CNN American Morning

Categories: humor, television, news, youtube

This one is sure to get pulled within the next 24 hours, so get it while it's hot. Here are the basics: CNN was doing a story about ATMs on American Morning, as Miles O'Brien is reminding us of days past an off-camera voice says "f---, an ATM", as if he couldn't remember what it was called and O'Brien finally reminded him. It sounds a little too clear to be real, but given all of the microphones and how quiet I assume it probably is on the set of a television news show, I think it could be real.

By the way, YouTube is undergoing some changes this morning, so already it has been pretty hit or miss. If a video link doesn't work just check back later.

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The Adult Swim Ads for SBTB

Categories: humor, televison, ads, awesome

This is probably the last Saved By The Bell entry. Previously I had mentioned the "I'm so excited" slo-mo ad for SBTB on Adult Swim. I knew if they ran long enough, which they have, it would be in someone's interest to rip them onto a hard drive and put them on the Internet. So here they are. I couldn't find a bundle, the remaining three will be in the form of links.

Adult Swim SBTB Ad #1 - Lisa Turtle
Adult Swim SBTB Ad #2 - Mr. Belding braying like an ass
Adult Swim SBTB Ad #4 - Jessie Workout Video

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Gnarls Barkley

Categories: music, awesome, video, youtube, opinion

If you have audio and three minutes of free time, check out this video. It is my new favorite song, "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. Gnarls Barkley is actually a collaboration between Cee-Lo, former member of Atlanta-based rap/hip-hop group Goodie MOb and DJ Danger Mouse. Cee-Lo's most memorable (to this point) single as a solo artist was "Closet Freak", while DJ Danger Mouse is best known for creating "The Grey Album", a pirate-audio mash-up of The Beatles' "White Album" and Jay-Z's "The Black Album". They formed Gnarls Barkley, and the album that resulted is called "St. Elsewhere". The first single off of that album "Crazy", which has been described as "Al Green-at-a-rave", has already hit #1 in the UK and will (in my estimation) probably get featured on "New Music in The 10 Spot" on MTV in the near future. They have already been featured in Rolling Stone as an 'Artist to Watch'for their unique style and sound. Here is the video for that song. You can hear it whenever you want via the Gnarls Barkley MySpace page, but my attempts to add the song to my own profile (and have it actually play) have proved to be futile.

Btw I forgot to include this last night, but Cee-Lo's daughter was featured on an episode of My Super Sweet 16. Her name is Sierra and here is a list of the atrocities she committed in the name of wealth, vanity and television:

Sierra planned to arrive in style, with a helicopter dropping her right in the middle of the party. The helicopter pilots told her it wouldn't be possible.

She hired a group of people to dress all in white, drive around in a limo and hand-deliver each invite, complete with a miniature Louis Vuitton cake and a speech. Sierra instructs them to let everyone know that if they show up without a present or money, they won't be allowed into the party.

Finally the big day arrives and Sierra begins to worry about her reputation again. Kids at school have been talking for weeks about the celebrities that may make an appearance, but Sierra doesn't know if any of them will actually be there.

They are two hours late by the time they make it to the helicopter. Everything seems to be going wrong and she can only hope that things will get better once they arrive. Luckily the helicopter entrance works out, and all of the guests are awe-struck. Now that Sierra has arrived, the party can really begin. In true celebrity style, Sierra changes her outfit five times throughout the course of the party.

Reading it in print, it seems like a somewhat mild episode of the show. I think it aired during the first season which would explain some of the subdued (read: non-celebrity) party plans. But I am not sure.

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More Random Thoughts

Categories: opinion, television, news, me


I finished enough of the website I was working on this week that I can take a few days break . You can see it here if you want to see why I had to drop the blog for a bit.

Yep. That's the pinball machine, so you know what that means. Random thoughts:

Evidently I look like a friendly person to strange young children. Three times today (the only three times I made a stop in public) little kids said "Hi" to me. Coincidentally they were all with their mothers and all three mothers were relatively attractive. It almost made me think about borrowing a small child from a friend (Peter) so that that child could break the ice for me with random chicks in public. Had these women I saw today not been married, I would have totally had my foot in the door. As it was, I just tried to be certain I had a smile on my face and was in the most non-threatening/molesting stance when they turned around to see who their child was talking to.

I wonder how much longer it will be until I stop gawking at female joggers on the sidewalk while I am driving. Some day it will cause me to get in an accident. Typically it is a four step process: "do I know her?", "is she hot?", "is she hot for her age?" followed by the overall assesment of workout attire and the factoring in sweaty-face workout curve.

Thanks to a mathematical error on the part of my parents, I now have a 32 inch TV sitting 2.5 feet from the end of my bed.

Is anyone else as surprised as I am that Will & Grace is just now in its last season? I thought that happened last year with some kind of faux-marriage between Will and Grace. But then I saw the commercial for the last three episodes the other day.

I thought I hated Wilmer Valderrama just for banging Lindsay Lohan when she was hot. Then I saw Yo Mama. Seriously, has anyone ever done so much as a one-trick pony? The only people that come to mind are Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek. Is there another type of cash I should know about? Because Wilmer seems to want to make it clear he is giving away cash-money.

Speaking of MTV, I am not one to normally advocate child abuse but someone has to do something about these My Super Sweet 16 kids. That one kid, L.A. Reid's son, was the biggest punk bitch I have ever seen. I am sure it would be cool to go to that party and fake being his friend but at some point I think I would need to put him in his place.

