The World Cup Is Awesome

Categories: awesome, sports, news, law

Here is yet another reason I wish soccer was as popular here as it is in Europe.

The BBC has an article up explaining some of the crowd control devices they will be using next month during the World Cup. If you are completely unfamiliar with the World Cup I will give you a quick explanation. This time around it is being held in Germany. Every game, every practice, every everything is taking place in Germany, except celebrations/riots. In order to maintain some sort of civilized existence during England's run, the British government has decided to revoke the passports of "known football (soccer) hooligans" from today through the last day of the tournament, July 9th. In more severe cases they have required the known hooligan to be present at his/her local police station (a la probation) during the entirety of each match involving England.

Anyone in violation of their banning order will face a possible £5,000 fine and six months in prison. Those that violate travel bans and cause World Cup-related problems in Germany will be extradited back to the UK under an agreement already in place with German police.

So far 3,286 people have been served with a banning order. Awesome.

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Sweet Bike Trick

Categories: weird, humor, youtube

I don't want to ruin the surprise for you, but I knew there was a reason I haven't ridden a bike since I turned 16.

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Paris Hilton's Music Career

Categories: stupid, music, news, future

At some point within the next 30 days Paris Hilton is set to release the first single off her debut album. The song, called "Stars Are Blind", is going to be a reggae track. The album is reportedly being produced by Kevin Federline (Fire!!) and will feature at least seven original songs in the hip-hop, reggae and pop genres written by Paris as well as a cover of Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?". As if that weren't bad enough, Yahoo! Music News is reporting that the latest setback (to August maybe) for her album release is because Paris wants to record a cover of Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy" on her album.

Talk about an unmitigated disaster. As much as the William Hung fan inside me wants to hear her give it a shot, I can't risk the possibility that it will taint a great song for eternity. Sort of like when Limp Bizkit covered George Michael's "Faith". I can't hear the original with out a screaming, whiny, red hat-wearing banshee coming to mind.

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Ringxiety

Categories: weird, news, science, tech

Ringxiety:

The false belief that you can hear your mobile phone ringing or vibrating.

According to psychologists this is a mental condition that is starting to become prevalent. Subconsciously our brains translate the number of calls we receive into a measure of self-worth/popularity/importance.

I am willing to buy into this. I can't leave my phone on the table, go upstairs and use the bathroom without checking my phone for missed calls when I come back down. I used to think it was just my due diligence as a responsible cell phone carrier to be certain that I returned calls in a timely manner. I anxiously await a study on what it means when you pull out your phone and pretend to be talking on it in order to avoid people and/or eye contact in public places.

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More Local News Highlights

Categories: humor, news, television, youtube

Why is it that my local news sucks? Nothing like this ever happens, which is why I never watch. If the local affiliate could provide an on-air trainwreck like the Traffice Report Rap or Boom Goes the Dynamite just one time, I would probably make it appointment television every night for the next decade. It would become kind of like Olympic figure skating. There is equal interest between watching a successful routine and an unmitigated disaster. This clip is kind of NSFW - language, but totally worth getting fired over. My advice would be to turn your volume down, let it play once and then readjust as you see fit. All the swearing is in the last 3 seconds. I don't know why but Vince Vaugh immediately comes to mind when I watch it. It is some kind of combination of his only character he can actually pull off characters in Anchorman, Old School and Swingers. Here are some others:

Louis - The 'And Uh' Weather Guy (3 mins 9 sec)
Chad the angry Hurrican Katrina weatherman on CNN (15 seconds)
Mark Mathis - The zany weather guy schtick (1 min 1 sec)
Tyrone Davies - totally safe, but I don't want to ruin the surprise. (1 min 3 sec)

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Steve's Mazda 6

Categories: awesome, opinion, me

My friend Steve has a black Mazda 6. 2004 edition I think. He should get black rims. Dan (my roommate) came up with the suggestion after seeing a similar model outfitted with black rims driving around town. We unsuccessfully tried to sell him on the idea over this past weekend, but I think that was in part because we lacked visual evidence. So here are some examples. My personal favorite is the black on black image in the right-middle of the collage. Even Paris Hilton thinks that's hot! And if you know Steve, feel free to let him know that he should pimp his ride.

