More Transformers Suckage

Categories: film, future, stupid, opinion

A dream is dead. More information regarding the Transformers movie has surfaced and it is abundantly clear this movie will redefine the word suck. The Sci-Fi Channel revealed these new details:

The plot will be set in motion when 18-year-old Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) discovers his grandfather's pair of century-old glasses, improbably laser-etched with a map and information about the location of a key artifact, the "Energon" cube, which he then tries to sell on eBay.

I know for a fact that the movie is set within about five years of present day. So how exactly does anyone have 100 year old laser-etched glasses? Who had lasers? Because I know that Transformers didn't drop them off 100 years ago (when there were no cars, let alone robot cars) without Sam Wickity's grandpa immediately dying of shock and the glasses being buried in his coffin.

Here is a description from one day of filming:

In the scene, the commandoes see what they believe to be Air Force jets flying overhead, then realize that the coming flying machines are something else—Decepticons in disguise?—and throw smoke grenades to obscure their positions as dozens of civilians run screaming around them. Ironhide, the black truck in the lead of the column of Autobots, appears to collide with a delivery truck carrying Furbys (the talking furry animal toys that are also made by Transformers maker Hasbro). The truck is on a gimbal, which allows it to swing up and stand perpendicular to the street, as if knocked on its end. The idea is that the Furbys will be knocked from the truck, in flames, then activate when the Energon cube flies overhead. "We just wanted to have burning Furbys on the ground, you know?" Bay said with a laugh. "We're going to be blowing up a lot of little Furbys."

Flaming Furbys? Flaming arms Optimus Prime? This movie is definitely going to be all kinds of flaming.

Michael Bay, you and I are mortal enemies.

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A Year Later

Categories: news, television

It seems like so much longer than that. At least from an outsider looking in.

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Lost: Season Three

Categories: television, awesome, youtube

During the off-season, the show has been slowly crawling forward. Well not the actual show, but the storyline that is driving it. Through a website called Hanso Exposed, ABC has been giving fans fragments of some of the instructional videos from the Hanso Foundation, the creators of Dharma Initiative. They call it The Lost Experience. If I understand correctly, there are a total of 52 video fragments that either have been or will be released. I guess the order of them is fairly random, and it is up to participants to piece them together. This video is supposedly one the best ones out there so far. There are gaps in certain spots, but that is the result of unreleased fragments. It answers some questions, but it doesn't really include any major revelations.

Also, in case you hadn't heard ABC is going to change the way Lost is broadcast this season. The normal television season has 35 weeks, while shows have only 22-24 episodes. This usually leads to unpredictable rerun weeks and at least one long hiatus through December/January. The producers of 24 understood how that could kill the momentum of even the best show and decided the show would start 11 weeks late and run consecutive weeks through the end of the season. Lost took a page out of that playbook and will air 7 consecutive weeks during the fall before taking a 13 week hiatus and finishing with 17 consecutive episodes to finish the season. It should turn out to be the same broadcast schedule that Prison Break was on last season.

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How It Should Have Ended

Categories: humor, film, cool, youtube

I am pretty upset that I didn't think of this first. You know when you are watching a movie and you notice the plot has one (or maybe more) fatal flaws? At some point during the movie the characters behave in a noticeably illogical way that allows an otherwise unthinkable situation to seem natural. Maybe you don't pick up on it the first time around, or perhaps it is just something you need to ignore for the movie to work. After all movies are usually about entertainment, not logic. Anyhow someone far more artistically gifted than I am took that idea and has created a series of animated short films called How It Should Have Ended. The shorts are sort of hit or miss, but I suppose that is directly related to how well the original ending was written. For example the HISHE short for Se7en is absolutely worthless, but I think that is because the original ending was perfect. Conversely the endings for Lord Of The Rings, Superman and StarWars (above) all make fairly valid points. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory is pretty decent. Braveheart, The Matrix and Saving Private Ryan kind of suck.

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Glory Of Love

Categories: music, awesome, youtube

A few weeks back, YouTube co-founder Steve Chen discussed his site's goal of making every music video ever created available on YouTube. He said it was their goal to work with record labels to make this happen in the next 12-18 months. So from time to time I will be posting crappy music videos for decent songs. Preferrably from the days before people decided music videos should double as short films. Today it is Peter Cetera's "Glory Of Love" from the Karate Kid soundtrack. I don't know why most of the video shows footage of Karate Kid II, or why Peter Cetera has a psychotic look on his face. I kind of feel bad for him he has nothing to do but stand there and sing. Not even a trivial plot device to move him around.

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My Cubicle

Categories: music, awesome, youtube

This is brilliant. The song more than the video. Lynn I hope you have your speakers today.

