Dog Bones

New Television

2007-10-03T09:52:00.000-04:00

Last night I sat down to check out the new fall shows, particularly ABC's Man Date (or whatever they're calling it) hour of programming. So first up was the long anticipated Geico spinoff called Cavemen.

The biggest problem with the show is that they tiptoe around all of the biggest points of conflict, presumably in the name of being family friendly. In the episode last night they had a scene where one of the cavemens' neighbors clearly had trouble telling them apart. But instead of having the caveman press the issue and actually become stereotypical angry minority by saying "I bet we all look alike to you", they just inserted awkward pauses and sheepish nods. If the show is going to take off they need to be a little more edgy in those scenes. They did it in a few other scenes with Andy's girlfriend, a homo sapien, by having his fellow caveman and roommate Joel being adamantly against dating regular women. His line was "keep your penis in your genus", and then later when Andy's girlfriend was found out to have dated a few cavemen before him they lightly touched on the idea that she might have a caveman fetish. It was decent, but its potential was definitely not filled.

The other show I watched was ABC's Carpoolers. This show was beyond awful. The premise is four guys that work at an office park and share a ride to and from work every day. The actual workplace is never shown so all the show's conflicts have to take place in the car or at home. So when the conflict takes place at home, the discussion of said conflict must take place in the car.
Last night's conflict was about one guy's wife and the $200 toaster she bought. So the entire episode revolved around four men driving in a car bitching about a toaster. And that is all you need to know.

I also watched CBS' Cane last night with Jimmy Smits. Its about a Miami-based Cuban family
that owns a sugar cane business, but also dabbles in organized crime. It was a quality show, but I am not going to get my hopes up. CBS has a way of striking down every show I ever watch.

And I should mention that I watched The Big Bang Theory on DVR last night as well. That show is actually pretty funny. Its a little heavy-handed, but it works out.

Blue Dot

2007-09-27T09:47:00.000-04:00

I don't have nearly as much free time as I used to, or perhaps I've just elected to change how I use it. Anyhow this post will pretty much be my last blog entry, but I'll still be around over on Blue Dot, bookmarking the bizarre news of the world. Feel free to sign up and be my friend.

Chris Crocker

2007-09-14T11:12:00.000-04:00

Okay its been a while but I just couldn't ignore this. Chris Crocker, the now internet famous Britney Spears video blogger, in three videos. The first is prior to her performance at the VMAs and is probably the creepiest. The second is his most popular entry, and the third is his bizarre performance of Britney's new single "Gimme More". All three are pretty much NSFW on the grounds that this guy is a freak.

Miss Teen USA

2007-08-27T12:46:00.000-04:00

Just awkward and uncomfortable. I turned it off just over half way through. It gives me goosebumps or hives, I am not sure of the difference.

Superbadass

2007-08-18T10:55:00.000-04:00

I saw Superbad last night and it was phenomenal. I can't imagine anyone going into the movie with the wrong impression of what they're getting into, so if you're still reading I'll take that to mean you already want to see this movie.

So basically this movie centers around your typical end of the school year high school graduation party, three friends and a fake ID. Seth Rogen and Bill Hader absolutely kill in this movie. I think if Knocked Up hadn't been released I'd almost give this movie a perfect 10, but as it is the two movies probably stole a little of each other's thunder.

Trapped In The Closet Returns

2007-08-17T10:34:00.000-04:00

Great news everyone, R. Kelly's ridiculous video saga Trapped In The Closet returns next Tuesday with chapters 13-22 (NSFW Language) on a brand new DVD. The Independent Film Channel has been previewing one chapter at a time with an intro by R. Kelly for the last few days. Of course those segments have found their way to YouTube, so I am here to share the wealth. Here's a recap of Chapter 12:

