to $0.09, I win and I pay $0.10 for my new iPod. Here is how they cover costs: every bid costs $1.99, non-refundable. One of the auctions currently on the site is for a $249 4 GB iPod Nano. The minimum bid is of course $0.01, and the maximum is $18.76. I am not sure how they determine the maximum, except that it is a cap used to prevent the auction price from exceeding the retail price. According to the site, the max bid typically ends up being about 80% of the retail price, but remember you don't have to even take that into account. The maximum only means that if you are really so dumb as to think bids have been made on every penny interval between $0.01 and $18.75 and you bid $18.76, then you are will be $18.76 for a $250 iPod if you win the auction. If you do the math, there are 100 bid slots between $0.01 and $1.01, so if could figure out how many people had already bid (you can't), knew the auction was capped at 200 bids (you can) and assumed everyone is trying for the lowest possible price (who knows), you could logically assume that the auction would end somewhere between $2 and $3. Anyways thats a lot of ifs, which is what makes the idea for the site so interesting. Now this iPod auction is accepting 200 bids, meaning Yabbage will make roughly $400 plus the money from the winning lowest unique bid. Less the $250 for the iPod and shipping (which they pay for) and you have about $140 profit for Yabbage. To make a good situation better, they take a percentage of that profit (10% in this auction) and donate that to charity. Economically it all makes sense and seems to be a viable, legitimate business. They may not be raking it in like Ebay, but I could see this being a lucrative business in the six-figure profit range annually depending on how many daily auctions they choose to run. If it is a sole proprietorship or LLC/LLP small business and can be sustained with limited overhead, even better.

With all of that being said, I do not know anyone who was attempted to place bids on either one of these sites. So at this point it is still sort of buyer beware. But especially with Yabbage, for $1.99 and a few pennies I might be willing to find out.

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If I owned a movie theater

Categories: film, news, youtube, ideas

There is an additional paragraph and trailer after the jump, so be sure to click 'continue' at the bottom.

I have this idea for the way we watch movies in the theaters. When I was in high school, seeing a movie on a Friday or Saturday night was always an option for something to do. Now I practically consider it a waste of time. Time that I could be spending at a bar talking to friends and strangers. The prospect of seeing a movie just doesn't fit with what I would like to be doing with my weekends. I can sit quietly and stare at a screen during the week, and in fact I do, a lot. Either at work or at home. When I go now, I go between Sunday and Thursday in the early evening when I really have nothing going and I am looking for a reason to get out of the house for while, especially during the summer. My point is that when I would go to a movie in high school, I was there because I really wanted to see movie X because it looks like it will be good and it was guaranteed time away from adults. Now when I go to movies, I am typically lukewarm at best on my decision to see a particular movie and I have complete command over my daily non-work agenda. What ends up happening to me is that I sit down and when the previews start I can usually find one or two movies that have trailers convincing enough that if it were an option I would leave my theater and go see that other movie right then. This happened to me most recently while watching Syriana. It was Christmas break, I had some free time and I semi-reluctantly decided to go see it, mostly because I knew it would probably get some kind of Academy Award nomination. Sitting in the theater, I knew if a halfway decent trailer was shown, I would probably want to see that more. As it turned out, they ran a trailer for Freedomland, a movie that looked alright and proved to be mediocre when it eventually underperformed at the box office. The theater had my $8 either way, but because Freedomland was still over a month away, I was stuck with Syriana and a somewhat unsatisfied feeling with my choice. Who knows, I may have had the same result from Freedomland, but at least I would have gone into the theater with confidence. You see for me the hard part is making a decision and driving to the theater. Once I am there and locked into seeing a movie, I can flip-flop like a fish out of water on what I will actually see, and I believe watching a trailer minutes beforehand would only reinforce my decision to see or not to see that movie.

So, if I owned a movie theater here is what I would do: Create a free, small (50-150 seats) theater that show only previews for movies either debuing in the next 10 days or currently showing. This probably sounds a little weird but stick with me. For whatever reason (maybe it is just me) but I am always far more willing to take a chance on a movie in the 10 minutes after seeing the trailer. Video stores have tried to capitalize on this by showing clips from new release movies on in-store televisions, so I know this waffling movie choice mindset must exist elsewhere. My preview theater would work especially well in cinemas attached to shopping malls, where you might catch a few people per day with nothing better to do, that would take a seat, become intrigued by a trailer on the big screen, find out it is a mere 10 minutes until the next showing and then throw down their $8 to see it. I actually proposed this idea about 5 years ago to the granddaughter (or niece, I can't remember) of a major theater chain owner here in West Michigan. She probably never knew how dead serious I was with the suggestion, because I have yet to see one come to exist. Even if it doesn't catch on like I think it would, what would really be the price of trying it? All they would have to do is cut short one run of the 3 to 5 week-old movies to free up a theater. I know they already have the trailers on-hand. Still think this sounds like a questionable idea? Check out this trailer for Brick, a movie starring Joseph Gordon Levitt ("3rd Rock from the Sun", 10 Things I Hate About You) and then try to tell me you aren't interested in seeing it. It is scheduled for release Friday.