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Michael Bay's Transformers

Categories: film, future, opinion, stupid

Little by little information is leaking about Michael Bay's vision for Transformers (July 2007). Sadly each new update slowly crushes my will to see this movie. I can't quite figure out why they are doing what they are doing. The movie is probably going to be rated PG-13, but the target audience will be guys ages 20-40, that grew up wishing they could be a transformer. Transformers are a part their childhood, and if you don't get it right there is going to be some serious backlash. I own both G.I. Joe and Transformers t-shirts and I turn 26 Monday, so I know what I am talking about. Perhaps not to the extent of the guy in this picture, but from what I have seen to this point, Michael Bay is going destroy a fond childhood memory in T-minus 11 months.You can see in these photos that the left side features the original Optimus Prime, when he was a flat-faced semi truck. Totally awesome, he looks like a leader. On the right is 2006 Optimus Prime, a standard cab Peterbilt 18-wheeler. Michael Bay says they had to scrap the flat-nose cab that would make Prime's chest (like it should be) for the Peterbilt model because the Peterbilt at full length is 32 feet tall, compared to only 20-25 feet for the flat-nose. Now it seems to me that unless they are actually building a functional Transformer they will be able to use camera angles and CGI to make the height a non-issue. I have somehow managed to make it through five seasons of 24 without being distracted by Keifer Sutherland's puny 5'6" stature, so I think Michael Bay could find a way to make it work. Then there are the flames. Please Michael Bay if you read this try to remember this isn't Pimp My Ride, it is Transformers. Optimus Prime has no need for flaming arms.
Here we have Megatron, leader of the Decepticons. Clearly you can see which atrcocity is credited to Michael Bay. I would imagine for storyline purposes (Transformers being alien machines that travel to Earth) it is necessary for Megatron to be an alien jet and not a tank or anti-aircraft gun (like he was in the animated series). But I don't understand why the alien jet wouldn't be made out of large, smooth pieces of metal. Michael Bay's Megatron looks like the silverware basket in my dishwasher.

The last thing to look at is the cast. Dane Cook, Bernie Mac, Tyrese, Shia LeBouf, John Turturro and Jon Voight. Obviously the size of their roles is unknown, and there are plenty of other actors listed, but these are the recognizable names and none of them are credited with voice work. They're all great guys and I like some of the work they have done individually (2 Fast 2 Furious is the answer to the Tyrese question. I can't help it, it's entertaining), but how can you fit them all into one coherent script about an alien robot war? It makes no sense. At this point the film looks like a disaster. But there is one thing you can do for my sake. I mean we are friends right?

Sign your name to the online petition against Optimus Prime's flames. I know you are doubting that it will work but as proof that it could, I'll remind you that it was online petitions that prevented Snakes On A Plane from becoming Pacific 121, and convinced NBC to produce and sell Dwight K. Schrute bobbleheads.

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Monchichi

Categories: weird, opinion

I don't think there is an animal, real or ficitonal, that so perfectly matches in name and appearance. Plus they have a great song:

"Mon-chichi, Monchichi, oh so soft and cud-dle-ly, with his thumb in his mouth he's really neat, fun to fiddle with his little feet, yah yah yah..yah yah yah, Mon-chichi Monchichi!"

that is all.

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Pink Taco

Categories: food, news, weird

This has been in the news a little bit recently. Pink Taco is a fledgling Mexican restaurant chain with locations in Las Vegas, Nevada and Scottsdale, Arizona. A third location is set to open in Los Angeles in 2007. The CEO and founder, Harry Morton, is currently dating Lindsay Lohan and has recently made a $30 million bid for the naming rights on the new Arizona Cardinals football stadium (which was turned down). Morton is an heir to the Hard Rock Cafe enterprise, and evidently doesn't mind biding his time managing an expensive, sophmoric joke.

Without the name, the restaurant would probably be known for the extensive variety of tequila the stock. I don't know anything about tequila, but to see them offer silver, gold, reposado and anejo aged tequilas from 9 or 10 different brands is pretty amazing. Who knows, out of the 30-40 tequilas they have, there might even be one I like. A few nights ago The Daily Show did a segment on the Pink Taco controversy. As always, it was pretty funny.

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Finally, A 'Survivor' Worth Watching

Categories: television, news, future

In television news today, CBS has announced that the latest incarnation of Survivor is going to feature four tribes divided by race (White, black, Asian, Hispanic). I think CBS would be wise to avoid choosing the abnormally aggressive, argumentative contestants all the way around. Tension will be high enough with the enormous elephant in the room, so they won't need people manufacturing conflicts. I think they would also be wise to avoid anyone that exhibits any racist tendencies, so as not to promote stereotyping or full blown hate. I would also think the editors would be under a bit more pressure to edit statements in the proper context to avoid any defamation lawsuits from contestants after the show airs.