Back at Cathy's house, she, Rufus, and Chuck are getting up from the floor. Cathy confronts Rufus about "creeping" around with Chuck, who is a deacon of a church, and then says "there's no tellin' what I've got," referring to sexually transmitted diseases. Chuck becomes offended and claims that she doesn't know him like that. He also exclaims that she will pay for what she said and then pulls a knife on her. The fight continues until Rufus breaks them up. However, they still continue to argue with each other while Rufus tries to work it all out. The phone rings but the three ignore it and continue fighting. After the phone rings a second time, Cathy answers. Gwendolyn is on the line, and she begins telling Cathy about all the drama that she's been through. When Gwen tells Cathy about Sylvester going to the Paje's club and the "ho" that he slept with, Cathy realizes that the man she had slept with that night had been Sylvester. Cathy tries to tell Gwen who the "ho" is, but Gwen keeps on going on about James and his wife and the rest of the day. While Cathy is on the phone, Chuck and Rufus are getting annoyed and are trying to hurry Cathy. Cathy yells at them and finally tells Gwen to shut up and listen to her. She then reveals to Gwen that the woman that her husband slept with the previous night was her.

Enjoy chapters 13(above), 14, 15 and 16. Also, I think since these were created for DVD release, there is a lot more NSFW language in these chapters than the first 12.

Texting And Driving

2007-08-15T10:54:00.000-04:00

omg tisnf! MI lwmkrs r cnsdrng lgsltn 2 ban txt msgs while drvng. afaiac inbd. they mst not knw abt t9 txtng. but wutevr, old ppl r alwys tryn to h8 on new tchnlgy. ok igg tt my bff Jill. link

I am occasionally guilty of texting at red lights.

The Skittles Touch

2007-08-15T10:51:00.000-04:00

I can't wait to see this commercial on regular television.

Bizarre Advertising

2007-08-07T14:22:00.001-04:00

This is not fake or altered in any way.

Cheap Seats

2007-08-06T15:24:00.000-04:00

Back in June Jack Loeks Theaters bought out the two Cinemark movie theaters here in Grand Rapids, which seemed really odd to me. The Cinemark at Woodland Mall had just been built so there was no way they were planning to knock them down, yet they clearly didn't need those theater just to push their ownership of locals screen from 80 to 98 of 122 area screens.

Sunday's edition of the Grand Rapids Press revealed their true intentions:

"We've seen what Woodland was doing in regards to competing with other first-run theaters, and it wasn't working," said Ron Van Timmeren, Loeks' vice president of programming. "It was one first-run theater too many."

Which means they plan to turn Cinemark Woodland into a second-run and independent movie theater beginnning Friday, August 10. Tickets are $3.50 for all shows at all times. The first group of second-run screenings will include the following movies:

1408
Evan Almighty
Evening
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Knocked Up
License to Wed
Nancy Drew
Ocean's Thirteen
Shrek the Third
Spider-Man 3
Surf's Up

Independent films:
Joshua
La Vie en Rose (Grand Rapids premiere)
A Mighty Heart
Once
Sicko
Waitress

I just hope this works out better than the old Movies @ Woodland. Though I am guessing it will soon be run amok with teenagers on cell phones talking during the movies.

Coming Attractions

2007-08-05T20:22:00.000-04:00

I saw The Bourne Ultimatum this evening. I liked it and if you like either of the first two Bourne movies, you'll like it too. Anyhow the big news of my trip to the theater was that the summer sequel season is finally over. Well not actually over, but there is some light at the end of the tunnel in the form of trailers for some very quality films. Above is American Gangster, below is The Kingdom. Both look fantastic and original.

I know The Kingdom lacks a failsafe star like Russell Crowe or Denzel Washington, and seems to have a downright odd mix in Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman and Jeremy Piven. But Peter Berg on the rise as a writer/director and Michael Mann always does quality work, even if he does let Colin Farrell grow incredibly distracting facial hair.

Remedial Physics

2007-08-03T09:54:00.000-04:00

For everything it takes to complete such a move in the first place, how can nobody realize the second portion of the half-pipe was just a terrible design choice. Sure nobody else had this happen, but it seems it was only a matter of time.

As they say in hockey...YARD SALE!!

Manchester United

2007-08-02T09:44:00.000-04:00

This young kid was just signed to a player development "contract" with Manchester United. He's almost 10 years old now, so put in a mental note for the 2018 World Cup. If that Rhain Davis' international debut, you can say you knew about him way back when.