I have a serious crisis coming in the near future. Rescue Me is set to return to FX on May 30th but 8th & Ocean is the highlight of my Tuesday nights. The stunningly hollow conversations between everyone except Adrian and Sean are comedic gold. At this point I am desperately hoping for someone to take a chance on Late Night with Vinci and Teddy to possibly replace Conan O'Brien when he takes over for Leno. Strange that I have only mentioned the guys on the show, but it seems like the girls can't go three sentences with some type of emotional breakdown.

Here is an interesting thought. While we are all bitching and moaning about how to get gasoline back under $2.50 per gallon, what are the airlines doing? I ask because the entire world is squabbling about hybrid, electric or alternative fuel automobiles. I haven't once seen anyone address hybrid, eletric or alternative aircraft. If the end is near (say within 50 years) for petroleum, how are the airlines going to survive? You can bet your ass I will never hop on an electric plane, and that they are not going to flush a multi-billion dollar industry. I think that is how we should determine when the global petroleum situation becomes a crisis.

Between the new VW Jetta ads and that Allstate ad that has finally subsided, I think I have had just about enough jarring, blindside car accidents to last me a lifetime. I got T-boned by a Ford F-250 that ran a red light at about 45 mph just over two years ago and it still freaks me out. I walked away without a scratch (the car was totaled), but the way my Taurus stood up made me buy another one. I assume that is what they are going for in the VW commercials, but the reminder isn't exactly drumming up positive memories. I can't imagine I am the only one.

What is up with naming that gymnastics movie Stick It? Is it supposed to be a double-entendre? Or am I a disgusting sociopath?

I guess that is all for now. I am either headed to the bar to celebrate multiple birthdays or I am going to watch Charlize Theron get raped in a coal mine in North Country. Quite a fork in the road if I do so say so myself.

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The Look On Her Face

Categories: humor, video, women


If you were listening to Free Beer and Hot Wings this morning during the 9am-10am hour, (I listen via the Internet) you probably heard them talking about this. Apparently the young girl in the video was caught at school and possibly suspended (disciplined at least) for something to do with marijuana. The only word I can really make out is "THC". Then mom or grandma decides to lower the boom on the other lady's face, presumably for lecturing her from high up on that pedestal. The look on her face is awesome. I wish I could have it on a t-shirt.

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Maury Povich On Trial

Categories: news, television, law, humor

In what can only be described as a blow to the foundation of my universe, I read today that Maury Povich has been accused of sexual harrasment. In the $100 million lawsuit, Bianca Nardi alleges that Povich and three staff members made sexually suggestive remarks, made her watch pornographic movies and forced her to wear provacative clothing. Povich of course denies the allegations, but should this one go to trial I will quit my job to watch it on Court TV. I can only dream of the trial carrying out like one of his shows:

[Begin taped video segment]
"My name is Maury, I am 67 and I did not sexually harass Bianca. That [bleep] is crazy. She was always hanging around outside my office trying to do me favors and [bleep]. She was calling my house bothering me and stuff. Last month she got drunk and had sex with my boy Darnell. Judge, Bianca is trippin. I didn't sexually harass nobody".
[End video]

[Judge turns to Bianca]

Judge: "Bianca, how do you feel about what Maury said?"

Bianca: "He just tryin to get out of paying me $100 million. I know it was him. I haven't been around any other guys since I started working with him."

Judge: "Well lets bring him out... Maury come on out here"

[jury and gallery boo, Maury walks out giving the back and forth crossed/uncrossed wrist sign for "no way/stop/cut it out/no more and flipping the middle finger"]

Maury: "Y'all don't even know.. what!!?..Yeah whatever whatever [bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep]"

Judge: "Maury do you have anything to say to Bianca?"

Maury: "Bianca you're a lying-ass [bleep]!"

[more boos]

Judge: "Right here we have an envelope containing the results of your sexual harrasment case...[opens it] Maury you are not guilty of sexual harrasment."

[excited Maury jumping and stomping around the stage] "Yeah!!! What!! Huh? What!! I told you lyin [bleep]"

[plaintiff exits the courtroom to cry backstage. Judge, cameras follow]

I used to have a job that got out everyday at 4pm and was only a quick 8 minute drive from home. So I watched more than my fair share of episodes and it shows. Oh the Maury trial. I can picture it now.

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Using the Internet at work

Categories: law, news, tech, humor

First off, I had a long, long weekend. The youth soccer team I coach had four games this weekend in Rockford, IL which is a little more than four hours from home. Two games a day (8am and 1pm meaning we had to be up at 6:30am), 90 minutes each game and we only had 2 subs. I got tired just watching them run around that much, and couple that with about 9 hours of driving round trip (through crappy Chicago traffice no less) and that I got home just before 9pm Sunday and you can probably understand why I slept in until 9:25 this morning. We also have a game tomorrow in Lansing, a second trip to St. Louis for three more games this coming weekend and a one day trip to Iowa a week from Saturday for one or two games. Right now the thought of all that is just hanging over my head like rain cloud.

On top of that I have to build a website by Wednesday for a charitable agricultural project my dad is coordinating for his hometown in Kenya. So there is a fair chance this will be the last update for a couple of days, unless I come across something simple and self explanatory (like a video) that seems worthwhile. Anyways on to the entry:

A judge in New York has set a small measure of precedence for the way businesses discipline employees for personal use of the Internet while at work. This particular case involved an employee of New York City that was fired for allegedly ignoring an order to stop surfing the Internet while at work. For that, he was fired. After a lawsuit was filed, an administrative law judge then ruled that the punishment did not fit the crime. Specifically he wrote:

"It should be observed that the Internet has become the modern equivalent of a telephone or a daily newspaper, providing a combination of communication and information that most employees use as frequently in their personal lives as for their work."..."For this reason, city agencies permit workers to use a telephone for personal calls, so long as this does not interfere with their overall work performance. Many agencies apply the same standard to the use of the Internet for personal purposes."