The interesting part of the show will be in dividing normal, level-headed people by race and see if direct competition and the mistrust/back stabbery of the show creates racial issues or bigotry. I don't quite understand how tribal council will work, since CBS says that all the contestants are still competing for a 1-20 at a million dollars. I guess they will compete for the right to avoid having to go to tribal council like always and once they are in they will vote within the five of them to send someone home. Over time they will be absorbed by the other tribes and will need to form new alliances. I suppose having four mini-tribes would have been a welcome addition in any new Survivor season, but I think for the first time since Elisabeth Filarski (Hasslebeck now) got eliminated from Survivor 2, I might actually tune in.

The season starts Sept. 14.

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K-Fed At The Teen Choice Awards

Categories: music, news, youtube

This is going to end badly. I know a lot of hip-hop acts are worse in live performances than they are in the studio, but this is not a good sign. The fact that he decided to name his "record label" Federation Records, speaks volumes about his creativity. Based on this performance, K-Fed might get cut from my MySpace friends (although this "performance" of PopoZao has earned him quite a cache of goodwill).

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Seizure And Forfeiture Law

Categories: psa, law, stupid, news, opinion

Alright so here is the deal. In May of 2003, Emiliano Gomez Gonzolez flew from his home in Nevada to Chicago in hopes of purchasing a refrigerated commercial freight vehicle in hopes of starting his own business. Gonzolez, his family and friends pooled $124,700 in cash to purchase the truck. The plan was to fly to Chicago, negotiate the price on the truck, pay for it and then drive it back. When he arrived in Chicago the truck had already been sold and Gonzolez was told by his friend that carrying more than $10,000 in cash was not a good idea. So rather than risk flying again, he attempted to rent a car but without a credit card he couldn't do that. So with the assistance of a friend of a friend he rented a car and began to drive home. In Nebraska he was stopped by a state trooper for speeding and was asked a few questions about where he was headed and such. He gave the officer the rental contract which of course had a different name on it, at which point the officer began asking more questions, including the obvious "do you have any drugs or weapons in the car?" to which he said no. The first officer, with the help of a second officer that was partially fluent in spanish, asks about the names of the friends he was meeting, the person that rented the car from them and Gonzolez's previous arrest record. This is where it gets a little murky. Gonzolez claims that when asked about his arrest record he was asked whether or not he "had any crimes" or "was ever a prisoner", to which he said no despite the fact that he had a DWI. Though DWI is a crime, I can see how you might respond "no" to the prisoner question because in all likelihood Gonzolez never served an actual jail sentence. So the police got consent and performed a search of the car, finding a cooler with $124,700 wrapped in tin foil. Gonzolez the cooler to keep the money hidden from plain sight. So the officer radios another cop with a drug dog and the dog detects trace amounts of narcotics on the cash. Gonzolez is arrested and the cash is seized.

An investigation showed that Gonzolez has no prior criminal convictions (aside from the DWI), and in court multiple friends testify to having pooled their cash to help purchase the refrigerated truck. Not only that but the fact that it was a rental car needed to be taken into account.

The case went to trial and the district court found in favor of Gonzolez, with this statement:
"Since the enactment of the Civil Asset Forfeiture Reform Act of 2000, the burden is on the government to establish, by a preponderance of the evidence, that seized property is subject to forfeiture... Forfeiture is warranted under 21 U.S.C. § 881 when the government establishes a “‘substantial connection’ between the property” and a controlled substance offense... We review any predicate factual findings for clear error, but the ultimate conclusion as to whether those facts establish a “substantial connection” between seized currency and a narcotics transaction is a mixed question of law and fact that we review de novo.
The district court’s opinion includes no finding as to the credibility of Gonzolez and the other two claimants. The court did observe that the explanations of the claimants were “plausible and consistent,” but this is different from a finding that the court actually believed the testimony. “Plausible” means “apparently acceptable or trustworthy (sometimes with the implication of mere appearance),” ... and we thus read the district court’s opinion to hold that given a “plausible and consistent” explanation from the claimants on one side of the balance, the government’s countervailing proof was not strong enough to meet its burden of showing a substantial connection by a preponderance of the evidence."

Translation: Gonzolez is innocent of the crimes, but we don't believe what he says despite the lack of evidence. So the question of whether or not the money is clean and should be returned will be decided in a new, separate trial.