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The BBC's Expert Testimony

Categories: news, law, television, weird

I saw this story about a week ago, but I was not aware that there was video to go along with it. An unidentified, French speaking taxi driver was waiting on one of his fares, Guy Kewney, in the lobby of the BBC. For security identification, the driver was a given a visitor's badge with Guy Kewney written on it, intended to indicate that he was a member of the party associated with Mr. Kewney. Instead a producer from the show came to the lobby to retrieve Guy Kewney, so the confused, barely English speaking cab driver raised his hand. They brought him upstairs to the studio, sat him on a stool and began a live Q & A about a legal decision recently handed down in a case between Apple/iTunes and The Beatles. Meanwhile the real Guy Kewney was next door in the waiting room, watching the whole incident on television. I love the cab driver's face when he figures out what is about to happen.

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More crazy teacher sex scandals

Categories: women, weird, news, law

These two stories show the complete double standard within the double standard for teacher sex scandals. The highest ranking double standard of course is men vs. women. A man having sex with a teenage girl is immediately labeled a pedophile/predator and gets the book thrown at him, and rightfully so. A woman in that same situation probably loses her job, but there seems to be a overwhelming sentiment of "boys will be boys", that assumes the male student involved was an eager and willing participant. The second double standard is between hot women and ugly women. The woman above is Janet Klatt, 44, former world history teacher at The Cannon School in Raleigh, North Carolina. She was charged with having sex with a 16 year male student in a hotel room during a school field trip in April. Statutory rape is not an issue because the boy is 16, but somehow there is another step between that and 'consenting adults' as far as the law is concerned. Actually I just read that teacher-student sex in general is against the law in that state. She was released on $5,000 bond and is no longer teaching at the school.

You probably want to ready a bottle of eye-bleach. A couple of days ago The Smoking Gun posted a different story about a 44 year-old woman from North Carolina that was busted for having sex with a 13 year-old boy. Linda Ann McBride was charged with two counts of statutory rape and indecent liberties, with a bond of $50,000. Though it may appear that the victim's age was the primary factor in the enormous bond discrepancy between these cases, I have to believe that beauty was also a heavy influence.

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Internet Memes: Bubb Rubb

Categories: news, humor, television, youtube

Wikipedia has developed a page devoted entirely to Internet memes, which are basically obscure pop culture phenomena developed on the Internet. A couple of the more recent examples of these Internet memes would be the Alabama Leprechaun, Boom Goes the Dynamite guy and average homeboy rapper Denny 'Blazin' Hazen. Sometimes the 'fame' translates into offline success, like Hazen's upcoming appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Other times it just simply becomes a punchline for timely message board comments. Every so often, when nothing interesting is happening on the Internet (like today), I will post one so you have a complete "have you ever seen that clip where...?" background.

The clip above is known a Bubb Rubb. In Oakland, California a few muffler shops were installing this whistle-tips that create a loud, high-pitched whistle when cars drive down the street. The local news ran a story about them and how lawmakers were trying to make them illegal, and thats when the world met Bubb Rubb. Them whistles go "whoo-whoo". And keep an eye out for Bubb's car running a stop sign at about 35 MPH just before the end of the clip.

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the Britney Spears kid

Categories: news, video, music, women

I don't wish any ill will on Britney Spears' baby, Sean Preston Federline Spears. However, there are a significant number of hurdles this kid will have to overcome on his journey back to normalcy. Obviously genetics is a big one, but judging by this clip he will probably develop some type of epilepsy from all the flashbulbs and might need to see a doctor about his neck. Ouch. Oh that last quote out of her mouth is "see, this is why I need a gun." Yikes.