Now when I see something like that, that is a little unpredictable and not heavily promoted, but I am stuck sitting in a theater waiting for the cookie-cutter Basic Instinct 2, Slither or 16 Blocks, I will want to change theaters every single time. I am just waiting for someone to make it an option.

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my day in court

Categories: law, opinion, weird, me

I spent yesterday afternoon at the county courthouse, involved in a fraud trial for a former employer. It was a fairly surreal experience. From what was explained to me, this was actually some sort of preliminary hearing to introduce the basis for the charges. In a larger case I believe this would have been the grand jury proceedings. As it was, there was only a judge, a stenographer, a police officer (not sure if he was actually a bailiff, though he did have a gun) the lawyers and some interested onlookers. The stenographer seemed to be listening but not typing, but I really only looked in her direction once. It looks like that stuff is all recorded digitally now, because she had a sizeable flat panel monitor in front of her. It was not the miniature typewriter with the long paper roll you see on TV. I showed up not understanding exactly what was going on except that I didn't believe we were in the jury trial portion of the case and that I would not have to testify. I was half right. So I showed up early and had about a 30 second sit down with the prosecutor just to let me know what he had brought me in to speak about. He then told me that he did not know what the defense would be asking me. I privately freaked out because I watch too much "Law & Order", "The Practice" and every other decent primetime legal drama on TV. I was certain that I was in for some 'cross' and 'recross', objections and 'badgering the witness'. As it turned out it was much more tame than that. I was not Nathan Jessup, I did not order the code red and the defense attorney didnt 'want the truth'. Actually he did want the truth, but it was a fairly friendly dialogue. Back to my thoughts prior to entering the courtroom. The witnesses (me and a few others) were sequestered, which was odd because for almost three hours I sat in a chair wondering what was going on inside the courtoom. Who was winning? I knew the names of some of the other people who were involved, but I had never met them in person so everyone sort of sat there sneaking looks and eavesdropping on each other trying to figure who was whom. One-by-one people got called in to give their testimony, leaving me to wonder what exactly how it was shaping up, who knew what and what exactly I was going to have to confirm or deny. After finishing, witnesses were allowed to stay and watch the remainder of the proceedings. At one point, the defendant came out and went to the bathroom and with the lack of metal detectors at this particular courthouse, I couldn't help but think of the scene from The Godfather where Michael goes to the bathroom and grabs the pistol taped to the back of the toilet. It was just a quick thought and I laughed to myself. Later, while in the lobby waiting to testify I witnessed three couples get married. Not the actual ceremony, but they walked up to the window, threw down their $10 for the marriage license and then went in a conference room with a magistrate and said their "I do's". It was a pretty interesting approach to marriage. $10? You can't beat that. I am sure at some point I will find someone who will brainwash me into agreeing that its a special day and that $15,000 or whatever is a justifiable expense. But from where I stand right now, I am thinking that for $15,000 I could have a $10 wedding, a $7,000 reception and a big chunk of a new car paid off. Seriously how did it ever come to be that one of the single most expensive days in your life (short of majory surgery) is your wedding day. I don't count purchasing houses and cars in that, because those are multi-year loans for a tangible object. While marriage is (or can be) forever, you have other economic options (like the courthouse) that give you a variety of spending options. If you want a house, its pretty much $100,000 like it or not. Anyways the most interesting couple was getting married in their matching "The Tragically Hip" hockey jerseys. Canucks. Sweet.

So after about 2.5 hours of waiting, I was called to the stand, third from the last which I took to mean I was relatively important. The prosecutor proceeded with the questions he had mentioned, we had a nice quick interaction and I even got to point at and describe the defendant, at which point the defense interrupted and asked the judge if every witness was going to have to do this. That was awesome. Then it was time for the defense to question me. It was a pretty straightforward procedure, no attempts to trick me into telling a lie or anything strange. There was an objection from the prosecution as to the relevance of a particular line of questioning, I think it was sustained but I was too busy trying to keep a goofy smile off of my face to really pay attention. All in all it was a really strange but satisfying experience. I can still do without the experience of being on the plaintiff or defendant side of a courtroom. I have no idea how far the case will progress, but if it goes to trial I don't think I will be nervous. However between now and then I will probably have a little extra curiousity when flip past one of the dozens of daily "Law & Order" reruns on TNT.

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The Alabama Leprechaun

Categories: humor, news, youtube, weird

This popped up on Gorilla Mask and Ebaum's World last week, and appears to have been filmed during the days leading up to St. Patrick's Day. Every time I watch it, I can't help but wonder how different the news report would have been if the exact same thing had taken place in here in Michigan. Maybe I have a geographical bias, but somehow I think our heads are on a little straighter up here. Anyways it is too good to ignore until St. Patty's Day 2007, so I am posting it now. 2 minutes, 3 seconds of comic genius, courtesy of the state of Alabama. Then somebody at Gorilla Mask found this hilarious MySpace page where someone far more musically talented than I am created a rap song using some audio excerpts.