The punishment was reduced to a reprimand, in part because files on the computer indicated it had only been used to visit news and travel sites (read: not porn or games). So there you have it, an all-around reasonable decision from our legal system. If this ever becomes an issue at your workplace, show this to your boss, give him/her a Pete Webber crotch chop, yell "suck it" and then continue working. I figure you are already fired and the only way to get your job back is via lawsuit anyways, so tossing in the "crotch chop" isn't going to make things any less awkward when the judge uses this legal precedence to reinstate you.

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Yu Gi Oh GX

Categories: television, weird, youtube, opinion

Wednesday after work I turned on the TV in my room and caught a part of this whole "Yu Gi Oh" craze. I am not even sure if it can be called a craze, I just know that it is yet another popular Japanese cartoon that is dubbed into English and shown in the US. The game itself has something to do with trading cards, spells and all that other role playing crap that I have never understood. From what I can tell it is not all that different from Pokemon except that outside of the television show, Pokemon was played entirely on video game console and handhelds. Yu Gi Oh is played by people (kids only I hope) with trading cards and tons of spare time, kind of like Magic: The Gathering. I am convinced it is all one giant marketing ploy to sell trading cards, and the show is a slick tutorial on how to play. A couple of years back I was in line at Blockbuster behind two 14-16 year old kids who had pooled together something like $50 in order to buy a box (20 packs) of Yu Gi Oh trading cards. The problem they ran into was that Blockbuster had 20 packs but they didn't have a set. So more than likely they were going to end up with duplicates of crappy cards and none of the rare ones. Reluctantly they decided to buy the 20 packs anyways and go not hang out with girls in their parents basement. My point in all this is that the future of the human race is either in really good shape because some young children are learning quick math and complex problem solving, or it is in really bad shape because it will be in the hands of nerds who plan on conflict resolution through fantasy trading cards. Based on this clip, I am going with the latter.

P.S. - After seeing the show Wednesday, I took the time to find the exact episode I saw and trim it down to just this one segment (3 mins, 30 seconds). I wanted to make sure you saw exactly what I did so that we can compare apples to apples.

Apparently I have offended the nerds. Since I posted this video on YouTube, I have gotten 8 comments from people along the lines of "I understand it... all they are doing is talking about the duel". That is the point. When was the last time anyone over the age of 20 watched a cartoon that had to meticulously explain itself? Stupid nerds.

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National Look-A-Like Day

Categories: weird, sports, humor

It is National Look-A-Like Day today, and since I already burned my MyHeritage entry over a month ago, I have to go with these. I like sports, so most of them are athletes and entertainers. In other news, if I disappear on May 1 don't be concerned. Evidently I have scheduled myself for a week-long stay at the bottom of an aquarium.

Oakland A's OF Bobby Kielty and The Incredibles villain Syndrome.
NHL'er Jeremy Roenick and Breakfast Club star Anthony Michael Hall.

NY Mets 1B Carlos Delgado & Darius Rucker from Hootie and the Blowfish.

Peter Gammons and the $20 bill (Andrew Jackson).

he he he

Will Smith and Robert Horry

James Blunt and Steve Nash
Euro pop star Robbie Williams and Euro golfer Jesper Parnevik

I could go on like this all day, it is pretty fun.

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The Dwight Bobblehead

Categories: future, television, humor, awesome

A couple of months ago I signed a petition asking NBC to please make the Dwight K. Schrute bobblehead doll available. Today, courtesy of my junk box, I got a message from the person that started the petition, stating that in fact the doll will be available shortly and that I will have a chance to pre-order. I was hesitant to even look at it at first because the initial link went to www.dwightbobbleheads.com, but after clicking around some I finally found a link to the NBC Universal Store where you would actually buy them. Sweet. Orders begin shipping on or around May 20th $15.00 each.

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More Saved By The Bell

Categories: awesome, television, opinion,

Not to make this blog a Saved by the Bell fan club or anything, but after the last entry I began to think of what I remembered being the top 10 episodes from the show. So I did some work looking at episode guides, trivia and such and came up with one. I had a little trouble deciding whether it would be weirder if I saved the list and posted it weeks from now, or if I should just use the "while we're on the subject" momentum and get it done now. First the trivia, then the list (my comments in red):

In the show's final season NBC doubled the number of episodes ordered, despite the fact that they would have to re-sign the entire cast to new contracts in order to film them. Thiessen and Berkley refused to sign a new contract for these new episodes, resulting in a block of episodes that featured Zack, Slater, Screech, Lisa, and a new character Tori Scott.

The show's original incarnation Good Morning, Miss Bliss was about a teacher and her students at John F. Kennedy Junior High School in Indiana. It is now most often referred to (on DVD and such) as Saved By the Bell: The Junior High Years.

