The Two Coreys

Last Sunday was the premiere of the A&E reality show The Two Coreys, starring Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. I watched this part of one of the two episodes. Unfortunately this clip cut out the part where Corey Feldman tried to talk about vegetarianism as the dietary lifestyle of more evolved human beings. So far, so good.

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Keanu Reeves At A Teddy Bear Festival

As you can see in this news report for the CBC circa 1984, its not so much "acting" for Keanu Reeves.

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Alvin & The Chipmunks

I am either (a)never having children or (b)having children and never allowing them to watch television. Children are the only conceivable reason I can imagine for ever seeing this movie, and even then it would only be after a stern lecture about why the movie will suck.

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The Iron Soccer Ball

I really can't stop laughing. I feel bad because its kids, but sometimes this is one of those life lessons that kids need to experience. I bet when they were done they had a new found appreciation and understanding of who they can trust and why they should be a little skeptical when someone older "bets you can or can't do something".

I am not certain if the soccer ball was actually made of iron. I doubt it. I think it was probably a painted medicine ball.

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Bratz

Do you know what Bratz are? Evidently its a line of urban hip pre-teen merchandise thats been around for about 6 years. Jade, Cloe, Sasha and Yasmin are the four girls from what Wikipedia is telling me the Bratz doll line made a serious run at Barbie for the #1 girls doll in several countries around the world. So as you can imagine in the past 6 years the Bratz have evolved and begun playing sports and having adventures and eventually someone optioned the whole thing for a movie.

So Friday August 3, the live-action Bratz movie hits theaters. Here is the plot of the movie:

Sasha, Jade, Cloe and Yasmin are four trendy friends from different racial backgrounds. Upon attending Carry Nation High School, the student body president and daughter of the principal, Meredith, drives the girls into different competing cliques. Eventually, their "bratty" ways land them in detention together where they reunite.

I feel terrible for every dad on the planet right now. The good news is that the Bratz movie featured (for a period of time) Paula Abdul as an executive producer and choreographer (for dance scenes or something presumably, I don't really know or care). At the same time Bravo, in all of their outstanding wisdom, was following Paula around with a camera crew for some sort of reality show. That allowed us to witness a mildly spectacular trainwreck when Paula Abdul was fired from the Bratz movie via e-mail.

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Mad Men On AMC

I don't know if you watch as much AMC as I do, but over the past year or so they have made a concerted effort to rid themselves of the "black & white/movies your grandparents would love/John Wayne marathon" reputation they seemed to once have. They left all of that to Turner Classic Movies. Now every Sunday night and most weeknights after 7pm AMC runs a well known movie from the 80s or 90s (and in some cases the early part of this century). Once a month they do DVD_TV, where they pretty much run a movie in widescreen and use the bottom portion of the picture to display trivia, goofs and printed director commentary about the movie being shown.

This past week they debuted an original series called Mad Men, created by Sopranos writer and executive produce Matthew Weiner. The premise of the show follows the daily business of a high level executive for an ad agency in New York circa 1960. The first episode was vaguely reminiscent of Thank You For Smoking, with that sort of slick salesman routine but one of the really interesting part of the show was much attention to detail was placed in recreating the 1960s. For example most of the women on the show are of the Marilyn Monroe body type, and they remark about the slim legs and ankles of the newest secretary who by todays standards we be fairly average. Every character smokes, even in elevators and doctors offices since during that time period the health issues of smoking were not quite a widespread social concern. Racism and sexism are fairly overt, and adultery is a seemingly accepted practice. I'd imagine that last part is a result of the sexism and women's status in the work place at the time.

Now I understand that a lot of what I just described probably sounds like That 60's Show, but there is a lot more to the story than that. As far as the cast goes it is primarily a collection of "that guy" and "that girl" from other shows.

The clip above is from the pilot episode. The show airs regularly on Thursdays at 10pm, so I'll be recording it on the DVR. The episodes will be available through iTunes as the season goes on, and is available On-Demand from Comcast, Time Warner Cable, Cox Communications, Insight Communications, Charter Communications, Mediacom Communications and Cablevision.

Also, boobie tassels!

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Transformers

About week ago I finally decided to forgive Michael Bay for Optimus Prime's flames and a few of the other confirmed pre-release details from his vision Transformers and finally just see it for myself. I was pleasantly surprised at how the movie turned out. The movie didn't bastardize too many of my childhood memories, and within the context of the movie quite a few of the alterations made sense (though not the flaming arms).

There were a few scenes where some dialogue was forced, but its not as though there are whole lot of choices when you're trying to get a character to say "more than meets the eye", and there were some other real minor things that could have been toned down to improve the movie. But on the other hand I readily admit that I am one of perhaps just a handful of people that would have appreciated a completely serious movie about 30 foot alien robots that transform into automobiles.

So overall, I give the move a solid 8.5 out of 10. I'll be picking it up on DVD and possibly seeing it a second time in the theaters if I come across someone that is interested.

The clip above is final 1:22 of the movie, but spoils nothing from the rest of the movie. Plus you get some nice voicework from Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime. I'd say this scene and the scene in which OP says "Autobots... roll out" were my two favorite ones in the whole movie. As cool as that is, Peter Cullen must get annoyed with it at times though (For the record I only found this on YouTube, I wasn't there or anything):

Why yes, I am a huge nerd. Why do you ask?