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Somebody alert CTU...No wait

Categories: psa, news, stupid, opinion

Maybe it was because I had just finished watching "24", but I was momentarily alarmed when I saw this page up on CNN.com last night around 10 p.m. You can click on the photo to enlarge it and get a better look, but it implies that radioactive dirty bomb materials are in the US, in the possession of miscreants. I think it is because of the word smuggled. Here is the article it links to. When I saw it, I knew I had to do screencap and save it to my desktop because it wouldn't last through the night. What the article actually says is that in a test drill, US Government agents were able to setup a fake company and use it to buy a small amount of material required to make a dirty bomb. They were then also able to transport that material across the US border, presumably not assembled. The point of the exercise was to show the areas of incompetence in the prevention of nuclear terrorism at US borders. This information is going to be presented to a congressional subcommittee this week where these issues hopefully will be resolved.

As of this morning, the link to the article still reads 'Report: Dirty bomb material brought into U.S.', but that one liner is far less alarming than the photo of a red US map bound by radioactive material warnings. I am not one of those people that reads these types of things and believes that we are giving terrorists ideas of what to do next. I am fairly certain that terrorists have their own list of ideas of what they think they can get away with, and aren't developing new plans based on cable news reports. In fact I would suggest it has the opposite effect, alerting the border patrols and making it less likely that terrorists would try a similar approach. What annoys me is when the cable channels put up these deliberately misleading graphics in order to startle you into watching/reading. Obviously it works, since I bit really hard on the headline, but I would prefer something a little more informative and closer to the truth. None of this semantics junk.

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Monday's silver lining

Categories: television, awesome, opinion,

I am starting to love Mondays. The getting up early for work and putting in a full day parts still suck, but Monday night is my go-to TV night by far. At 8 p.m. I watch "Prison Break" which is just a fun show to watch, with a great storyline and awesomely bad over-the-top characters like "T-Bag" the white supremacist and "Tweener", the 19 year-old pickpocket. For some reason I didn't remember his name being T-Bag, though it is not for as vile a reason as I had first suspected. The character's real name is Theodore Bagwell. Another awesomely bad feature of the show is when LJ tries to cry over his dad's impending execution. He makes the funniest face. All of these great points without even mentioning John Abruzzi (played by Peter Stormare) who I have a feeling probably isn't dead. I just hope he comes back and drops it like it's hot on T-Bag, oh snap, so that he can resume his influence over the other inmates, allowing Michael Scofield to resume holding it (the escape plan) down on the engineering tip (thanks for that one VW). At 9 p.m. I watch "24" and repeatedly wonder why the terrorists don't attack somewhere other Los Angeles, within minutes of CTU headquarters. Great show though, firmly entrenched in the #2 spot this year. And then at 10 p.m. I watch a TIVO'd episode of "The Sopranos". It is unfortunate that I don't watch it live Sunday night, because it means I am forced to avoid spoilers throughout the day Monday. But with my schedule of shows and activities I simply can't make it work. Inexcusable to a true "Sopranos" fan I know, but watching Monday night caps off a trio of kick-ass shows and is so satisfying that I fall asleep within minutes of its conclusion. No need for the fap-fap-fap of a normal night. Ha ha just kidding.

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eHarmony: that was short-lived

Categories: tech, opinion, stupid,

I decided to check on my eHarmony profile, just to see if anything had happened while I was gone over the weekend. Of course nothing had, and I was staring at this link that says 'Subscribe Now to communicate with your matches. Choose a RISK-FREE membership plan that suits your needs. Subscribe Now'. So I clicked on it, figuring (hoping actually) that was probably the reason there was no progress. It brought me to a page where I was asked to choose one of the payment options. Here is what I had to choose from:

12 months for $20.95 per month

6 months for $28.95 per month

3 months at $36.95 per month

1 month at $59.65 per month (our most flexible plan)

So that ends that. There are about 1,000 different things I would rather do than pay a website $21 to $60 a month to essentially post a personal ad on the Internet. I could probably put one in the local paper for less than half that and actually yield some results. How much can they really be doing to charge those kinds of fees? Congrats to them for finding people who will and exploiting those that have success. I certainly won't be one of them. Also, for anyone that is married, I saw that you can capitalize on your curiousity for eHarmony by enrolling in eHarmony: Marriage, "a new service designed to help married couples experience, stronger, happier marriages". It sounds expensive.