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American Idol

Categories: television, music, opinion
I don't watch American Idol, but is there really any mystery about who is going to win on Wednesday? I know he is only 30, but Taylor Hicks looks like he is pushing 50, with a mortgage and three kids. Where does his career go from here? Kelly Clarkston and Clay Aiken have their magazine covers and music videos to promote their music. Ruben has that lovable fat guy thing with a distinct voice that we can all see didn't carry him as far as he probably would have liked. Fantasia Barrino is learning how to read or whatever, so it might be a while before she gets her shit together. Carrie Underwood has country and Christianity to move albums. I just can't figure out what the post-Idol gimmick will be if Taylor Hicks wins. I guess maybe he could go for that Sandy Cohen, Memphis soul/jazz/blues singer thing. But if I remember correctly, Peter Gallagher already tried that idea with moderate (I have no idea) success.

So I am predicting that the fix is in for Katharine McPhee. I don't know what her sound or gimmick will be, but at the very least she can resort to slutting it up for Maxim or FHM and then see how far that gets her.

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The old glue factory

Categories: sports, news, psa

I used to work for an industrial adhesive company and every so often I would get some who asked me if we used dead horses. It is kind of an old joke that old horses or ones that break their leg get sent to the glue factory. We never had anything like that. All of ours stuff was made through the magic of chemistry. I never really understood the origins of horse glue, except that one time I read that their hooves or tendons had some kind of adhesive value. According to Wikipedia:

"An animal glue is an adhesive that is created by prolonged boiling of animal connective tissue. These protein colloid glues are formed through hydrolysis of the collagen from skins, bones, tendons, and other tissues, similar to gelatin. The word "collagen" itself derives from Greek kolla, glue. These proteins form a molecular bond with the glued object. Stereotypically, the animal in question is a horse, and horses that are euthanized are often said to have been sent to the "glue factory." In fact, animal glue is produced from a variety of different animal species besides Equus caballus."

So Saturday I was watching the Preakness and saw Barbaro pull up lame with a broken leg and immediately thought the same thing and wondered why. Well here comes the science:

Basically the weight of a horse is so great in comparison with the size of its legs that it puts an extraordinary amount of stress on their legs. In human the ratio of leg to body weight allows our bones to fracture cleany in one place. In horses, bones tend to explode or shatter into many small pieces which are naturally more difficult to repair. In fact Barbaro's leg broke in three spots and more than 20 pieces. You also need a horse to stay off that leg for an extended period of time, which generally means putting it into an elevated sling so that none of its legs are touching the ground. Casting horse legs is pretty difficult because it is just not in the nature of a horse to stand still or shift weight off of one leg because of injury. Aggravating the injury causes the horse more pain, which is difficult to manage, and difficult surgery also runs the risk of improper blood circulation, infection (such as colic) and the possibility of reinjury. I read a few articles that suggested that Barbaro might have been euthanized on the track, had it not been a live, nationally televised race. Chances are the equine ambulance and the surgery are part of a face-saving PR move by the horse racing industry, since even reports following the successful surgery give Barbaro a 50-50 chance of survival. According to one post-surgery story:

Barbaro was brought back to his stall, where he should have been calmly rested on all four legs. Barbaro had other ideas.

"He decided to jump up and down a few times," Richardson said, smiling. "But he didn't hurt anything. That's the only thing that really matters. It had Michael worried."

If he's lucky, Barbaro will get to spend the rest of his life as a popular stud horse. If he's not then there are some dogs in this country that are going to get a little extra quality in their next can of food. Not exactly the Seabiscuit/Dakota Fanning (Dreamer) happy ending we were all hoping for... yet.

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Do you know anything about Chocolate?

Categories: news, stupid, politics, psa

It should be chock-let if you listen to the way he says it. Ray Nagin was re-elected as mayor of New Orleans this weekend, narrowly beating out Lousiana's Lt. Governor Mitch Landrieu by gettting 52.3% to 47.7%. Nagin was believed to have received roughly 80% of the black vote and just 20% of the white, while Landrieu (who is white) presumably had the exact opposite in both demographics. In the months after Hurrican Katrina, Nagin made several comments blaming state and federal emergency management planning for the problems that resulted from the hurricane's aftermath. He is best known for his "rebuild New Orleans as a chocolate city" comments and the subsequent "do you know anything about chocolate?" explanation where he compares the racial harmony of the city to chocolate milk.