When Good Morning, Miss Bliss was cancelled by The Disney Channel in 1989, it was adopted by NBC and underwent various alterations in production. For one, the title was changed to Saved by the Bell, and all episodes prior to 1989 were retitled Saved by the Bell (the original Good Morning, Miss Bliss titles are now lost). Also, all cast members were replaced, with the exceptions of Lark Voorhies, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Dustin Diamond, and Dennis Haskins. In 1989, the new cast members introduced were Elizabeth Berkley (Jessie), Mario Lopez (A.C.), and Tiffani-Amber Thiessen (Kelly). There were no prominent teachers like Miss Bliss, but there were various teachers shown briefly in certain episodes. The setting for the series also changed; the students now attend Bayside High School in Pacific Palisades, California rather than John F. Kennedy Junior High School in Indiana, but Belding remains the principal.

The Top 10 (in no particular order, since I respect a small measure of personal preference):

Save The Maxx (s02, e03)
Zack and Screech discover that Bayside once had a radio station called KTTY. They convince Belding to put it back on the air. Meanwhile, Max is in trouble of losing his business. Slater is the worst radio personality ever to live. He reads the sports with a mix of bad comedy, including a clown horn. The school paper rips him to shreds and he quits the radio forever. By forever he meant he would come back just in time when everyone falls asleep during the all-night radio-thon fundraiser to save The Maxx. I almost forgot Mr. Belding displays his former radio alter-ego "the Wolf Man"... I think.

Jessie's Song (s02, e08)
Jessie is under pressure with midterms and her own singing group so she turns to caffeine pills, ignoring Slater's warning that the pills are hazardous to her health. Just see yesterday's video clip, enough said.

The Belding Boys (s02, e14)
The gang is in trouble. If they fail a test by an obnoxious teacher, they won't be able to go on a class fieled trip. On the day of the test. the teacher doesn't show, so Belding's brother Rod takes over. Rod Belding is way cooler than Mr. Belding and he plans some kind of white water rafting trip and basically promises the world to the class. He is a sub, so that doesn't make sense, but as a fan of the show you learn to live with it. Mr. (Richard) Belding knows his brother is kind of a flake and is interested more in being a friend than being a responsible adult and teacher. At the last minute, Rod bails on the kids to hang out with his girlfriend (or maybe just a stewardess he met) and they have no chaperone for the great rafting trip. Richard fills in, and the students learn that responsiblity is a lot cooler than breaking promises.

The Last Dance (s03, e01)
Kelly gets a job working at The Max but may have to tell Zack it's over between them when she falls for her boss. This is the first appearance of the bastard Jeff. Kelly starts working at The Maxx like crazy and eventually she tells Zack its over. I am pretty sure this ends with Kelly and Zack having one last slow dance next to a picnic table outside the school dance while Jessie and Slater sing "Endless Love" or some such song on-stage. However this does give birth to the entire Leah Remini, beach resort block of episodes. Third season is confusing because the jump back and forth between Bayside and the beach resort in no particular order.

The Game (s03, e04)
Zack bets Carosi that if he wins a volley ball game, Zack can buy Carosi's car. But Zack's team seems to be short handed when the star player is injured. The gang stumbles across a 6' 7" All-American volleyball player while playing for fun on the beach. Seeing this as an opportunity, Zack makes the bet and then Screech drops a 40 pound block of ice on the ringer's foot, breaking it. They win anyways.

Boss Lady (s03, e09)
Stacey is left in charge when her father is away. Everyone is pitching in to help her, but gold fever hits the beach, someone accidently booked two parties at the same time, and the chefs decide to quit. I can't quite recall how the food situation was solved, but one of the parties was entirely crotchety senior citizens and the other party was a bit younger. The conflict was resolved when either Zack or Slater took the microphone, instructed the band to play and then grabbed a member of each party and asked them to dance. Then everyone realized dancing is great and realized this was the most fun they ever had.

Pipe Dreams (s03, e10)
While putting up the new field goal post, oil is discovered. Soon the entire school is interested in the oil drilling, but Jessie doesn't like the idea. This episode is filled daydreams of Bayside owning the oil well and the profits going to all the students. Screech is envisioned with a monacle and everyone has fancy clothes, jewelry and cars. Jessie and Kelly (I think) strap themselves to papier mache oil wells and chant "Stop the drilling! Stop the oil!" in the hallways. Reality comes crashing down when the test device springs a leak and a white goose gets soaked in black oil. The students then go to a town assembly and bring along a scale model of Bayside High and the surrounding areas. They expertly begin to remove pieces of the athletic fields and landscape and replace them with giant ugly oil wells. The drilling is stopped.

The Bayside Triangle (s04, e05)
The gang helps Lisa put on a fashion show for college. But when Zack and Lisa fall for each other, Screech strikes back. The fashion show is Lisa's de facto application for "fashion college" and so Zack helps out and one night while rehearsing Zack and Lisa have this awkward moment that ends in a kiss, just as Screech was walking in to tell them something. Screech exits quietly and they never know he saw the whole thing. Then, as Master of Ceremonies, Screech sabotages the whole fashion show ripping on Lisa's designs and commenting on one of the outfits Zack was modeling "perfect for stabbing your friend in the back", before walking off stage. A bumbling Mr. Belding takes over the microphone and badly ad libs the remainder of the show.

Screech's Birthday (s04, e19)
Oh, dear! Screech is angry because the gang forgot his birthday. To make it up to him, they promote him to hall monitor. As he is out patrolling the hallways, they put together a fast mercy party to make up for their forgetfulness. But Screech gets back at them and puts them all in detention along with the rest of the school! But they get out in time to throw the fastest birthday party ever- in Mr. Belding's office! It is exactly how it sounds, though it doesn't quite capture Screech in his Terminator style sunglasses handing out detentions. Not even Lisa could get past him.