By the way, the founder, Dr. Neil Clark Warren is one of those 'Focus on the Family' douches, who seem to make it a point to enforce their morals on everyone around them. Kind of like the American Family Association, who constantly boycotts networks, magazines and corporations over their perceived support of things that don't conform to their values. For example, the AFA just recently ripped Wal-Mart for promoting the release of Brokeback Mountain on DVD, and tried to boycott Ford for advertising in a gay lifestyle magazine and during a CBS show featuring a lesbian kiss. Wal-Mart is just a shareholder driven corporation trying to make money. While they can make it seem like they are enforcing family values by not stocking "Parental Advisory" labeled CDs, Wal-Mart is utlimately a slave to the almighty dollar. People are going to see Brokeback Mountain if it interests them and if Wal-Mart thinks they can turn a profit on that interest then so be it. Likewise, gays and lesbians are going to drive cars, and advertising or the lack thereof, is not going to change that. It is not as though Ford is making gay and lesbian friendly design changes to their vehicles, or offering tiered pricing based on sexual preference. I also don't expect Ford to review each and every episode of the shows during which they choose to advertise. I expect that they make that decision based on the overall content, theme and popularity of the show. Just because "Without A Trace" has a lesbian kiss, doesn't put it on the same level as "Nip/Tuck". Anyways, that AFA/700 Club/Focus on the Family thing is another reason to be skeptical of eHarmony.

So the lesson to be learned here is that you shouldn't argue while drinking, and if you do, it is best to wait until you sober up to settle the argument. Chances are there was nothing to prove because nobody was ever going to change their mind anyways.

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that's not an egg beater

Categories: humor, ads, women

This one is for Jeremy, a friend of mine whose Grandma was helping him move out of his house and nearly found the gag-gift penis enlarger we gave to him at his bachelor party. Dude, it could have been worse, although probably only if you were a girl and this happened.

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Dallas Texas DUI follow up

Categories: DUI, news, psa, stupid, law

The local NBC affiliate in Dallas, Texas did a follow up story on the undercover public intoxication busts that have been carried out inside of Dallas-area bars. The program has been operating since August 2005 and has led to more than 2,200 arrests or citations. State politicians are now getting involved with researching the enforcement and limitations granted by the legislation they originally passed, proving that many of them problem don't read everything they vote on. Now that there is a public outcry, lawmakers are probably going to try to limit the scope of where and when law enforcement can issue these public intoxication citations and then use that as a talking point in future campaigns. The best part about the article comes where Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission spokesperson Carolyn discusses the flood of e-mails in her inbox:

"I'm getting all those same e-mails, the Nazi, Taliban, Gestapo e-mails," said commission spokeswoman Carolyn Beck. "I don't really understand the hateful outrage. I don't understand, 'Die in a fire.' "

I can't say I would expect any different if I were in her position.

See Previously: More DUI- that was fast

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my new British pop siren

Categories: women, music, video, awesome

I am fascinated by Natasha Bedingfield. First of all, her name is Natasha and she is British. Its like combining the best parts of eastern and western Europe into one person. The name, the accent and the fact that she can sing have her usurping Dido for the title of my favorite British musician. She still has some work left to do before she can challenge Sienna Miller for the overall UK title. On top of that her brother, Daniel Bedingfield, is a pretty good musician as well.

I think her album has been out in the US since August 2005, but I just recently had the day off from work and happened to catch some music videos early in the morning. Her VH1 live video (use IE, hold CTRL to bypass popup blocker) for the song "Unwritten" is what I happened to see, and it really shows off that she can actually sing. Here is the actual cut/edit/storyline video for the song, which I was initially unimpressed with until the last 60 seconds or so when she is dancing around with the choir and stuff. Unwritten is really a great song, and I am currently obsessed with it:

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update from the STL

Categories: opinion, travel, humor

We tied this morning, 2-2 after blowing a first half 2-0 lead. It was an ugly game, highlighted by 8 yellow cards (6 for us, 2 for them). This afternoon we won 2-1, in a game where we outshot the opposition probably18-3. Their goal came on a penalty kick. I learned something new today at lunch. We went to the Saint Louis Bread Co., which look mysteriously like a Panera Bread. After ordering my go-to meal of half a chicken salad sandwich on sesame semolina bread with a bowl of broccoli cheddar soup, I asked the cashier "what is the deal with the Saint Louis Bread Co.?". not expecting her to know or care. To my surprise she said "oh, is it called Panera where you live?" with a touch of pretentious snobbery. "Well yeah, because thats what it is." I reply. She then informed me that in fact St. Louis was the original home of what I know as Panera Bread, that they were correct to be calling themselves Saint Louis Bread Co. and that I was only familiar with the bastardized version of the once locally owned company. So after lunch I looked it up on Wikipedia and found out she was right. As Saint Louis Bread Co., the concept caught the eye of a major company that bought the rights and started opening chain stores around the nation as Panera ('bread time' in latin) Bread Company. 'Bread Time' Bread Co.? A little redundant don't you think? It is almost as bad as ATM (Automated Teller Machine) machine, a pet peeve of mine, compounded by the fact that I can't even stop myself from saying it. In order to appease their established St. Louis fan base, Au Bon Pain Co. left all twenty stores in the city as Saint Louis Bread Co. Then while I was waiting for my order, the guy behind the counter asked what number I was. I said "104". "Oh cool dude. I got your food right hur." And no, I didn't spell that wrong, he totally went Nelly on me and said 'hur' as his pronunciation of 'here'. I made a mental note, and then set out to try to interact with other locals in an effort to hear their pronunciation of "here/hur, scared/skurred, there/thurr" but had no real success. The hotel employees were likely hired based on the absence of any local flavor or accent. I am pretty sure the hotel bartender was up to something tonight. As I sat at the bar, I watched him in succession charge $4 each for a bottle of Bud Light, a bottle of Sam Adams and a 16 oz. Sam Adams draft. I got the draft, so I had the most beneficial position. Unless St. Louis is slow on the idea of tiered alcohol pricing, I think he has to be pocketing some extra cash on the first two items. That and the fact that he told me my beer was "like $4" seemed curious to say the least.