According to the Detroit Free Press article, Nagin convinced voters to place blame on the federal government for the severe inadequacy of the levee systems in New Orleans last fall. If I was a resident of the area, I would have been more concerned with Nagin's new evacuation proposal for future hurricanes rather than blaming people for the last one. Relying on hourly-waged city bus drivers to help evacuate the city, which essentially puts the needs of others ahead of their own families, seems a bit utopian to me.

Nagin's second term as mayor of New Orleans officially begins May 31, one day before the start of the six-month hurricane season.

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The Traffic Report Rap

Categories: me, opinion, news, weird, youtube

Awkward. I have noticed that I have a relatively high tolerance for awkward silence. I am completely comfortable with silence if I have nothing significant to say, rather than force a conversation and end up creating real, tangible awkwardness. But, when it comes to something like this clip, it is unbearable. I simply can't handle this level of awkward. Had this happened locally, I would definitely change my preferred local news channel. My ears and face get tingly just listening to this trainwreck of a traffic report.

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Local News Anchor's Freudian Slip

Categories: news, television, humor, youtube

Yet another reason to be glad my job doesn't involve being on TV in any manner. The anchorwoman in this clip has some sort of mental implosion while describing the additional challenge facing one Mt. Everest climber. You can practically see her co-anchor thinking "WTF?".

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Japanese Game Shows

Categories: humor, games, youtube, weird, japan

I totally changed the clip for this if you happened to check in the last 20 minutes or so. This new show is called Silent Library. Six people sit at a table in what is made to look like a public library. Then draw cards, five of which have a safe symbol on them. The sixth has an X which means that contestant has to endure punishment while they all attempt to remain quiet. It is pretty simple, except I can't believe that they are actually in a public library. The clip is 10 minutes, so if you want to see the funniest one skip to the to when you see a card that reads "Old Man Bites Tenderly".

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The Family Jewels

Categories: sports, weird, humor, youtube

Ladies, if you have ever wondered how bad it hurts when a guy takes a shot to the testicles, this about sums it up. The ad slogan and sound effects are aritificial but aside from that this is a real Muay Thai boxing match.

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Weird Science

Categories: youtube, weird

I had no idea this happens when you add Mentos to Coke (Pepsi, whatever). Without the video I would have assumed this to be a soda + pop rocks urban legend. I may have just saved you from a terrible stomach ache. You're welcome.

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The Office: Michael v. Toby

Categories: humor, television, awesome, youtube

Since we had the season finale of The Office and it will be a while before anything new airs (don't forget about the 10 webisodes featuring the accounting department - Oscar, Angela and Kevin), I thought I would post a clip from one of the sleeper reasons that I love the show. The way that Toby (Paul Lieberstein, also a scriptwriter on the show) deadpans his delivery when he has to shoot down Michael's ideas is hilarious. This clip says it all.

Also, since I seem to have a bizarro midas touch with all things NBC on YouTube, don't be surprised if this link is dead within 24 hours.

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Transformers: The Movie

Categories: tech, film, future, awesome

Sometime in 2007, a real-life + CGI Transformers movie is set to be released. It is being directed by Michael Bay (The Island, Bad Boys 2, etc.) and so far has signed Michael Clarke Duncan (rumored), John Turturro (confirmed), Jon Voight (confirmed) and Shia LeBouf (confirmed). My guess is that one or more of these actors will be simply providing a voice for a Transformer or a Decepticon which should help explain the supporting actor vibe you get from seeing that list. Initially I was skeptical of the movie because (again) it has ties to a TV show that was popular more than 20 years ago. I was about 6 at the height of the show's popularity, so I was concerned that the movie studio would not want to risk my childhood obsession with Transformers translating into a desire to see a PG-13, adult-oriented feature film as a 26 year old. When I first read about it last year, I assumed they would instead go for a Toy Story/Polar Express style animated movie directed at kids. I guess Michael Bay was one clue that this will not be the case. This is the other. Sometimes I forget exactly how amazing special effects can be when used appropriately (compare Jurassic Park vs. The Mummy). I couldn't confirm that this footage is specifically from the movie. I don't really know where it came from, but if this is the direction it is headed, you can have my $8.50 for a ticket today.