Save That Tiger (s01, e16)
It's the annual Bayside vs Valley prank war. Meanwhile the girls try to come up with a new cheer in the annual cheerleader competition. Screech gets kidnapped by Valley, who try to use the Tiger costume to steal Bayside's brand new cheer. Screech escapes and tells the gang what happened, but not before the competition has almost started. So they put fire ants in the costume which incites the new mascot into an array of backflips and somersaults that coincidentally serve as part of his routine. Bayside wins. The new cheer? b-b-b-b-Beat! b-b-b-b-Beat Go Bayside!!

Mock me all you want, or, if you have anything to add that would be great as well. Now I can move on with the blog.

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MetroNaps

This is the MetroNaps pod. It is a combination dentist chair/space helmet designed to let you sleep anywhere at any time. MetroNaps is marketing this in two ways. One way is to corportations, universities and businesses in general as a way for students/employees to catch some quick rest away from home. MetroNaps sells or leases the pod to a company, who in turn lets employees that work long hours take power naps on-site. The second way is the MetroNaps store. I imagine it to be somewhat of a cross between the Apple Store, Brookstone and a tanning salon. In Manhattan there are two MetroNaps with stores, and for $14 you can walk in off the street and sit down for a 20 minute nap (Yahoo! AP Video). The pod itself comes with an ergonomic, leather chair with power incline/decline, a super hero style (sans eye-holes of course) face mask and the Bose Quiet Comfort 2 headphones. Set the timer, adjust the lighting and fall asleep peacefully in public. Evidently these have been installed in the Vancouver International Airport, which would be cool if you had a layover, but I think it would ultimately cause a conflict when it came time for someone to ask "have these bags been out of your sight at any point today?". Personally I wouldn't be able to stop thinking that someone was staring at me while I slept (another of my pet peeves).

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Saved By The Bell

Categories: humor, television, opinion, youtube

If you are going to run an ad campaign and you want my attention, this is exactly how to do it. Adult Swim on Cartoon Network started a two week special run of Saved By The Bell at midnight, Monday through Thursday. One of the ways in which they have chosen to promote the time slot is to show the above clip in slow motion (complete with the slow, ogre-yelling audio), specifically the part where Jessie says "I'm so, I'm so...scared". This is one of those clips, for me at least, that has been forever burned into my memory. I don't know how or why. I can't have the seen this episode more than three or four times, yet I remember it clear as day. Jessie, Kelly and Lisa formed a group called 'Hot Sundaes' and their go to song and music video was for the song "I'm So Excited" by The Pointer Sisters. The clip of them dancing at "The Max" during the later seasons' opening credits is from their performance. The whole episode has always made me a little curious about getting addicted to caffeine pills, just to see if I could duplicate the unintentional comedy of Jessie's mental breakdown.

As far as sitcom storylines go, what happened to this "teen pop star" storyline? Is it just that sitcom families today aren't built for this go-to storyline? It seems like most of the shows today feature adults with either really young kids or no kids at all. Friends, Seinfeld, Everybody Loves Raymond, Scrubs, The Office, King of Queens. I would love to be able to find a clip from the Cosby Show epsiode when Vanessa, Janet and Kara form a group called 'The Lipsticks' after making a demo video for the song "Locomotion" by Little Eva. The girls take some singing lessons to try to improve enough to win a record contract. Later they buy new outfits, Vanessa stuffs her bra and they put on a living room performance for Mr. and Mrs. Huxtable that is deemed to sexually suggestive in terms of both movements and costumes. How about the episodes of Home Improvement where Brad was considering skipping college and moving to Europe to play soccer before injuring his knee? This kind of crap is what turned me into the Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture Edition diety that I am today. It was awesomely bad and totally memorable. Maybe TGIF is still alive out there somewhere and I am just not watching the right channels, but it is looking more and more like I will never again get to see the glorious dreams of a sitcom teen crushed by the discontinous nature of episode plots. I get sick thinking of the day when the television category in Trivial Pursuit is going to be relegated to nothing but questions like "who won Survivor: Amazon Jungle?", "name the winner and runner-up of American Idol 4" or "Name any three characters from According to Jim?". Television kind of sucks compared to 10-15 years ago.
Other moments from SBTB:
The Hot Sundaes Workout Video
Slater Dances to Impress Kelly
The 'Zack Attack' Reunion - "Friends Forever"
"Bayside School Song" (+ Tori, sans Kelly & Jessie)
The Zack/Slater Fight Pt. 1
The Zack/Slater Fight Pt. 2 + the apologies

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Lincoln and Kennedy Assasinations

Categories: weird, politics

On GorillaMask yesterday, there was a link to the Top 15 coincidences known to man. It primarily features similarities in well-known global events. The most interesting part of the list is the items related to the Lincoln and Kennedy assasinations. I have heard many of these before, but not usually more than three or four at a time. Seeing them all is pretty startling, and it doesn't even mention that Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln and Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. It is eerily reminiscent of some type of Quantum Leap episode. There are three more sections following 'Assasins' after the jump. Here goes:

Life

• Both presidents had 7 letters in their last name.
• Both were over 6' feet tall. Both men studied law.
• Both seemed to have lazy eye muscles, which would sometimes cause one to deviate.
• Both suffered from genetic diseases. It is suspected that Lincoln had Marfan's disease, and Kennedy suffered from Addison's disease.
• Both served in the military. Lincoln was a scout captain in the Black Hawk War, and Kennedy served as a navy lieutenant in World War II.
• Both were boat captains. Lincoln was a skipper for the Talisman, a Mississippi River boat, and Kennedy was skipper of the PT 109.
• Both had no fear of their mortality and disdained bodyguards.
• Both often stated how easy it would be to shoot the president. Lincoln supposedly said, "If somebody wants to take my life, there is nothing I can do to prevent it." Kennedy supposedly said "If somebody wants to shoot me from a window with a rifle, nobody can stop it." Note that both these quotes are each 16 words long.