The Two Coreys

2007-07-31T09:51:00.000-04:00

Last Sunday was the premiere of the A&E reality show The Two Coreys, starring Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. I watched this part of one of the two episodes. Unfortunately this clip cut out the part where Corey Feldman tried to talk about vegetarianism as the dietary lifestyle of more evolved human beings. So far, so good.

Keanu Reeves At A Teddy Bear Festival

2007-07-30T12:59:00.000-04:00

As you can see in this news report for the CBC circa 1984, its not so much "acting" for Keanu Reeves.

Alvin & The Chipmunks

2007-07-30T12:16:00.000-04:00

I am either (a)never having children or (b)having children and never allowing them to watch television. Children are the only conceivable reason I can imagine for ever seeing this movie, and even then it would only be after a stern lecture about why the movie will suck.

The Iron Soccer Ball

2007-07-24T11:06:00.001-04:00

I really can't stop laughing. I feel bad because its kids, but sometimes this is one of those life lessons that kids need to experience. I bet when they were done they had a new found appreciation and understanding of who they can trust and why they should be a little skeptical when someone older "bets you can or can't do something".

I am not certain if the soccer ball was actually made of iron. I doubt it. I think it was probably a painted medicine ball.

Bratz

2007-07-24T10:26:00.000-04:00

Do you know what Bratz are? Evidently its a line of urban hip pre-teen merchandise thats been around for about 6 years. Jade, Cloe, Sasha and Yasmin are the four girls from what Wikipedia is telling me the Bratz doll line made a serious run at Barbie for the #1 girls doll in several countries around the world. So as you can imagine in the past 6 years the Bratz have evolved and begun playing sports and having adventures and eventually someone optioned the whole thing for a movie.

So Friday August 3, the live-action Bratz movie hits theaters. Here is the plot of the movie:

Sasha, Jade, Cloe and Yasmin are four trendy friends from different racial backgrounds. Upon attending Carry Nation High School, the student body president and daughter of the principal, Meredith, drives the girls into different competing cliques. Eventually, their "bratty" ways land them in detention together where they reunite.

I feel terrible for every dad on the planet right now. The good news is that the Bratz movie featured (for a period of time) Paula Abdul as an executive producer and choreographer (for dance scenes or something presumably, I don't really know or care). At the same time Bravo, in all of their outstanding wisdom, was following Paula around with a camera crew for some sort of reality show. That allowed us to witness a mildly spectacular trainwreck when Paula Abdul was fired from the Bratz movie via e-mail.

Mad Men On AMC

2007-07-23T11:59:00.001-04:00

I don't know if you watch as much AMC as I do, but over the past year or so they have made a concerted effort to rid themselves of the "black & white/movies your grandparents would love/John Wayne marathon" reputation they seemed to once have. They left all of that to Turner Classic Movies. Now every Sunday night and most weeknights after 7pm AMC runs a well known movie from the 80s or 90s (and in some cases the early part of this century). Once a month they do DVD_TV, where they pretty much run a movie in widescreen and use the bottom portion of the picture to display trivia, goofs and printed director commentary about the movie being shown.

This past week they debuted an original series called Mad Men, created by Sopranos writer and executive produce Matthew Weiner. The premise of the show follows the daily business of a high level executive for an ad agency in New York circa 1960. The first episode was vaguely reminiscent of Thank You For Smoking, with that sort of slick salesman routine but one of the really interesting part of the show was much attention to detail was placed in recreating the 1960s. For example most of the women on the show are of the Marilyn Monroe body type, and they remark about the slim legs and ankles of the newest secretary who by todays standards we be fairly average. Every character smokes, even in elevators and doctors offices since during that time period the health issues of smoking were not quite a widespread social concern. Racism and sexism are fairly overt, and adultery is a seemingly accepted practice. I'd imagine that last part is a result of the sexism and women's status in the work place at the time.

Now I understand that a lot of what I just described probably sounds like That 60's Show, but there is a lot more to the story than that. As far as the cast goes it is primarily a collection of "that guy" and "that girl" from other shows.