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Northwestern Women's Soccer Hazing

Categories: women, sports, awesome, news

News broke yesterday about some hazing ritual carried about the Northwestern Women's soccer team last fall. If you saw the story on TV it was probably without pictures, but in this day and age of the Internet and file sharing you had to know the pictures and/or videos were out there somewhere. First BadJocks posted a little article featuring just 15 of the 45 pictures taken that night. Through some minor diligence I was able to find all 45. If you are at work you should know there is no nudity, the pictures mainly show girls in t-shirts and underwear drinking and doing odd, embarrassing tasks. The "worst" of the pictures shows two girls faux-making out as part of some type of skit that they are shown rehearsing in other pictures. Another one shows amateur lapdances for members of the guy's soccer team by the girls being hazed. The girls in those photos are still just wearing the t-shirt and underwear outfit. All the photos in this link are presented as pages of thumbnails, which should allow you to view them inconspicuosly and then decide if you are willing to take a chance on the enlarged versions. (Due to the large volume of people trying to view the photos, the enlarged versions are not always available.)

As for the news portion of this story, the school has suspended the women's soccer program indefinitely while an investigation is conducted. The women's soccer season however does not start until August, so at this point the suspension is academic, and only serves to present a public image that the school is tough on hazing. Given the close proximity this story has to the Duke Lacrosse story, I would expect the punishments to be swift and severe. That's really not fair since the two situations are definitely not an apples-to-apples comparison, but I would guess Northwestern is looking to make some sort of definitive public statement that keeps their name out of the Duke Lacrosse story for the next 6 months.

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Commercial Space Travel

Categories: travel, weird, stupid, future, tech

Every week, Sports Illustrated has a little box called This Week's Sign the Apocalypse is Upon Us, which gives a short summary of some odd, illogical news item that will make you do a double take. In the spirit of that, I give you this: "States rush to build spaceports — again. Hopes high for private space travel again after boom went bust in 1990s". The three states leading the campaign to waste time and money on this idea are New Mexico, Oklahoma and Texas. Currently they are still in the planning stages, while the FAA reviews the proposed designs for the commercial spaceport facilities. The excitement to invest in the idea of commercial space travel is presumably due in large part to Burt Rutan's SpaceShipOne, an experimental air-launched suborbital spaceplane that uses a hybrid rocket motor. The "spacecraft" was built as part of a design contest called Ansari X, the goal being to construct a non-government, reusable manned spacecraft capable of traveling 100KM (vertically) from the earth's surface. SpaceShipOne was funded primarily by Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen. SpaceShipTwo, the for-profit commercial evolution of Rutan's design will be funded by Sir Roger Branson for his new venture Virgin Galactic. New Mexico was the lucky destination of choice for Virgin Galactic, after a lie study by the state estimated that a commercial spaceport could generated more than 5,800 new jobs and $750 million in revenue by 2020. That is only 14 years away (11 or 12 if the target dates of 2008 or 2009 hold true), and as it stands right now a flight on a craft like SpaceShipOne costs between $100,000 and $250,000 per person. Perhaps I am missing something, but I really don't see space travel being an affordable activity for more than maybe 5,000 people worldwide. Nevertheless, New Mexico has offered to use state, local and federal tax money to help Virgin build the $225 million complex and allow Virgin to maintain a 20 year lease on the naming rights. Our tax dollars hard at work.