Death

• Both presidents were shot in the head, on a Friday.
• Both were seated beside their wives when shot. Neither Mrs. Lincoln nor Mrs. Kennedy was injured.
• Both wives held the bullet-torn heads of their husbands. In each case, the man was injured but not fatally. Major Henry Rathbone was slashed by a knife, and Governor John Connolly was shot.
• Lincoln sat in Box 7 at Ford's Theatre. Kennedy rode in car 7 in the Dallas motorcade.
• Lincoln was shot at Ford's Theatre. Kennedy was shot in a Ford product, a Lincoln limousine. Mrs. Kennedy insisted that her husband's funeral mirror Lincoln's as closely as possible.

The Assassins

• Both assassins used three names: John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald. (It should be noted that Lee Harvey Oswald was known as just Lee Oswald prior to the assassination.) There are 15 letters in each assassin's name.
• Both assassins struck when in their mid-twenties.
• Booth was born in 1838, and Oswald was born in 1939. Each assassin lacked a strong father figure in his life.
• Booth's father died when he was 13 years old, and Oswald's father died before he was born.
  
• Each assassin had two brothers whose careers he coveted. Booth's two brothers were more successful actors and Oswald envied his brothers' military lives.
• Both assassins were privates in the military.
• Booth was a private in the Virginia Militia, and Oswald was a private in the Marine Corps.
• Both assassins were born in the south.
  
• Both assassins were known sympathizers to enemies of the United States. Booth supported the Confederacy and Oswald was a Marxist.
• Both assassins often used aliases. Booth frequently used "J. Wilkes" and Oswald used the name "Alek J. Hidell."
• Booth shot Lincoln at a theatre and was cornered in a warehouse. Oswald shot Kennedy from a warehouse and was cornered in a theatre.
• Each assassin was detained by an officer named Baker. Lt. Luther B. Baker was leader of the cavalry patrol which trapped Booth at Garrett's Barn. Officer Marion L. Baker, a Dallas motorcycle patrolman, briefly detained Oswald on the second floor of the School Book Depository until he learned that he worked there.
• Both assassins were killed with a single shot from a Colt revolver.
• Both assassins were shot in a blaze of light-Booth after the barn was set afire, and Oswald in the form of television cameras.

Family and Friends

• Both presidents were named after their grandfathers.
• Both were born second children.
• Both married while in their thirties. Lincoln married at 33 and Kennedy married at 36.
• Both married dark-haired, twenty-four-year-old women.
• Both wives died around the age of 64. Mary Todd Lincoln died in 1882 at age 63 years and 215 days, and Jackie Kennedy died in 1994 at age 64 years 295 days.
• Both wives were known for their high fashion in clothes.
• Both wives renovated the White House after many years of neglect.
• Each couple had four children, two of whom died before becoming a teen.
• Each couple lost a son while in the White House. Willie Lincoln died at age 12 in 1862, and Kennedy's son Patrick died two days after his birth in 1963.

Politics

• Both presidents were elected to the House of Representatives in '46.
• Both were runners-up for the party's nomination for vice-president in '56.
• Both were elected to the presidency in '60.

Vice-Presidents

• Southern Democrats named Johnson succeeded both Lincoln and Kennedy (Andrew Johnson and Lyndon Baines Johnson.
• Andrew Johnson was born in 1808, and Lyndon Johnson was born in 1908.
• There are six letters in each Johnson's first name.
• Both Johnsons served in the military. Andrew was a brigadier general in the Civil War and Lyndon was a commander in the U.S. Navy during WW2.
• Both Johnsons were former southern senators.
• Both Johnsons had urethral stones, the only presidents to have them.
• Both Johnsons chose not to run for reelection in '68.

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Kid gets an N64 for Christmas

Categories: humor, youtube, games

This is probably a fairly accurate projection of what I was like back in 1988 when I first got the original Nintendo. Honestly I don't remember, except that system we had prior to it (the Commodore 64) seemed a heck of a lot more like a computer than a video game console. As a result I think my reaction may have been a little more muted than this kid. Only he knows why he resorted to scratching the box like a kitten. I feel bad for whomever gave him the remote-control car. Hopefully that also came from his parents. You gotta love any video that slow-mo's people yelling.

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Ketchup packets suck

Categories: food, ideas, opinion

On my way back the office this afternoon I stopped by Burger King to pick up some lunch and the guy asked me if I wanted ketchup. I said no because I wasn't going to have a plate to put it on, I hate opening and squeezing out those damned stupid packets and I especially don't like to dip into ketchup on a napkin. So why is it that we can't just have ketchup in those little plastic boxes like the other dipping sauces?It doesn't make sense. They never give you just one packet of ketchup, and I would argue that if you have the option of grabbing them yourself, you always overestimate the number of packets needed by at least three. One of these sauce boxes has got to be the same as about 3 or 4 packets, which means everyone would probably one need one. Two would work well for the people who spazz on ketchup consumption. The difference in cost has to be negligible, while the convenience factor should be through the roof. I just don't understand it.