If you like baseball at all, the new Busch Stadium is immaculate. I think you could throw a baseball in over the top from the highway. It seems to be somewhat under construction still, but the lights are on every night. Opening day is potentially a week from Monday. I had hoped to maybe run into my boys Scott Rolen, Mark Mulder (Mahk Muwdah if you're a clone) and Jim Edmonds this weekend. I might have even challenged Albert Pujols to a fistfight over the $5 he cost me last season by outperforming an injured Vlad Guerrero. But, it appears they are still at spring training. I walked by the entrance, and drove by it once as well.

Central time might be the worst time zone I have ever experienced. A one hour difference does not really do anything for you if you are planning to watch television. It's not like this is the first time I have traveled just west of Michigan, but for some reason (I think its the NCAA tournament) it completely threw me off this time. If you live in the eastern time zone like I do, it just makes you late for everything. On the west coast, there is a tangible difference. You know that when you wake up, people in the east are eating lunch and when its dark out east is probably light in California. On central time it is like a perpetual version of a weeknight where you work an extra hour and it throws your whole schedule off and when you go to watch Jeopardy at 7:30, it is actually 8:30 and you missed it completely. Or those lazy sunday afternoons when you sleep in until 11:30am and by the time you get up, shower and eat lunch it is almost 2pm. You just feel like you are a step behind and the clock seems to be lying to you, only in St. Louis it actually is.

The hotel has Brokeback Mountain on pay-per-view. Though I am really curious to see it, now is neither the time nor the place. It would be devastating to say the least to have to confess that I turned in early to watch gay cowboys eat pudding (clip). I also don't think my dad would be down with that.

Do you know what I packed for this two night trip? 4 pairs of boxers, three pairs of socks, three warmup suits, two sets of casual clothes, 3 longsleeves, 3 undershirts, 3 t-shirts, two fleeces (or is fleece singular and plural?), two pairs of shoes, 4 hats, 5 DVDs and toiletries in addition to the clothes I wore down here on Friday. I am pretty sure there were people who packed less in preparation for Hurricane Katrina. How much did I use? I wore a warmup kit for comfort on the way down. One set of casual clothes last night during dinner, with one fleece. Since we had to get up early this morning, I changed back into the same warmups without showering or anything. It was about 36 degrees, so I wore fleece #2 over my warmup top, didn't change between games and changed my warmup top and fleece for a t-shirt with a longsleeeve underneath for the team pizza thing. I showered before bed (using one pair of boxers and one additional undershirt) and tomorrow I may or may not bust out warmup kit #2. I have roughly 4 times as many clothes as I need. For whatever reason when I pack, I try to prepare for things like falling in swimming pools and mud puddles fully clothed. Tomorrow I have a wake-up call set for 6:20am and our game starts at 7:30am. Follow that with a 7 hour return trip home where we lose an hour crossing time zones and work Monday. Good times. And the good news is I get to do it all again, same city, different opponents, in just over a month. And it is undoubtedly worth it.