The other thing to keep in mind in all this is that the "space travel" offered by Virgin Galactic and any of its competitors will be sub-orbital, meaning that the spacecraft travels a mere 60 miles off the ground and you experience weightlessness for approximately 7 minutes with a total flight time of about 3 hours. Again, that's $200,000 for a three hour flight consisting of 7 minutes of weightless astronaut time and 173 minutes of what I would imagine to be gut-wrenching, mutliple-times-the-force-of-gravity stress on your bones and muscles. This comes with a mandatory complimentary week of training in preparation for the flight. And don't forget, it has now been more than three years since NASA has launched a manned spacecraft due to some uncertanties caused by the Space Shuttle Columbia disaster in February 2003. Sounds like fun. I am going to start saving...now.

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Kiefer Sutherland attacks a tree

Categories: awesome, television, humor, youtube

Television tonight is going to be awesome. We have the Prison Break season finale at 8 p.m., then 24 at 9 p.m. opposite the two hour (9-11pm) season finale of Grey's Anatomy (continued from last night) and the latest episode of The Sopranos from Sunday night that I still need to watch. It's safe to say I may not go to sleep before 1 a.m.. So in honor of all that, here is Kiefer Sutherland on a British talk show promoting some documentary about himself. Evidently Jack Bauer doesn't take shit from Christmas trees either.

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Miami Vice

Categories: film, future, video, opinion

Here is what I don't understand. If you were head of a movie studio and someone pitched you the idea of Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell as undercover cops trying to breakup a drug/gun trafficking ring in Miami, wouldn't that be good enough to get a green-light? The trailer for Miami Vice looks decent enough to peak my interest but considering that it is a film adaptation of an 80's TV show, I know it has really solid chance of totally sucking. It helps that Michael Mann, creator/writer/director of the original show (also c/w/d of Last of the Mohicans, Heat, Ali), is on board but it seems like these remakes always suffer some level of suck because they try to work in staples of the original that reflected popular culture 20-30 years ago (see Dukes of Hazzard, or Wilmer Valderrma in CHiPS). I haven't seen the movie yet, but I am guessing if you take out the speedboats and pastel suits (if there are any) the movie would only get better. The name 'Miami Vice' can't really lend that much credibility to an already formidable cast and concept. Maybe its a chicken-egg thing, where nobody could have gotten Foxx, Farrell and Mann (though he likely was the first to sign, and then picked who he wanted) without the initial draw of Miami Vice. Whatever it is, I know I would have far less apprehension about this movie if it had a different title. Mostly because I wouldn't have to worry about some ridiculous plot development concoted for the sole purpose of working in cameos by Don Jonhson or Philip Michael Thomas or "In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins. The movie comes out July 28th.

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I am cooler than Tom Cruise

Categories: film, television, humor, youtube

But at least he knows how to laugh at himself (I think). Perhaps he is just being glib. The clip above is from the BET show 106 & Park, with cast members of Mission: Impossible 3. For whatever reason, when they start playing some music he tries to start a fake motorcycle or dance. Yeah I got that joke from the VH1 Best Week Ever blog which explains why it sucked. Below is him in an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, where he either has a surprising ability to make fun of his bad dancing or he is like Elaine and doesn't think there is anything wrong with it. Either way it's good for a laugh.

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OJ Simpson back in the news

Categories: news, television, law, weird, stupid

If there was ever any doubt about OJ Simpson's reservations in hell for murdering Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown, I think he just got upgraded to first class. The AP is reporting that OJ is filming a pay-per-view candid camera show called Juiced, which will feature OJ performing hidden camera pranks on unsuspecting people. Among the pranks is OJ's ficticious attempt to sell his white Ford Bronco, made famous by the televised low-speed chase with California law enforcement 12 years ago. OJ says about the car "It was good for me -- it helped me get away". To top it all off, he isn't even getting paid to do the show. Meaning that there will be no proceeds to be paid towards the $33.5 million civil judgement for the victims' families. According to the producer of the show "Basically O.J. Simpson has decided to do this because he wants to do it, and he wanted to have fun with it."