The results of that trial? "On de novo review, we respectfully disagree and reach a different conclusion. We believe that the evidence as a whole demonstrates by a preponderance of the evidence that there was a substantial connection between the currency and a drug trafficking offense. Possession of a large sum of cash is “strong evidence” of a connection to drug activity... and Gonzolez was carrying the very large sum of $124,700. The currency was concealed in aluminum foil inside a cooler, and while an innocent traveler might theoretically carry more than $100,000 in cash across country and seek to conceal funds from would-be thieves on the highway, we have adopted the common-sense view that bundling and concealment of large amounts of currency, combined with other suspicious circumstances, supports a connection between money and drug trafficking...While the claimants’ explanation for these circumstances may be “plausible,” we think it is unlikely. We therefore conclude that the government proved by a preponderance of the evidence that the defendant currency was substantially connected to a narcotics offense. Accordingly, we reverse the judgment of the district court and remand for further proceedings."

Translation: We have no evidence that you were doing anything illegal, but parts of your story are similar to the behavior of drug traffickers, so we are taking your money.

The ruling was a split decision, and one of the dissenting judges issued the following opinion(pages 9-10):

"I respectfully dissent. Although the circumstantial evidence offered by the government provides some indication that the money seized in this case may be related to criminal activity, I cannot agree that the government has proven, by a preponderance of the evidence, the requisite substantial connection between the currency and a controlled substance offense...Notwithstanding the fact that claimants seemingly suspicious activities were reasoned away with plausible, and thus presumptively trustworthy, explanations which the government failed to contradict or rebut, I note that no drugs, drug paraphernalia, or drug records were recovered in connection with the seized money. There is no evidence claimants were ever convicted of any drug-related crime, nor is there any indication the manner in which the currency was bundled was indicative of drug use or distribution. At most, the evidence presented suggests the money seized may have been involved in some illegal activity – activity that is incapable of being ascertained on the record before us (“[A] mere suspicion of illegal activity is not enough to establish . . . that the money was connected to drugs.”). ...Here, the only evidence linking the seized money to illegal drug activity is a canine sniff that alerted officers to the presence of narcotics on the currency itself and the exterior of the rear passenger side of the rental car where the currency was discovered. However, as Justice Souter recently recognized, a large percentage of currency presently in circulation contains trace amounts of narcotics. See Illinois v. Caballes, 543 U.S. 405, 410-12 (2005) (Souter, J. dissenting). As a result, this fact is virtually “meaningless and likely quite prejudicial.”... Finally, the mere fact that the canine alerted officers to the presence of drug residue in a rental car, no doubt driven by dozens, perhaps scores, of patrons during the course of a given year, coupled with the fact that the alert came from the same location where the currency was discovered, does little to connect the money to a controlled substance offense. Therefore, I respectfully dissent."

What nobody mentioned (because its a court of law and not a common sense debate) is what a relatively small amount of drugs (relative to a legitimate drug trafficking operation) $124,700 would buy. Probably enough to fit in a couple of duffle bags in the trunk of a car. If Gonzolez were a drug mule, you can be be fairly certain it would have been for far more than $124,700 and he probably would have driven both ways in a borrowed car just to eliminate a paper trail. There was just too much risk involved the way he traveled, and in the end he paid $124,700 to find that out.

From my understanding of the reversal, the lower court's main ruling (that there was no "substantial connection" between the money and illegal activities) has been overturned and is now settled, and Gonzolez needs to somehow prove that he was just an innocent owner of the money. Much harder to do that than to argue that there is no substantial connection between the money and illegal activities. Meanwhile the cash disappears.

Please don't even bother with the "well if you have nothing to worry about it shouldn't matter" argument. Same goes for the "well you have to admit he was acting suspicious" argument. What was just proved here is that "innocent until proven guilty", the basis for our entire legal system, only applies some of the time.

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Snakes On A Sandwich

Categories: film, opinion, awesome

I went to see Snakes On A Plane yesterday and after roughly half a day reveling in its glory, I believe I have found the perfect comparison to translate the experience into more familiar terms. I prefer to think of the movie in terms of sandwiches. A normal movie is like a Subway sandwich. It can have plenty of variety and a host of bells and whistles that attempt to disguise the fact that you are just eating a turkey sandwich. Spicy mustard, fancy mayonnaise, peppers, onions, tomatoes and all those things are great but if they aren't properly balanced, any one of them can ruin an entire sandwich. Then there are times where you see an ad for a new Subway sandwich on TV and you go in and tell them "I'll have the sweet onion chicken teryaki" and you think you're all set until they reply "okay, what do you want on it" at which point I always want to say "just make it look like it did in the commercial". But that never works because Subway has no standard array of condiments and toppings for their sandwiches. So you are stuck trying to incorportate your own preferences with the base ingredients of the sandwich, all the while trying to avoid mismatching sauces and flavors and ruining a $6 meal. It can get complex. Most of the time your choices are close enough that you enjoy your sandwich, but there are always going to be those outlying times when the sandwich is either really good or really bad, which ultimately makes the in-between times that much more forgettable.