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??

Okay its one thing to have trouble sleeping on Sunday night. You have a full work week coming up, you can't stop thinking ahead towards what you need to get finished Monday morning or where you left off Friday evening. Your brain just won't shut down and let you rest. However its quite another thing when your brain won't let you sleep because of Madonna's "La Isla Bonita". I am at a loss for words, other than the song itself is often overlooked given Madonna's extensive list of hit singles and I'd bet a fair amount of people incorrectly assume Gloria Estefan sings it. I didn't hear it anywhere today or even this week. I can't remember the last time I heard the song before my brain queuing it up about 20 mins before I tried to fall asleep.

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Filipino Prison

If you ever have to committ a crime, I think you may want to consider the Philippines as the place to do it. Evidently their prisoners spend much of their free time reenacting Thriller. I have no idea if this is real, but it is claimed to be video from a rehearsal session at Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center, Cebu, Philippines. You think they drew straws to decide who played Michael Jackson's girlfriend?

Also, why is it that the country is spelled Philippines but its inhabitants are called Filipinos?

No Thriller related post is complete without reliving the joyful awkwardness of Mark Ruffalo and Jennifer Garner in 13 Going On 30.

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Panic! At The Disco

I just noticed this today, don't ask me why. If you need another reason to be annoyed by Panic! At The Disco besides the stupid exclamation point, the name in general, their music or their look, just take a look at the track names from their most recent album:

1. Introduction
2. The Only Difference Between Martyrdom And Suicide Is Press Coverage
3. London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines
4. Nails For Breakfast, Tacks For Snacks
5. Camisado
6. Time To Dance
7. Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off
8. Intermission
9. But It's Better If You Do
10. I Write Sins Not Tragedies
11. I Constantly Thank God For Esteban
12. There's A Good Reason These Tables are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet
13. Build God, Then We'll Talk

It really reeks of a desperate attempt to be deep or witty, I am not sure which. Again, I don't know why this occurred to me today but it did.

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Baking On Television

Sometimes you really have to sit back and wonder what the hell these people were thinking to actually film these things. Above is a clip about organic or whole meal(?) bread. Below is a pizza commercial from New York state. If this guy were my friend, he would never, EVER hear the end of this. Awwww yeah!

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More Money More Problems

I got this from the National Nine news desk in Australia. I can't be any more concise than they were (except to say that I don't think "beaks" is proper terminology) so here it is:

Some of the world's richest people are reportedly using their private submarines to indulge in deep-sea sex in front of panoramic marine vistas.

But these aquatic trysts are sometimes interrupted by groups of voyeuristic dolphins, which excitedly tap on windows with their beaks.

Wow. Sounds like a problem I wouldn't mind having. Maybe Douglas Adams was right. So long and thanks for all the fish.

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New Haven Is Stupid

I am not certain how anyone that was alive on 9/11 could think that standing this close to a building demolition would be a good idea. What are they, like 200 feet away? Those cops weren't going to help anyone anyways, but they could have acted a little tougher.

If you listen closely you can hear someone yell "Ow, my eyes are burning"

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Tyra's Secret

If you've ever seen Robert Smigel's Fun With Real Audio on SNL's Saturday TV Funhouse (the animated stuff) you'll love this. Its an audio clip from The Tyra Banks Show (or at least I think it is) where she reveals her BIGGEST BEAUTY SECRET EVER!! The show is acted out by poorly drawn stick figures, but given whats being said in the clip the stick figures are oddly appropriate. This makes Oprah's Cars feel like a ticket line at your local deli. I still can't figure out if this is a parody from Tyra and her audience, or just insane hormonal women caught on television.

Evidently this all happened months ago, but I just came across the animated version this week.

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Windows XP Power Toys

Here is a neat little tool you can use to clear up the text on your monitor. Its called the Clear Type Tuner and its a free applet from Microsoft that sharpens text. The strange thing is you don't really notice how bad text can be on LCD screens and monitors until you use it. The basic idea is a 3 step wizard that shows you a series of varying blocks of text, then asks you to choose which one looks clearer. After you've completed the steps it makes the necessary adjustments to your display and your eyes get some serious relief from the strain of reading poorly displayed text. So here is what you need to do:

1. Go to Microsoft Power Toys For Windows XP

2. Download the Clear Type Tuner Applet

3. Complete the Clear Type Tuner wizard.

If you make a mistake during the wizard, you can go into your Control Panel, select Appearance & Themes, then ClearType Tuning. From there you can either turn it off completely, or run through the wizard again and make different selections.

As far as I can tell the difference is minimal to non-existant with CRT monitors.

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Futbol Meets Football

Adidas paired Reggie Bush and David Beckham for a conference of cultures. I think the video is a pretty solid testament to the tremendous athleticism each of these guys has.

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USA Brazil

In case you missed it last night, here are the highlights from the USA-Brazil matchup last night in the U-20 World Championships. USA 2, Brazil 1. It was a really entertaining game, especially as Brazil became more and more desperate to tie the game, then attempt to take the lead, and then try once again to tie the game in the waning minutes.