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On the road from St. Louis

Categories: humor, opinion, sports, travel

Greetings from the gateway to the west. I am currently checking in from a unsecured WiFi connection available to me from an unknown router near the Radisson in downtown St. Louis. I am here with my dad to coach a youth soccer team in a tournament. The drive down was absolutely stupid. It's about 7 hours one way, and so my dad told me to take the first leg, with the idea being that he would take over just outside of Champaigne and finish us off. Of course I know he hates driving after dusk, and since we left just after 1 p.m. Eastern his half would never come to be. I drove all 7 hours, and to top it off, his car doesn't have cruise control. Gross. Apparently that doesn't bother him. I was actually quite surprised at how quickly my legs and feet adjusted to the amount of pressure required to keep us moving at a steady speed. Want to see me have a borderline anxiety attack? Put me on a high bridge or overpass near Chicago in daylight with bumper-to-bumper traffice and a semi nearby. If I am driving, I feel as though I have some sort of control over the situation and can cope with it. If I am the passenger, and for some reason don't have a distraction to deal with (i.e. music/headphones), prepare to watch me perspire and shorten my breathing. It is not right. Perhaps I need to watch a few less natural disaster or alien invasion summer blockbusters. My dad is a bad navigator. I took the time to print out turn-by-turn Google Maps directions from home to our hotel. Prior to an important juncture I asked him to check the instructions so that we stay headed in the right direction when the interstate splits. He proceeded to look at crappy 2" x 2" map included above the instructions. Is that I-55 or I-57? Dad, please just read the words. They spell it out and include the mileage. I ended up reading the words...while driving just to be safe (which ironically, is very unsafe). Central Illinois is like the state from hell. For reasons beyond my comprehension, there is a 'distance to' update every 8 miles or so. It is just long enough so that I am thinking "okay it was 192 miles to St. Louis last update and we are making good time. I wonder how much closer we are" before the next sign crushes my spirit by annoucing '185 miles to St. Louis'. It is bad on I-55 to St. Louis, but absolutely unbearable on I-57 to Memphis (I learned that last spring). We arrived unscathed, but not before doing six laps around the block of one way streets that fortify the Radisson. I keep forgetting to look at the address, which I needed to know because I forgot to write the name of the hotel on my directions, and there happen to be three hotels within a football toss of our last turn. Our hotel is decent. Our room has two beds. Last season our team manager routinely booked us into suites with one king bed and a stupid pullout couch. I saw many a night on a crappy hotel couch in order to avoid having two grown men sleeping in the same bed. That manager is no longer with the team, although not for that reason. The air conditioning is older than dirt and there is a sticker on it instructing me that the room temperature is controlled from a central system somewhere in the building. Individual room temperature control is not looking like a possibility. I cranked whatever knob gives me the illusion of control all the way to the coldest setting. Though it is likely a placebo effect, I feel as if it might be working. We went to dinner tonight and Charlie Gitto's, a small but awesome italian restaurant. Forgetting we were in an Anheuser-Busch town, I ordered a Miller Light bottle. After the cross look and the subsequent explanation, I changed it to Sam Adams. I don't care much for Bud Light anymore. Who knows why. I ordered the chicken parmigianna (parmesan), but instead of just saying 'chicken parmesan' I threw some New Jersey mob, Tony-Soprano-at-Satriale's into it and said "I'll have the chicken parm". Somebody noticed. It sounded much cooler in my head. I filled up on bread, which had a signifcant impact on the enjoyment of my meal. I just wasn't as hungry when it arrived and felt ashamed that I was only giving probably 60% of the total appreciation I should have been for such a quality meal. We came back to the hotel and I found that though I previously was unable to find a decent, unsecured wireless signal, it has somehow improved and I am able to make this entry. Thanks unknown wireless internet provider. My dad is asleep now. He is snoring, and I am not drunk (to overcome my acknowledgment of the extra noise). There is a good chance I snore as well, but as anyone who has ever slept in the same room with another person knows, it is all about who falls asleep first. It should be a difficult night of sleep. That was one aspect in which crappy pullout couch was a superior setup. The couch was usually in a different room. I have headphones on and I am listening to some music. I have no doubt in my mind that he will shortly wake up and ask me to either turn my music down, stop the clicking of my keystrokes or possibly turn off my computer because the light from the screen bothers him. It's cool though. You can't really give your parents too much crap these types of things. I'll be there in 30 years. Tomorrow morning, 11am local time we go to work. I expect a victory.

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my eHarmony adventure

Categories: opinion, future, tech, stupid

So last night I was out at the bar, doing my normal Thursday night thing and somehow the topic of conversation turned to meeting people through eHarmony. Of course the people that broached the subject and were eager to try it were either married and well on their way to being engaged, and not to anyone they found on the Internet. So what did I do, maintain my position that as a single person it is not something that interests me? No. Why would I do that? That is a rational, logical course of action. Predictably I had to try to argue my point before going home, filling out my eHarmony personality profile and uploading my photo. So yeah, you might be able to find me on eHarmony now, though I have no idea how it works. I don't know anybody who has ever done it, and just because I filled out the profile doesn't necessarily mean I will ever carry this experiment off my keyboard and into the real world.

As for the personality profile, it takes at least 30 minutes and that was with a buzz and some determination to get it over with. They ask roughly 10 questions in 10 different variations, adding up to a 100 question survey where they list different adjectives, personality traits and interests and ask you to rank them on a scale of 1 to 7. I was pretty honest, but I have some issues with one question from the survey:

How far would be willing to travel to meet the love of your life?
Is that what people are doing on eHarmony? I was under the impression this was just a discreet method for finding local 'friends with benefits'. I think I made a terrible mistake. Seriously though, I don't really know how far I would be willing to travel to meet someone. Part of that depends on who that someone is. If we are talking about a lovesick Sienna Miller, on the rebound from her breakup with Jude Law then I will probably swim the Atlantic Ocean. But I can't say I would do the same to meet Brandine who works at the Barnes & Noble in south Alabama. There is no good way to answer this question. It is totally dependent upon about a dozen other factors. For now I left it to intrastate distances. I think that leaves me with enough flexibility to roll over and drop a "I have an early meeting tomorrow morning and its a 3 hour drive home, I had better be going" line with a reasonable expectation that it will work. Again I kid.