Then you have Jimmy John's. They have a simple menu, simple ingredients and nothing more than reading the menu and watching them make your sandwich. Make no mistake it is still a gourmet sandwich. They have the specially baked bread and all the amenities of a $4-$6 sandwich, but when you see #4 Turkey Tom on the menu you know that you are getting bread, turkey, mayo, tomatoes, lettuce and alfalfa sprouts. If you were looking for something more, then you made a mistake when you walked through the door. A typical person would not want to make Jimmy John's their primary sandwich eatery, because most people want to be coddled and feel special and feel like they are having a unique experience despite the fact that at the most basic level they are still just eating a turkey sandwich.

But every so often there are those time where you understand that less can be more, and that is Snakes On A Plane.

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Corey Haim

Categories: television, humor, youtube, awesome

I was looking a Gorilla Mask today and they linked to a list of the five most obviously drug-fueled TV appearances ever. Cracked (the site), is usually pretty good with their lists and very good with choosing interesting topics. My problem with that this list has two egregious errors, one being the inclusion of an America's Funniest Home Videos clip. The other is that the clip I have posted here is neither the #1 Most Obviously Drug-Fueled television appearance ever, nor did it even make the top 5. I don't know what exactly their criteria was, but I am guessing that a live audience was the primary requirement. Otherwise there is no way you could keep this video out of the top spot. It is from the Corey Haim E! True Hollywood Story. Seriously he makes Ozzy Osbourne sound like Maya Angelou.

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Mackinac Bridge Terror Follow Up

Categories: news, law, stupid

There is an update on the alleged terrorist plot on Mackinac Bridge that came light last weekend. The U.S. Attorney's office of Bay City is dropping all terrror related charges against the three Arab men from Texas found with 1,000 cell phones. Instead they are charging the men with conspiracy to commit fraud against Nokia and Tracfone. Let me give you a quick overview of their business plan, so it will be more clear how and why the government is going prosecute:

The Tracfones are sold loaded with prepaid with minutes. In early August there was an especially good deal where you get a Tracfone and what amounts to 360 minutes credit for $20. Tracfone minutes are transferable. Tracfone hopes you will buy the phone, use the initial minutes and then recharge the prepaid minutes at their regular price, a huge profit for Tracfone.

But for an entrepreneur, the actual phone can be dismantled fairly easily. Once the phone is dimantled you will end up with four parts. You have the 360 pre-paid minutes chip worth about $30. A brand new battery ($8). The battery chargers ($3). Finally the actual phone itself, which you would sell to chinese reclaimers (for the silver and other metals in the phone) for roughly $2. So the $20 phone you bought can be dismantled and resold for parts for roughly $43. Our local news reported the profit at $38. So you multiply $18-$23 profit per phone by 1,000 phones and you have $18,000-$23,000 dollars.

There is nothing illegal about this because you own the actual phone hardware can do anything you want with it. Other enterprising people will simply unlock the phones so they can be used on other networks and resell them at a smaller profit, which the government says is a Digital Rights Management (DRM) violation.

Its a part of the Digital Millenium Copyrights Act, which basically says that any process or technology used to circumvent any protection for copyrighted material or software is illegal. Penalties are more severe if the copyrighted material is copied and distributed on the Internet.

The government is going to argue that unlocking these phones is illegal and violates the DMCA. I have read that once your phone contract ends, you can actually call the manufacturer and get the unlocking code from them at no cost. If you look on eBay, under a search for unlocked GSM phone, you will find results more than 3,000 sellers. These people typically just buy older model phones, get the unlocking codes, clean them up and resell them for whatever they can get on eBay.

I don't know if I should be admitting this, but I bought two of these phones in June for my parents trip to Kenya. What happens is you that Verizon and other American cellular providers don't operate in Kenya, so your normal cell phone is worthless. You buy an unlocked GSM (or Tri-band or Quad-band) phone, and when you arrive you go to a wireless store and buy a pre-paid SIM card, which will assign a phone number and minutes to that phone while you are there.

So if unlocking phones is actually illegal, Tracfone, Nokia and the government have a much bigger fight on their hands than three Texans with 1,000 cell phones. But my guess is that these fraud charges are merely a way to save face, and will be quietly dropped in the near future.

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Double Dare

Categories: humor, television, games, youtube

This clip has been around a while, but it still makes me laugh. On multiple choice questions in Double Dare, the writers always threw in a punchline as one of the answers to give the host something to do and to give players one less answer to reckon with. Or in this case an opportunity for eternal shame. I think the two people on the ends are adults. If that's the case they should be taken to a farm to be kicked in the stomach by a horse for either (a) being too stupid to know that cats don't have an indentifiable sense of humor or (b) having a cruel sense of humor and lying to their children on national television.

Listen to his snicker after he gives the joke answer.