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Rap Videos

Categories: music, women, weird, awesome

Every so often I actually find a music video playing on MTV. More often than not it is some TRL video that has 13 year old girls going apeshit in the studio, but somehow the other day I caught part of the Bubba Sparxxx video for "Ms. New Booty" (NSFW'ish - I thought I heard some unedited profanities). As you can tell by the title, the theme is not terribly complex. I love the song, but it made me wonder exactly what the creative process is in creating a rap video. There are generally four constants to the typical video: Jewelry, ass shaking women, cars/car driving, and implied drug use (greenish smoke) or Cristal. I would equate the whole thing to plates at a buffet. Everyone has the exact same choices but the end results seem different because it is up to the individual to choose how much of any give item he wants on his plate. I don't normally take the feminist viewpoint of things like this, but occasionally something like this will catch me in one of those moods where I can't help but think "this is ridiculous. I don't know any women like that. Do they really think I am buying into this?". And then I wonder "what do those women tell their families?". It sounds like I should be living in Utah, but I seriously wonder what that conversation is like when they tell the other people in their lives "yeah I better go to bed early tonight, I have to be on set tomorrow to shake my junk in the new Bubba Sparxx video". It would be easy enough to dismiss them all as strippers and groupies that rejoice over the opportunity but I bet there have to be a few that have other, more serious career goals. Like J-Lo.

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And Boom Goes The Dynamite

Categories: humor, television, sports, news, youtube

This is a clip from about 2 years ago the Ball State University area (Muncie, Indiana). Evidently the star of the clip later appeared on Late Night with David Letterman to explain the circumstances of this train wreck. He said he was filling in for the normal sports guy who called in sick. It was the first and only time he ever had to be on camera. Every so often I forget how delightfully awkward it is and feel that I need to watch it to remind myself that even if I am having a bad day at work, at least it's not on TV and the Internet.

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More Tom Cruise

Categories: film, news, humor, video

Yet another reason I would hesitate to straight up trade lives with Tom Cruise. Here he is showing up a premiere for Mission: Impossible 3, only he has a problem getting the passenger door open on the $1.3 million Bugatti Veyron. The incident is caught on tape and this is the result. I just wouldn't be able to handle getting mocked everyday all over the world.

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Florida and Fark

Categories: weird, news

It is time everyone recognizes exactly how messed up the state of Florida is. Everyday, Fark links to weird or humorous news and like clockwork, a handful of stories originate from the state of Florida. In fact this happens so often that Fark has its own tag to identify them. It is like a neon sign letting you know the weirdest, most ass-backwards, redneck or stupid story is just seconds away. Here is a list of examples from just this past week. Headlines courtesy of clever Farkers:

Dumb: Post nasty things about cops on Myspace Dumber: Be a cop and get suspended for said comments Fark: Post pics of you and your partner drinking in your police car. Florida: Your parter is a dog

If you're raising sheep within city limits and lost two recently, the Tarpon Springs police would like to talk to you.

Alligator bites old woman, who promptly beats it with a garden hose, screams "Get off my lawn"

Man who drives his car right into a deputy's cruiser happened to be eating a bowl of cereal at the time

Guess the state in which TV stations will run a warning that the ABC bird-flu movie isn't real?

Dean of discipline assigns two girls extra oral homework due on video, jailarity ensues

Tampa Tribune editor calls city desk while drunk and in jail to give them the scoop on her DUI (pics)

Woman pulls sword out of her walking cane in argument over parking space. There can be only one... dumbass

Drunk guy, who crashed truck into a row of parked cars, gets shot in the head as thieves try to steal his speakers.

Volunteer sheriff's deputy fired for leaving his post during the Gasparilla parade and pirate invasion to get some booty, arrrgh

Emergency personnel arrive to save woman's life. Manager refuses to let them into apartment because they aren't on the lease.

Real estate tycoon decides to entertain guests by leaping onto nearby alligator. Hilarity ensues

This could literally go on for days. There isn't even a second place in terms of states that routinely have totally messed up stories as a part of the daily news.