The clip above is from the pilot episode. The show airs regularly on Thursdays at 10pm, so I'll be recording it on the DVR. The episodes will be available through iTunes as the season goes on, and is available On-Demand from Comcast, Time Warner Cable, Cox Communications, Insight Communications, Charter Communications, Mediacom Communications and Cablevision.

Also, boobie tassels!

Transformers

2007-07-23T11:09:00.001-04:00

About week ago I finally decided to forgive Michael Bay for Optimus Prime's flames and a few of the other confirmed pre-release details from his vision Transformers and finally just see it for myself. I was pleasantly surprised at how the movie turned out. The movie didn't bastardize too many of my childhood memories, and within the context of the movie quite a few of the alterations made sense (though not the flaming arms).

There were a few scenes where some dialogue was forced, but its not as though there are whole lot of choices when you're trying to get a character to say "more than meets the eye", and there were some other real minor things that could have been toned down to improve the movie. But on the other hand I readily admit that I am one of perhaps just a handful of people that would have appreciated a completely serious movie about 30 foot alien robots that transform into automobiles.

So overall, I give the move a solid 8.5 out of 10. I'll be picking it up on DVD and possibly seeing it a second time in the theaters if I come across someone that is interested.

The clip above is final 1:22 of the movie, but spoils nothing from the rest of the movie. Plus you get some nice voicework from Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime. I'd say this scene and the scene in which OP says "Autobots... roll out" were my two favorite ones in the whole movie. As cool as that is, Peter Cullen must get annoyed with it at times though (For the record I only found this on YouTube, I wasn't there or anything):

Why yes, I am a huge nerd. Why do you ask?

??

2007-07-23T00:19:00.000-04:00

Okay its one thing to have trouble sleeping on Sunday night. You have a full work week coming up, you can't stop thinking ahead towards what you need to get finished Monday morning or where you left off Friday evening. Your brain just won't shut down and let you rest. However its quite another thing when your brain won't let you sleep because of Madonna's "La Isla Bonita". I am at a loss for words, other than the song itself is often overlooked given Madonna's extensive list of hit singles and I'd bet a fair amount of people incorrectly assume Gloria Estefan sings it. I didn't hear it anywhere today or even this week. I can't remember the last time I heard the song before my brain queuing it up about 20 mins before I tried to fall asleep.

Filipino Prison

2007-07-20T14:27:00.000-04:00

If you ever have to committ a crime, I think you may want to consider the Philippines as the place to do it. Evidently their prisoners spend much of their free time reenacting Thriller. I have no idea if this is real, but it is claimed to be video from a rehearsal session at Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center, Cebu, Philippines. You think they drew straws to decide who played Michael Jackson's girlfriend?

Also, why is it that the country is spelled Philippines but its inhabitants are called Filipinos?

No Thriller related post is complete without reliving the joyful awkwardness of Mark Ruffalo and Jennifer Garner in 13 Going On 30.

Panic! At The Disco

2007-07-17T15:08:00.000-04:00

I just noticed this today, don't ask me why. If you need another reason to be annoyed by Panic! At The Disco besides the stupid exclamation point, the name in general, their music or their look, just take a look at the track names from their most recent album:

1. Introduction
2. The Only Difference Between Martyrdom And Suicide Is Press Coverage
3. London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines
4. Nails For Breakfast, Tacks For Snacks
5. Camisado
6. Time To Dance
7. Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off
8. Intermission
9. But It's Better If You Do
10. I Write Sins Not Tragedies
11. I Constantly Thank God For Esteban
12. There's A Good Reason These Tables are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet
13. Build God, Then We'll Talk

It really reeks of a desperate attempt to be deep or witty, I am not sure which. Again, I don't know why this occurred to me today but it did.

Baking On Television

2007-07-16T11:18:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you really have to sit back and wonder what the hell these people were thinking to actually film these things. Above is a clip about organic or whole meal(?) bread. Below is a pizza commercial from New York state. If this guy were my friend, he would never, EVER hear the end of this. Awwww yeah!