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George W's Bloody Sunday

Categories: music, humor, video, politics

Proving that some people have entirely too much time on their hands.

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The Infectious Yawn

Categories: weird, cool

Since we had this exact conversation Saturday night, I had to post this. HotOnlineNews (via Gorilla Mask), posted a group of photos of celebrities yawning and asked readers to see if they can make it to the bottom without yawning. I just tried and it has been kicking my ass for about 10 minutes now. I did not know that the contagious yawning phenomenon applied to photographs. I figured you have to see it live or at least in motion. But somehow my brain has clearly distinguished yawns from open mouth photographs.

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SoaP: This Friday

Categories: film, opinion, news

Snakes On A Plane opens this friday in theaters nationwide. Anyone interested in going? I have been looking forward to this from quite some time. I figure sometime after work. Perhaps not as the main event for the evening, but just get together have a few cocktails and then head out. Something like 6pm or 7 pm. And just so we are clear I understand the movie is not going to win any awards or anything. I want to see it because at one point somebody wrote the script and pitched the idea believing it could actually succeed. Its like the film equivalent of those first couple episodes of American Idol, where you watch to see the parade of delusional young men and women get their dreams crushed on national television. It's a morbid curiousity, but in the end you come away with some measure of reassurance that you are a pretty well adjusted, level-headed headed human with at least a moderate level of taste.

That being said, the SoaP album doesn't look half bad. The music is a little outside of what I listen to, mostly because of my rule that I won't listen to a musical act with more than three parts in their name (unless it features actual names). No exceptions that I can think of yet. Here is the track list for SoaP - The Album:

1. Snakes on a Plane (Bring It) - Cobra Starship

2. Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide Is Press Coverage - Panic! at the Disco

3. Black Mamba [Teddybears Remix] The Academy Is...

4. Ophidiophobia - Cee-Lo Green

5. Can't Take It [el Camino Prom Wagon Mix] - The All-American Rejects

6. Queen of Apology [Patrick Stump Remix] - The Sounds

7. Of All the Gin Joints in All the World [Tommie Sunshine's Brooklyn Fire Mix] - Fall Out Boy

8. New Friend Request [Hi-Tek Remix] - Gym Class Heroes

9. Around the Horn [Louis XIV Remix] - The Bronx

10. Remember to Feel Real [Machine Shop Remix]- Armor for Sleep

11. Wine Red [Tommie Sunshine's Brooklyn Fire Retouch]- The Hush Sound

12. Bruised [Remix] - Jack's Mannequin

13. Wake Up [Acoustic] - Coheed & Cambria

14. Lovely Day - Donavon Frankenreiter

15. Hey Now Now - Michael Franti, Spearhead

16. Snakes on a Plane - The Theme - Trevor Rabin

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A Belgian Talk Show

Categories: television, video, humor, awesome

I don't speak Dutch or French, so I don't know what exactly is being said here. The man in the clip apparently had his testicles removed accidentally during an unrelated surgery. He is on the show to explain this horrible, life-changing event. His voice has been altered by the loss of his testicles, but he can't tell his story because the host keeps laughing. I had doubts about whether or not this testical removal story was true, but the more I watch the clip and pay attention to the deathly silent audience the more I understand this was wildly inappropriate laughter. It's hilarious now though.

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Follow Up: Sequel Theory

Categories: film, future, opinion, news

After reading this article, I think My Sequel Theory is right on schedule, perhaps even a little ahead. Earlier this month I wrote the following:

"The success of the films steadily slopes downward for about 11-13 years following the release of the original franchise. The sequels become increasingly more lame, budgets soar, revenue falls, studios start tugging on the reigns, the sequels subside (with a few exceptions) and we end up with a 4-6 year window of creative, one-off movies."

Already we have indication that this is happening. According to Variety (via Cinescape.com), Warner Brothers is debating whether or not to greenlight a sequel to Superman Returns. Evidently they overran the budget on Superman Returns so badly that the movie is struggling to break even at the box office. I am not sure if this includes the decade long rap sheet of failed starts, stops and rewrites from all stages of the movie, including Nicolas Cage (as Superman) and Tim Burton (directing), to the final pre-production directorial change from Brett Ratner to Bryan Singer. Anyways the final cost for Superman Returns is rumored to be $350 million with a worldwide box office take to-date of $347.6 million, which is why Warner Brothers is gun shy on making a sequel. I'll go out on a limb and say that the DVD sales of the movie this holiday season will ensure that the sequel gets a green-light. The bad news may be that a quality movie doesn't get a deserved sequel, but the good news is I am probably going to be right.