This is how I think they get you going on this eHarmony thing. It's a trap. I think you have the choice (or it may be an obligation) to withold your picture until after you and your match have completed four "getting to know you activities". At that point, unless you are a shallow heartless bastard, you are sort of obligated to continue the "relationship". I don't know how other people would handle it, but I would have a problem suddenly cutting things off because it turns out the physical attraction is less than what I was be expecting. That is not necessarily a bad thing, because looks aren't everything but it seems like eHarmony could quickly lead to some awkward situations, especially if phone numbers are exchanged.

There is more, including that it apparently costs money or something. Thats stupid. But I have to leave for St. Louis in an hour and I have many things to take care of before I leave. I am going to type Can't Stands as a reminder about what my next topic of ridicule was going to be.

So thats my story, I will provide updates if anything ever comes of it. In the meantime, enjoy this SNL parody entitled Me-Harmony.

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The Chef ordeal on South Park

Categories: humor, news, television, youtube, weird

This entry is going to have links galore. So if you enjoy reading backstory, you should have a lot to work with here. Otherwise just trust my summary. After the jump there is a link to clips from last night's episode.

Last night was the season premiere of "South Park" on Comedy Central. If you watched last season, you might remember there was an episode of South Park that was particularly harsh on Scientology, Tom Cruise and John Travolta. It also featured R. Kelly singing about Tom Cruise's refusal to 'come out of the closet' (see it here). Well that episode caused some controversy and lead to a very strange series of events, some of which were addressed last night. Rumor has is that Tom Cruise threatened to cancel any promotional appearances for the upcoming movie Mission Impossible: 3, which is being distributed by Paramount Pictures, which like Comedy Central is owned by Viacom, over the re-airing of the "Trapped in the Closet" episode. So Viacom (although they publicly deny it) pulled the scheduled repeat airing of the episode to calm the situation. On top of that Isaac Hayes, South Park's chef and a Scientologist, supposedly quit the show after nine seasons because of its religious intolerance/mockery. Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the creators of the show called him out on that claim, essentially saying that he didn't have a problem when Christians, Jews and Muslims were the target, but once the went after Scientology he couldn't handle it. They touched on the subject and on an interview on Letterman last week. Parker and Stone even issued this statement in response to (what they believe) Cruise's successful boycott threat:

"So, Scientology, you have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for Earth has just begun," the pair wrote..."Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!"

I am not sure the timeline of exactly when this all happened, because there was a fairly lengthy time between the original airing of the "Trapped in the Closet" episode and the announcement of Isaac Hayes departure from the show. By that I mean I can't imagine he just announced two weeks ago that he had quit. There had to by some type of prior knowledge about his decision while they were preparing for season 10. Thats important because after the Letterman segment, Fox News floated this story that Hayes may not have even quit the show. According to people close to Isaac Hayes, he had a mild stroke in January and has been focusing on his personal rehabilitation. They say that although his "beliefs" were were the butt of the joke, he understands that it is the nature of the show and in fact explained to Parker and Stone that they had it all wrong. It was the the church of Scientology that took advantage of Hayes' medical situation to issue a resignation on his behalf. A January 2006 interview he did for The Onion: AV Club seems to support the idea that Hayes' didn't have any problem with South Park. Just this morning the Washington Post ran a story that South Park fans are turning the tables on Viacom and threatening to boycott Tom Cruise and MI:3 over this Scientology v. South Park ordeal.

None of that matters now I suppose, as the season premiere last night dealt with this Chef situation head-on. If you are a fan of the show, you probably already understand what the damage might be if you antagonize the show's creators and then add to that the fact that they have nine seasons of audio from your character that they can edit to reflect their feelings. Here is a link to clips from last night's episode, where Chef returns after leaving South Park to joing the Super Adventure Club. Considering that it only takes them roughly six days to make an episode and that they probably had this one finished at least 10 days go, I am going to trust that Matt Stone and Trey Parker were not shocked by the last minute denial coming from Isaac Hayes and made an informed decision to run the episode. Either that or this is the most cleverly orchestrated publicity campaign I have ever seen, simultaneously promoting South Park, Isaac Hayes and Mission Impossible: 3. Keep in mind, all the video is provided via YouTube so you might want to watch sooner rather than later if possible. Though to this point, Comedy Central has been slow in pulling copyright infringement on the clips that end up there.