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J-Mac: The Movie

Categories: sports, film, news

Remember a few months ago, when autistic teenager Jason McElwain scored 20 points in a high school basketball game? That was an amazing story. There I said it. The rest of this is probably going to book me a first-class ticket to hell. Truthfully, I thought the story was nice. I wasn't all that inspired to do anything as a result and I thought it has been completely overexposed. Maybe even exploited. This is partly because I have been taught only the extreme forms of autism through movies like Mercury Rising and Nell, and because J-Mac wasn't wandering around aimlessly saying "chicka, chicka, chickabay" the overcoming autism seemed a little less heroic in what you are probably calling my ignorant, cold-hearted mind. So there was that, and then I read a point made in an e-mail to the Sports Guy that also dampened the feel good nature of the story. In the game, J-Mac went 7-for-13 to score 20 points. We all saw the first miss, it wasn't within about 4 feet of going in, not to mention the fact that they were already ahead by 20. What the e-mailer wanted to know was what did the other five missed shots look like? If they all missed as badly as the first, then that would significantly detract from the magic of the story. I can't say I totally disagree with that. The bigger problem for me was the exploitation of the story by just about everyone in the nation. The coach has been on just about every national sports talk show you can find. Sports Illustrated, ESPN the Magazine and I am sure many other publications have given the story a few pages. J-Mac himself was honored with the "Perseverance in Sports Award" at Syracuse University's annual Distinguished Lecture night a couple of weeks back, had a photo-op with President Bush, got an authentic Cleveland Cavaliers jersey with his name on the back after an on-court ceremony and his family recently sold the film rights to his story to Columbia Pictures. Not to mention dozens of things I probably never heard about (living as far away as I do).

Yeah I know this post probably makes me sound like a complete asshole, sour grapes or whatever you want to call it. But, even though I didn't cry or get emotional while watching it on TV, I don't have any problems with anyone that did. I am probably just wired a little different than most people, and seeing what I thought at one point was a good story, get crushed under the weight of 300 million people jumping on its bandwagon just sort of turned me off. The same thing happens every time the Olympics comes around. Bob Costas and NBC Sports take what would be a very interesting, heart-warming story and beat it to the ground as they stretch a one hour track meet into four hours of television coverage. My point in all this is that if you were truly touched by the Jason McElwain story and it meant that much to you to see him do what he did, then don't support Columbia Pictures and the sure-to-be bastardized film version they will ultimately release. The story was good enough as is. Nobody needs Haley Joel Osment or whomever they cast as J-Mac to improve the drama and inspiration in what everyone can and has seen on an amateur video. I feel pretty much the same way about the upcoming movie United 93, and hope it tanks at the box office.

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Brokeback Mountain

Categories: film, opinion

I rented Brokeback Mountain this weekend. It was Saturday afternoon and I decided to stop by Blockbuster to see what was in. This particular store only has about 7 copies of the movie, and Saturday was the first time I had actually seen a copy in-stock. So I picked it up, and then tried to decide what else I was renting with my two-at-a-time Movie Pass. Capote was in, but I had to keep in mind the message I was sending to the clerk by renting Brokeback by myself on a Saturday afternoon. I don't know why I care, but I stop at that Blockbuster once or twice a week and it is usually the same one or two clerks working. So I would prefer we have a clear understanding of each other so that if he/she ever decides to recommend a movie or if I ever ask for a recommendation, everything is on the level and I don't get some answer from left field like "you know I think you would like Rumor Has It or The Women". I don't want to have to endure any awkwardenss with my single serving friend. I have had this same "counter-balancing by effeminate movie choice" problem while renting Must Love Dogs (in my defense: as a guy if you saw Unfaithful and aren't interested in all Diane Lane movies just on the offhand chance it make take a turn in that direction, then you're the one that gets the look of confusion, not me) and will probably have it again if I sink to the point of watching enough new releases that I wittle my choices down to In Her Shoes or Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. So Capote was not an option on this trip, and the next movie that crossed my mind was Get Rich or Die Tryin. I was looking for something macho to make it clear that the Brokeback rental was just to keep up with the buzz of popular culture. But Get Rich... wasn't something I actually wanted to watch, so I moved on. Finally I settled on Two For The Money, the football gambling movie with Matthew McConaughey and Al Pacino. Anyhow, last night I got around to watching it and I have to say I was mildly disappointed, but for a very strange reason. I had this thought in my head going into the movie that these cowboys weren't necessarily gay, but somehow fell in love because of some case of severe isolation or hardship. Almost like a prison relationship, where the men aren't really gay but they have extreme circumstances that creates the environment where they succumb to their gay feelings and then once they get used to it they can't stop. Or like with smoking. Initially you might smoke to be cool or just smoke when you drink, bumming cigarettes off of friends or whatever. Then you start buying packs and carrying lighters and even though you don't consider yourself a smoker, you basically are. That was how I had pictured the portrayal the gay cowboy relationship but I didn't feel like that quite happened. Yeah I got a sense that cared for each other, but it seemed an awful lot like they both just liked gay sex. The way this movie was being built up, I thought I would come out of it with a clearer view of how gradually, over a period of time, two men come to emotionally love each other and the physical part is the byproduct of that relationship. That didn't happen with Brokeback Mountain. It seemed to emphasize physical love over the emotional love. I was startled during the first encounter when Ennis even took a second to spit on himself in preparation. It was clear that it may not have been his first time.

As far as the plot of the film, it was pretty well done even if it didn't give me an solid quotable lines aside from "I wish I knew how to quit you". The only other ones that sort of qualified were:

"I know what it means. Jack Twist. Jack Nasty. You didn't go up there to fish."

and

"Bottom line is... we're around each other an'... this thing, it grabs hold of us again... at the wrong place... at the wrong time... and we're dead."