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FBI Rejects Mackinac Bridge Plot

Categories: news, psa, law

FBI: No terror threat to Michigan bridge reads the headline on CNN.com. From the article:

"William Kowalski, assistant special agent in charge of the FBI's Detroit field office, said authorities believe concern about the bridge was connected to images of the Mackinac Bridge found on a digital camera belonging to the men.

Kowalski said there was nothing illegal about buying cell phones in bulk, but that profits from that kind of activity can be suspicious...

The release also said the FBI had no information indicating that the men, Palestinian-Americans living in Texas, had any direct links to any known terrorist groups or to the alleged plot to bomb trans-Atlantic jetliners that was announced in London last week."

I don't suppose local authorities would like to revise their procedures for charging suspects with terror crimes ahead of FBI investigations. Our local news, doing an in-depth investigation, found out that just one of the retailers in our metro area (population just under one million) allow customers to purchase more than 3 of these pre-paid tracfones at one time, and the one that has no restrictions is working on a policy for all of its stores because of this story. Those restrictions practically force "suspicious behavior" and are only in place because Wal-Mart and other big retailers want to discourage resale competitors like these men.

Good to know everyone understands each other and free market capitalism can continue as scheduled.

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Death by Snoo-Snoo

Categories: television, humor, awesome, youtube

This is by far the greatest episode of Futurama I have ever seen. The official title is Amazon Women In The Mood. Since you may be at work or just don't have 21 minutes to sit around and watch, just watch minutes 10-18 for the best parts.

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The Downward Spiral

Categories: news, psa, weird, opinion

In case you missed it, our country is under a massive attack. The terror alert red level is living up to the hype. We were crusing along pretty calmly since I don't even know when before the last 7 days came along. We had the British air plot foiled, the two suspects from Detroit last Tuesday and now three more men caught in Michigan allegedly targeting the Mackinac Bridge. This time it was a WalMart employee suspicious of the men for purchasing 80 prepaid cellular phones. Their names of course are Adham Othman, Louai Othman and Maruan Muhareb and they were charged with providing material support for terrorist acts and terrorism surveillance of a vulnerable target because they had photos of the Mackinac Bridge. Bond was set at $750,000. In fairness the men had over 1,000 phones in their possession at the time of their arrest but they claim to be planning to resell the $20 phones for $38 in Texas (their home state). Simple math tell you their plan was worth $18,000 total which divided between them is worth $6,000 apiece. Not a bad business plan, though I don't know why tracfones purchased in Michigan would be worth so much more in Texas. Perhaps the market is so hot down there the supply just isn't big enough to meet demand. According to the theory of Michigan law enforcement, we have to assume they were going to use the weakest explosives known to man. 1,000 phones used to detonate on the 26,372 foot bridge. Thats one explosive device for every 26 feet of bridge. Just this morning you can do an eBay search for 'prepaid tracfone' and find 255 auctions, many conducted by sellers with hundreds of prepaid cell phone related transactions. So it is not really all that uncommon.

So the lesson here is don't purchase prepaid cell phones if you are an innocent person of Arab heritage. If you ignore my advice and wish to maintain your innocence, rid yourself of any and items that could mistakenly suggest you have a target. But on the other hand it is rapidly approaching the five year anniversary of 9/11 and this could honestly be the beginning of crazy people coming out the woodwork trying to make a name for themselves and their cause.

I suppose these two Michigan related terrorism busts are at the very least "better safe than sorry", but for whatever reason I have become incredibly skeptical of our war on terror and the potential abuse of authority that some of our post-9/11 policies could provide.

I'll try to find something a little lighter to post on later today.

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Vanity Fair on 9/11

Categories: cool, news, politics

Vanity Fair's website has a incredibly detailed and interesting article that relives September 11, 2001 from the transcripts and audio recordings from the control room of the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD). Reading through it this morning gave me a pretty strong reminder of the chaos, confusion and general bewildered reaction from everyone in the United States. Conspiracy theories still continue to circulate and although I have my questions regarding some specific matters (like the Pentagon Strike), the transcripts are a solid reminder that hindsight is 20/20. So if you have the time would like to review the actual events of that day and not some toothless Hollywood propaganda, I would suggest this article, which ironically is written by Michael Bronner, an associate producer on the film United 93.

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Latest "Terror" Developments

Categories: news, opinion, future, politics

This story is pretty shocking. It's from the Detroit News today about two guys from the Detroit area (a 2 hour drive from me) that have recently been arrested on terrorism charges. Osama Sobhi Abulhassan and Ali Houssaiky both grew up, went to school and played sports in the Dearborn, Michigan. If you didn't already know, the metro-Detroit area and surrounding suburbs (southeast Michigan) has the largest Arab population in the world among cities located outside of the Middle East. Now these two guys, both age 20, were arrested in Ohio after "acting suspicious" in the words of a store clerk in the city of Marietta. Officially they were pulled over for merging into the center turn lane without using a signal, but amazingly the officer that pulled them over had a drug sniffing dog with him, ready to search their car. Makes you wonder what exactly was said by the store clerk. In the car they found $10,000 cash a dozen prepaid cellular phones and a flight manifest. Also worth noting is that the two men were driving in Houssaiky's mother's car. She works at Detroi Metropolitan Airport, so I am guessing that a flight manifest is not a terrible unusual thing to be sitting in her car.