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Shocker: the follow up

Categories: sports, humor, weird, television

Remember when I had mentioned Deadspin's claim that a Wichita State cheerleader threw the shocker on camera coming out of a TV timeout? Well you just had to know somebody was going to find a picture of this and throw it up on the Internet. It was just a matter of someone grabbing their digital camera and rewinding the tape. Soon the wonders of TIVO will make it so that nobody ever gets away with anything ever again. It sucks to be that girl. I am curious to know if this will warrant a fine from the FCC.

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Lunch at Taco Bell

Categories: opinion, psa, food

So I am here to answer the question many of you have probably been dying to know the answer to. Is the Taco Bell Chicken Caesar Grilled Stuft Burrito any good? I had it yesterday for lunch, and I will admit I was only moderately hungry, but I was thoroughly unimpressed. First let my qualify my statements by telling you what I do like when I stop at TB. I am a big fan of the standard Grilled Stuft Burrito (w/chicken), the sporradicly available but awesome Cheesy Gordita Crunch, the Crunchwrap supreme, supreme tacos (hard shell) and some variation of normal Gorditas and Chalupas. As far as the Chicken Caesar goes, here are my complaints: the lettuce is hot, or warm at least, as is the caesar sauce. That was my biggest concern prior to ordering. The warmth of both those components only emphasized the floppy, non-crisp nature of the lettuce. Is there a word that it the exact opposite of crisp? Oh well. To offset that, they include these red, dried tortilla chips. Actually they are more like flat tortilla croutons, and they certainly add some crunch to the meal, but it is kind of odd having a crunch that is not related to the shell. The chicken is pretty good, but as you can imagine there could always be a little more. Overall, the whole was not the sum of its parts. It just lacked some type of culinary synergy, like the good-to-go crunchwrap supreme or the cr-smunchi-ness (remember that commercial? I know Rich does) of the cheesy gordita crunch. It is missing the intangible element that somehow doesn't get lost when chicken caesar salad comes in sandwich or wrap form. I am now convinced that warmth is the Chicken Caesar Burrito's downfall. It is like that repulsion between two positively charged magnets that prevents you from making them actually stick together. You get close, but there is something just a bit off, that keeps it from complete unity.

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More DUI news: SCRAM bracelet

Categories: news, law, DUI, psa, tech

I think I may just change the name of this whole thing to dui.blogspot.com. It would seriously be easier to remember and it would reflect a healthy chunk my of my entry topics as well. 'DUI' is now going to have its own del.icio.us blog tag at the top. This is the Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitor (SCRAM) an alcohol measurement device made by Alcohol Monitoring Systems. It works like this. One of the black boxes is a sensor that measures the alcohol content of vapor and sweat emitted through your body's skin, while the second black box is an RF transmitter that prevents tampering, collects, stores and sends data to a remote computer controlled by your local law enforcement. It is the same concept behind the GPS ankle bracelets used for house arrest. More than 200 law enforcement agencies in 20 states across the nation are using this device as a method for monitoring DUI offenders. When I saw this, based on what I read earlier today, I had one hunch about which major city was definitely giving the SCRAM a test run. That's right, Dallas, Texas, which is apparently has solved all other crime and can afford to be on some kind of hell-bent mission to curb alcohol abuse. It is fairly normal for alcohol abstinence to be included as a condition of DUI convictions, but alcohol metabolizes so quickly that random urine testing is essentially a waste of money. I did not know this but 90% of the alcohol a person consumes is metabolized by the liver and the remaining 10% is excreted from the body via sweat, breath, urine or saliva. After drinking, our bodies can secret up to one liter of Insensible Perspiration. The SCRAM measures the ethanol content of that secretion and measure it against the standard for a clean sample. If at any point during the day the bracelet is tampered with, including placing objects between the device and your skin, an alarm is triggered and a sample is taken and transmitted every 30 minutes until law enforcement intervenes. After more than 2.5 million tests, the SCRAM has been so finely tuned that it can detect a single dose of cold medicine that contains alcohol or the use of alcohol containing mouthwash. So far as I can tell this technology has only been put to use with people who have multiple DUI convictions. If things are this strict in Dallas, I will certainly never be traveling to Utah.

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Mall jumping?

Categories: video, stupid, games

Every once in a while I come across videos like this while perusing some of the video clip sites that are out there. It is no wonder people are concerned about restricting their children's access to the Internet. If I had kids I would be far less concerned about them finding naked ladies on the Internet be more focused on preventing them from getting the idea to put one of these stupid tapes together. I think Jackie Chan has had a far greater impact on society than we could have ever imagined. Below you can see exactly what I am so scared of, as one of these roof jumping mongoloids nearly wins a Darwin Award. The first clip has one NSFW word courtesy of the music. It is not at the beginning so turn your volume down now. My attempts to disable the Autoplay feature have been unsuccessful, and it was really annoying me so I moved both clips to the permalink page:

Good Jump