Also, the rumors that Freddy Adu is all sizzle and no steak are greatly exaggerated. Remember he's just 18, and this is now two youth world championships where he's been able to lead (or help lead) the United States into the knockout round. Also worth noting is that last night's 2-1 victory over Brazil avenged a 3-0 loss from the quarter-final stage of the 2003 World Championship tournament when both sides were U-17.

The next US match is scheduled for July 11, the opponent is still to be decided.

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U-20 World Cup

I just found out that ESPN picked up the telecast for US/Brazil in the U-20 World Cup tonight at 7:30pm EST. I like the Spanish channel and all, but there is now a slight possibility I could watch this game in HD. To get you up to speed, the US tied S. Korea 1-1 in the opening match and then trounced Poland 6-1 Tuesday night. Brazil meanwhile beat Korea 3-2 but lost to Poland 1-0, meaning that the winner of tonight's game obviously moves on with a win, the US can move on with a loss if the Poland/S. Korea ends in a tie and either one of the teams can get bounced from the tournament with a loss followed by a win from Poland, and Brazil with a win from South Korea.

Bottom line is this; The US can advance in any of three ways:

1. A win.
2. A tie. They'd advance as the #2 team out of Group C if Poland wins, #1 if South Korea wins by virtue of goal differential (unless S. Korea kills Poland by more than 6)
3. A loss. They'd advance as the #2 seed ONLY if Poland loses to S. Korea and the combined goal differential of S. Korea's win and their own loss exceeds the current 6 goal differential between the two teams.

One last thing about the U-20 World Cup, the qualifying takes place in such a way that it allows teams like Gambia, Zambia and North Korea to qualify and have their day in the limelight.

Above are highlights from the USA/Poland game from Monday night. For a complete rundown of the tournament, click here.

Zizzo, absolute stud.

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Nike And Wayne Rooney

I bet it probably took more than one take, given the smeared, fuzzy look of the camera lens when Rooney tilts it upwards to draw on it. Thats still pretty impressive.

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Fireworks

I don't like fireworks, but every 3-4 years I forget exactly how much. Last night was one of those times. How about some fireworks that explode into a picture of something? I can only watch the same red or white asterisk pop off so many times before I get bored. So on that note, here are three new reasons to add to the list of reasons why fireworks suck:

1. Hey a**hole, either drive or watch fireworks. Don't do both.
2. The shoulder of the S-curve is not an acceptable location for watching fireworks. I don't care how close it gets you, I am trying to go the speed limit on an interstate highway.
3. Not every street in a downtown is one way jackass. I know you probably don't get down here very often, but seriously.
4. Your rearview mirror is not an acceptable method for watching fireworks.

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The 4th Of July

If you've ever wondered what the worst hangover cure in the world might be, I think I have found your answer. After a late night Tuesday I rolled out of bed just after noon and channel surfed for about 40 minutes before I found the great Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. All week I'd been hearing about the matchup between Joey Chestnut and Takeru Kobayashi, current and former world record holders in the event. So of course out of morbid curiosity I set the remote down and tried to watch. What ensued was an absolute embarrassment to humanity. I don't really want to get on a soapbox about idiocracy or hunger problems around the world or anything like that, I just want to let everyone know that I sincerely feel like when my time is up on this earth I'll remember those 12-15 minutes and wish I could have them back.

The gluttony was really only half of my problem. The ESPN broadcast team made me more sick than watcing two guys in a combined 129 hot dogs with buns in 12 minutes. Specifically you can hear the color commentary guy say (at 0:43):

"For Kobayashi to come out here and eat like this is a singular instance of valor. It is nothing short of amazing. We didn't anticipate it"

(4:28) "Kobayashi pausing, Kobayashi pausing... this would be the greatest moment in the history of American sports if Chestnut can bring the mustard belt home to Coney Island. Its been gone for 9 years."

(9:01)"It's just an emotional win, and a great day for America"

Not to mention the video replay of Kobayashi vomting a little and then finishing whatever didn't come out of his mouth. They of course referred to it as a "reversal".

At the very end the normal announcer finally did say something to the effect of "we hope you've enjoyed the fun and hyperbole of this competition...", which I took as an apology for the outlandish commentary of his broadcast partner.

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Stevie Wonder PSA

Is there irony in having a blind guy sing a song warning of the terrors of drunk driving? Technically I believe the answer is no, but I still find it distracting.

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Gymkata

Gymkata is almost certainly the best terrible movie ever made. It was recently released on DVD, so clips of it have started to surface on YouTube. Above is the trailer, below is quite possibly the most outrageous fight scene I have ever seen. Kurt Thomas fighting a horde of lepers using a conveniently placed pommel horse. A POMMEL HORSE!! Its not everyday you see one of those standing around, let alone in the interior of a 14th century style fortress in eastern Europe.

If you pay close attention to the trailer you'll hear the narrator say "When karate and gymnastics are fused... the combustion becomes an explosion?". What the hell does that even mean? To me it means the movie is so awesome that all rules of logic and grammar implode in its presence.

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