It is sort of weird I suppose, but there are any number of ways to make money doing the strangest things. For the record the two men confessed to buying more than 600 of the phone in the last 3 months and were planning to use the $10,000 cash to buy 300 more. Simple math tells you that $10,000 divided by 300 phones is about $33.33 per phone. There plan was to put a $3-$4 markup and resell the phones to southeast Michigan convenience stores and gas stations because, as you can imagine, there is a demand for such a product in an are with such a large immigrant population.

Anyone can tell you that there is an automatic cloud of suspicion anytime anyone is carrying such a large amount of cash. But often times small business works best as a cash operation. It may be difficult to establish credit based on your business model, or the business itself is not entirely worth the effort of establishing credit, checking accounts and formal documentation.
When you are 20 years old it is mostly about how much cash you have in your pocket at the end of the week. I have no idea as to what exactly these guys were up to, but I think you have to investigate and give them the benefit of the doubt. Innocent until proven guilty is what people like to say in this country.

So what were they charged with?

"Marietta Municipal Court Judge Janet Dyar Welch ordered each man held on $200,000 bond for two felony charges. Each is charged with money laundering in support of terrorism and soliciting or providing support for an act of terrorism."

Why?

"These phones have been used in the commission of terrorist acts involving incendiary devices," according to a sworn statement by Washington County Sheriff's Deputy Scott Parks. The statement does not say how the phones have been used in that way."

Not these specific phones mind you, but these types of phones have the capability of doing so. You can bet that if these were the actual phones used in a terrorist plot, the FBI, NSA and CIA would have been all over this. But so far the statements, arrests and everything have been handled by the Marietta County Sheriff.

These guys might be guilty of any number of crimes. Tax evasion? Sure they could be running their business under the radar to avoid the IRS. But I have a serious problem with the terror charges. The arrests happened on Tuesday. So how exactly does a county sheriff and prosecutor legitimately provide enough evidence to get money laundering in support of terrorism and soliciting or providing support for an act of terrorism charges to stick? It sounds like bullshit to me.

Again, I might be wrong about these guys and what they were doing. Technically the police are behaving within the guidelines of the law but this is how twisted things have become as a result of 9/11. Everyone is looking to pre-emptively stop the next terrorist attack and will seemingly go to any length to do so. I am not an expert on the law, but I am fairly certain the interstate money transportation alone would have been enough to manufacture a reason to hold these two guys long enough to investigate and pass the finding up the law enforcement food chain. Why the terror charges need to be included right off the bat is beyond me. As I understand it, you cannot be charged with what the prosecutor thinks you are probably doing, only what they have evidence you have been or intend to do. All I want is one link to a terrorist, terrorist organization or terrorist plot. The whole thing smacks or racism, and I seriously doubt someone of a different ethnicity would be hit with the same charges.

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North Korean Xylophone Genius

Categories: awesome, music, weird, youtube

This one pretty much explains itself. The girl is 3 years old and has an affinity for Polish or Nordic folk music. I think she might be the most advanced child cyborg the earth have ever known, like Haley Joel Osment in A.I.

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A New Air Travel Policy

Categories: travel, opinion, future

So yesterday I posted about the new air travel policy being enforced here and abroad. No liquids or gels of any kind, except maybe baby formula, but only if you drink it in front of an inspector to verify its safety. Ipods, computers, cell phones, cameras and other electronic devices are still allowed according to the Detroit News, but at the rate we're headed it won't be long before they are banned for conceivably being modified to detonate an explosive.

"When knives are outlawed, then only outlaws will have knives"

- baorao

Not exactly an original quote. The noun in that sentence can be substituted with any other noun to make whatever point you are trying to make. It is somewhat of a running joke on Fark. But it illustrates my admittedly progressive and radical solution for our air travel concerns. So here it is:

Everyone boarding a plane gets a knife. Bag of pretzels, refreshment/in-flight meal and a knife. A big-ass knife.

What was the problem on United 93? The terrorists had box cutters and the passengers basically had nothing. Under my system every passenger over the age of 16 gets a big hunting knife. If you have 4 terrorists on a plane and 250 regular passengers with knives who do you think is going to come out on top? Those terrorists would be stabbed to death the second they made their presence known. See someone acting funny and attempting to approach the cockpit? You and your seat buddies can stand