But I don't know anyone named Jack, and I think the second quote is a little too long and too specific to be adapted to anything else. But I will try. The movie is certainly worth seeing, but it is clear to me now Crash winning this year's Best Picture Oscar was definitely not an upset. By the way, the music was phenomenal. I think one of the greatest parts was watching the scene transitions and just waiting for "Wings" to fade up. It really makes me wish that I could carry a miniature digital video recorder with me that filmed everything in slo-mo with the Brokeback music. It would be hilarious.

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DEA agent shoots himself

Categories: humor, video, news


This has been in the news a little lately and last night I finally got around to tracking down the video. Lee Paige, a US Drug Enforcement Agency agent, was teaching a classroom full of children about the dangers of guns. During the presentation, he accidentally shoots himself in the leg and then continues teaching the class. That is amazingly hardcore. He then tries to grab a presumably unloaded assault rifle to demonstrate more gun safety while the classroom understandably freaks out. Anyways Lee Paige is now suing our federal government for allowing this tape to get leaked on to the Internet. I can understand both sides of the issue.

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Love Monkey is back

Categories: television, news, awesome

Love Monkey is back! I noticed it on VH1 this week, and then forgot to blog about it. Last night, while thoroughly dominating my friends in Pop Culture Trivial Pursuit (v. 2.0 w/DVD), we noticed a second time that Love Monkey was on and so this afternoon I decided to get the whole story. VH1 purchased eight episodes of the show. Three episodes that aired on CBS plus five episodes that were filmed but never aired. Purchased isn't exactly the right word, since CBS and VH1 are both owned by Viacom. Salvaged is a little more appropriate, since they may be able to generate some buzz and recoup some of the production costs by finishing what they started. VH1 aired the three episodes that made it to air back-to-back-to-back on April 11, and will begin airing the previously unseen episodes Tuesdays at 9 p.m. starting April 18th. Setting my Tivo now. Awesome.

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Odd News: lost and found

Categories: weird, tech, news

This is just a crazy story I read and decided to share. The Daily Herald (of Washington State) had a story about a local woman who has a FedEx or UPS package stolen off her doorstep. The woman works with a high-end German electronics company that had mailed her a test product that measures the radio frequencies used by cell phones. The package was delivered and stolen before the woman even had a chance to see it, and it only turned up missing when she called the company to track the package. The thief took the package and sold it at a pawn shop for $300. Evidently there were some initial worries about coordinated espionage that resulted in the theft of the universal protocol tester. Why? Because the device was worth $1.7 million. Which brings me to the question of why the German company didn't just require a signature for delivery? They didn't necessarily have to declare the full value of the package, just that someone had to sign for it and that it got inside the residence. I do it every time I order an $800 Dell computer. For $1.7 million I would have required two forms of ID, a retinal scan and a biometric thumbprint match. Luckily, the device was recovered undamaged, and the thief who stole it actually happened to return to the pawnshop to ask for more money at the same time police officers were interviewing the pawnshop owner. Talk about a weird chain of events.

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More Snakes On A Plane

Categories: awesome, humor, film, youtube

A comedian threw together a fake audition tape for Snakes On A Plane, featuring his impressions of Christopher Walken, Jack Nicholson, Joe Pesci and Robert DeNiro. Strangely, Beaker from The Muppet Show and Muppet Babies is also included. Very well done, very NSFW (language).

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Dave Chapelle

Categories: humor, television, opinion, news

For a while now I have been trying to figure out what I think about Dave Chapelle and the things he has done over the past few years. I think he is hilarious, and there is hardly ever a time I am not in the mood for his comedy. But what I have been thinking about is the way he handled his $50 million contract with Comedy Central, his mysterious trip to Africa and the never finished third and fourth seasons of Chapelle's Show. The reason this came up is because CNN has an article up from this month's Esquire magazine about the latest reason Chapelle walked out on all that money. This time it seems to be white people:

"The bottom line was, white people own everything, and where can a black person go and be himself or say something that's familiar to him and not have to explain or apologize?"

Now I am guessing that quote was somewhat out of context in the article, but it really isn't that important to what I am going to say. Regardless of his reasons for not fufilling his contract and the additional seasons of Chapelle's Show, I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt. The bar has been set so high by the first two seasons that he would be in a high risk-low reward proposition by releasing anything similar. Chapelle's Show was probably the two of the best seasons of sketch comedy in the history of television, and though they have been beaten to the ground in reruns, years from now the jokes will still hold up. Not only that but it isn't like he completely gave up on being an entertainer, he just didn't have it in his heart to keep doing the show. He still does his stand-up, like this bit on how AIDS got started (NSFW - language). Here is one of the lesser quoted great sketches from Season 2 (I think) of Chapelle's Show, "When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong":

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Instant Karma is a bitch

Categories: stupid, news, music, law

If you haven't caught some of the headlines in the last few days, there was a rather prominent story about D-12 rapper 'Proof' being killed after hours in a Detroit area nightclub. Originally the articles that discussed the story, such as this one in Entertainment Weekly, lamented another young African-American who couldn't escape the world of violence he grew up in, despite having global success as an entertainer. Well as it turns out 'Proof' was playing pool at this night club, got into an argument with Keith Bender Jr., pistol-whipped him to the floor and then shot him in the face. Then while standing over Bender's nearly dead body, was shot i