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Florida School Teachers

Categories: women, news, awesome, opinion

I am beginning to think that things are much different today than they were just 10 years ago when I was in high school. This is Erica Chevillar, also known as Erica Lee, member of the USA National Bikini Team and first year social studies teacher at West Boca High School. She is soon to be facing disciplinary action from the West Boca school board for her "moral and ethical" judgement in choosing to work for the USNBT. The USNBT site has been slow all day as this story surfaced, but some people have managed to swipe the images and repost them on more capable web servers. You can probably imagine the sorts of poses she is pictured in since the website generates revenue through public appearances and calendar sales. Nothing too bad, but certainly more than you would expect to see out of your average teacher. Here is one example (awesome, but NSFW, thong).

When I saw this story I thought we had a trifecta off hot Florida high school teachers going with Debra Lafave, Pamela Rogers and Erica Lee. But Pamela Rogers was in Tennessee so no dice. It ruined my point in this entry, until I noticed that Australia seems to be a booming hotspot for female teacher- male student ephebophilic relations. Through Wikipedia I found these incidents "down under" (all the pages are linked. It is like 6 degrees of separation more than it is me wildly searching for weird sex stories):

Cindy Leanne Howell (born about 1970) is a former teacher’s aide from Victoria, Australia, who was convicted in November 2005 of sexual offences against an underage male student at her school.

Heidi Choat (b. circa 1971) is a former Australian primary school teacher who was convicted in August 1999 of maintaining a sexual relationship with one of her students.

Bridget Mary Nolan (born about 1981) is a former Australian teacher who was convicted in December 2005 of having sexual intercourse with an underage student at her school.

Sarah Jayne Vercoe (née Prior) (b. circa 1980) is a former Australian high school science teacher who was convicted in September 2005 of having sexual relations with underage boys and with students in her care.

Karen Louise Ellis (born about 1967) is a former Australian high school teacher who was convicted of having unlawful sexual intercourse with a student at her school.

You could probably find as many cases in the US, but when factor in that Australia has like 2 millions people and everybody knows everybody else, the percentage is pretty high. This also supports a second assertion about Australia that I have: Australian men are gay.

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The Hanso Foundation

Categories: television, ads, awesome, youtube

Last week I had to DVR Lost and wasn't able to watch it until Monday morning when I was out sick from work. When I finally got around to it I noticed something pretty odd in the commercials. There was an ad for "The Hanso Foundation" with a phone number mixed right into the middle of a commercial break. I called the number but decided to just watch the rest of the episode rather than play telephone with a fake 800 number. Then, last night I saw another one. I think it was during the first break after the halfway point, right about 9:40pm. When I mentioned it to my roommates they had no idea what I was talking about, never saw the ad and never put two and two together. I probably could have gone to Lost-Forum.com to figure out what it all meant but I knew there had to be an easier, more visually appealing way to get so I checked YouTube. The clip is the ad followed by the audio recordings associated with each of the five extensions given in the directory of names. I really want to call the number (1-877-Hansorg) and enter 815 (Oceanic Flight 815) when it says "if you know you're party's extension you may enter it now". However doing that would put me into an entirely new stratosphere of pathetic nerdery that I am really not prepared for. This isn't breaking news or anything. I would probably be mocked on the message boards for bringing this up so late after it happened. I just thought I would share what I found for anyone like me, who noticed the ads but didn't really get sufficiently motivated to call.

The show is really making strides as of late. Much of that is probably so they can build to an awesome season finale that will hold me over until September but oh well. They have (for now at least) shed some dead weight by shifting the storyline focus away from stupid things like Claire and her baby, Sun, Jin, Rose and Bernard. The flashbacks have finally begun to tie the characters together again (like Jack's dad hitting Sawyer with his car door in that scene with Ana Lucia). I thought they came up just shy of hitting a home run with last night's episode and instead got a ground rule double. The issue: Libby and Michael. I would have had her rat him out and ended the episode with everyone turning to look at Michael. He needs to be taken care of before they end the season or I will be furious.

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